


Tell Me Where It Hurts

by nocturnalboys



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst and Humor, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Jk I was on the fence and now there's second to last chapter smut again, M/M, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Characters, canon disability, hakuryuu is bitter, hakuryuu's siblings are simultaneously protective and obnoxious, judal is sarcastic (as a defense mechanism of course)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:22:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 71,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocturnalboys/pseuds/nocturnalboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a fatal accident takes the lives of Hakuryuu's siblings, leaving him as the damaged sole survivor, he isn't sure whether he's grateful or not that they refuse to pass on, their ghosts remaining tied to him. He makes a decision; to leave home, to find peace for all of them. Along the way, he meets someone new, someone who will change him irreversibly... Perhaps for the better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonofeternal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonofeternal/gifts), [SetsuntaMew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetsuntaMew/gifts).



Hakuryuu limped up the road toward the farmhouse, using his good arm to shield his eyes from the merciless July sun. The plants seemed to be enjoying it, but Hakuryuu, who was very temperature sensitive, just wanted to be back inside, enjoying a cold shower.

Beside him, his sister, Hakuei, smiled up at the sun. "What's wrong Hakuryuu? I think the weather is just fine today."

Hakuryuu made a noise, eyeing the rest of his siblings. "Well I don't like it. Does anyone else have something they want to say about the weather?" His eyes, chlorine blue and sapphire alike, passed over the others; Kouen, his arms crossed, Koumei, who looked like he was about to sneeze, Kougyoku, hands shoved in her hoodie pocket, and Kouha, who dragged the tips of his shoes in the dirt.

No one spoke up, until Hakuryuu turned back around. "I like the heat, honestly." Kouha grumbled.

Hakuryuu rubbed his stump, deciding not to respond. How much longer was he supposed to put up with this?

"I don't know, I agree with Ryuu." Koumei interjected. "I like a little more clouds."

Kougyoku hummed, looking directly into the sun. "At least it's breezy, so it'll probably rain soon!"

There was a sudden tension in the air, Kouen sighing heavily. The hot sun didn't seem so blistering anymore. Hakuryuu shivered, turning his head. "Uh..."

"I don't see why I would even matter." Kouen finally grumbled. "Because we are all dead, last time I checked."

The silence was instant and deafening.

Hakuryuu, his siblings flickering in tandem with their steps, blessed the few moments of peace and headed up the driveway, past the line of empty cars stalled in the driveway.

Kouha groaned, brushing his faintly translucent fingers over a magenta convertible, which they passed through. "My car!"

"You say that every time we walk past here." Hakuryuu muttered, limping up the wooden steps onto the wrap-around porch. "Plus all your stuff is mine now, so it's not like they're gonna throw it out."

Honestly, at this point, Hakuryuu thought, he'd rather be dead than be saddled with this curse.

"Ryuu, he's just mourning. We all are." Hakuei tried to pat his shoulder, her hand falling right through his arm. He shivered. "Ugh... I hate that feeling."

She frowned, taking her hand back. "Sorry. I keep forgetting."

He reached the door, turning the knob halfway. "Now shut up, mom is still here. We don't need her thinking I'm crazier than she already does."

One by one, his siblings nodded, even Kouha, who mimicked locking his mouth and tossing away the key.

***

It was strange how something so small, like a loose bolt or torn wire could define someone's whole existence from that day on.

Weeks ago, in a different world, Hakuryuu, his sister and step-siblings, had boarded a plane to visit his step father in Washington, whom his mother had recently divorced. The plane had different plans; it hardly made it off the runway before bursting into flames.

Hakuryuu opened his eyes in a hospital room, curtains drawn in on either side of him. His vision was oddly clouded on his left side. He blinked, but the grey haze remained. He lifted his hand to rub it, only to discover he no longer had one.

His arm was gone, severed completely at the elbow.

He numbly placed his stump back against the sheets. He could hardly remember now... Was there fire? He could remember someone screaming. Hakuei?

His heart thudded. Where was his family? Slowly, he sat up, the entire left side of his body burning like a scrape full of lemon juice. "Hello?" He asked, his voice both soft and gritty like he was gargling acid.

"Hakuryuu, you're awake!" It was Kougyoku, wearing the same hoodie and pleated skirt she'd been wearing on the plane. Her hair didn't even look messed up. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Kougyoku. You're alright."

He paused. There was something strange about her... Like her body was 2D, brought to life like static in a tube television. "Are you?"

She sighed. "Well here's the thing. You kind of missed our funerals."

He laid back again. "Our?"

Kouen was at his other side, still wearing a dress shirt and slacks, his face almost blank. "You're the only one left, Hakuryuu."

He looked slowly, from Kouen, to Koumei, to Kouha, to Hakuei and back to Kougyoku. Dead. All of them.

"Can anyone else see you?"

Hakuei shook her head. "I think it's just you. Trust me, we were surprised too, just that we were still here. It's... Very strange to attend your own funeral."

"Where's mom?"

Koumei shrugged. "We've been hanging around here for a while, but she hasn't come back to check on you yet."

Hakuryuu's stomach grumbled. He looked around for food, finding none. His eyes rested back on the stump of his left arm. "Shit." He mumbled.

He put his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes. "Shit."

Hakuei reached over, trying to put a hand on his leg, but it went right through. "Ryuu, it's okay. Trust me, it isn't so bad."

He shivered. Where her hand passed through felt achingly cold.

"At least you're still alive." Kouha mumbled, his face set in a disgruntled frown.

Somehow, he could still see them, and no one else could. They followed him. Tried to chat him up in the dead of night. But at least he hadn't lost them forever.

***

Inside the house, in the living room, it was dark and quiet. The curtains were drawn, leaving a film of light over the furnishings. The flatscreen hummed quietly on the wall, the volume too low to hear anything, and Hakuryuu's mother folded laundry on the couch.

She looked up as Hakuryuu walked through the door. "Come help me fold this. I need the help."

Hakuryuu frowned. "I'm just back from checking the orchards, I need a shower. I'll help after, I'll be out in five minutes."

In hindsight, he shouldn't have said that. She looked up. "You know what? Anyone but you, Hakuryuu," she hissed his name with a great deal of sugary venom, "I would've been happy with anyone but you. Even Kouha! But I get left with a daughter who thinks she's a boy who's just too good to help her mother fold the laundry."

His siblings were silent. Hakuryuu felt rooted to the floor. "I have to take a shower." He finally muttered, turning and walking back up the steps.

"You shouldn't le-" One of his siblings started.

"Shut up." He mumbled, not even sure who he was talking to. He'd only ever come out to Kougyoku and Hakuei and, more awkwardly, Kouha, but he'd been too nervous around his older brothers to say any a word. Luckily, they'd just picked up on it somehow, and either they didn't care, or simply accepted Hakuryuu for what he was. Both of which he was glad for.

His mother had only occasionally gotten into moods before the accident, but now, with no one else around, Hakuryuu had become like a punching bag for her grief.

He stopped outside the bathroom door, eying his siblings. "Wait out here."

"We always do." Koumei made a face.

Of course they did. Hakuryuu locked the door behind him (despite the fact that any of them could just phase through the wood).

He already hated his body before the accident. His face was too feminine, his hair too long, his limbs too slim, his breasts just too much to be flattened out with a sports bra. But now, he was a downright mess, his skin raw and choked by knotted scar tissue, his ugly stump hardly covered by the sleeve of his shirt. The only good thing to come of it was the haircut he'd been given in the hospital, to treat swelling on his head, so his hair was growing back now at a reasonable length.

Before, when he looked in the mirror, he had an idea of who he was. Now, he had no clue who he was looking at.

As he stepped into the shower, he could hear yelling from downstairs. His siblings were probably arguing about something again. He closed his eyes, letting the water course over him.

It was right then when Hakuryuu made up his mind to leave Harbinger, Pennsylvania and never set foot on his mother's farm again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just quickly, I won't be available all next week (including Tuesday) so next week's chapter is going to come early, on Sunday! Then It'll be back to Normal! : )

"We're leaving. All of us." Hakuryuu said, sitting in his room, running a comb through his hair. "You can't go far from me, right? You have to come with me."

"But go where?" Kouha whined. "I don't get it, I like it here!"

"You're not the one with the body." Hakuryuu grumbled.

Kouen sat on the edge of Hakuryuu's bed. "He's growing up. He's making his own choices. We don't get choices anymore."

"Part of this is for your benefit, anyway." Hakuryuu set his comb down. "Since I'm taking you, you'll get to experience tons of things you didn't when you were alive. Find your peace?"

Koumei sighed, his eyes drifting around the room. "It is getting a little boring here. Hakuryuu may be right. A change of scenery would..."

Hakuei bent down by him. "Hakuryuu Ren, you know very well why you're doing this." She looked him in the eyes. "We all know you can be independent of her. You don't have to let her talk to you like that."

"Maybe you'll find true love!" Kougyoku piped up from where she sat on the floor.

He flushed a little, shaking his head. Nobody in their right mind would be attracted to a crybaby cripple, who wasn't even a real boy.

"Well that's quitter talk." She rolled her eyes.

"What I'm saying is, if you think this will help, then do it Hakuryuu." She placed her hand on his shoulder, and this time it didn't slip through. It pushed against him, like a strong jet of air.

He looked up at her. "How can I tell her I'm going?"

"Don't tell her." Kouen suggested. "Just go. Take everything you think you'll need, so we won't have to come back."

Hakuryuu looked around his room; at posters, empty cans of soda, the plants on the windowsill, the books jumbled on the book case. What was here that he really needed, anyway? None of it meant anything anymore.

He decided to start with clothes. He didn't particularly dislike feminine clothing... But it was hard to be taken seriously in it. He left his skirts and dresses untouched. Next went his phone, which he barely had the energy to check anymore.

Toothbrush. Toothpaste. A comb. His siblings snickered when he packed eyeliner, a few mutters of 'emo' reaching his ears.

Then what else? He might never see this room again. He added a class portrait from his junior year at high school (he'd gotten his diploma after the accident, but he missed more than half of senior year). He didn't have very good friends; he always seemed to be the outlier, the awkward friend whom no one knew how to approach.

He added a tiny dragon figurine from his brother, Hakuren, which he'd given to Hakuryuu before he was deployed. Feeling a little ashamed now, he took a beanie baby deer off his bookshelf. No one said anything this time.

Lastly, he took his favorite books; Wicked, Life of Pi, and The Princess Bride.

His wallet was in order, his driver's license and debit card, plus a fat wad of money his siblings told him how to find. In fact, he'd rescued quite a lot of things from their secret hiding spots.

Kouha peered over his shoulder. "So, Ryuu, buddy, whose car are we taking? Mine? My really cool car?"

Could he be any more obvious? "No, we are not taking your car." Hakuryuu snorted.

"Aw, come on? Then whose? Kouen's dumb SUV?"

"I was thinking Koumei's. It's big enough for all of us and it doesn't really guzzle gas."

Koumei smiled a little. "See? It is a good car. Do you think she's still folding laundry? Or did she forget about it by now?"

"Hey, I have an idea," Hakuryuu replied, flatly, "why don't one of you, who she can't see, go look."

Hakuei phased through the door, returning in a matter of minutes. "Okay, she's in the back now, sweeping the deck. Hopefully someone will find her. Maybe Mr. Zagan."

One of their hired men, Zagan was head of the planting crew on their farm. He'd been around for as long as Hakuryuu could remember, and had taught him a good deal about plants when he wandered into the seedling greenhouse as a child. Hakuryuu hefted his backpack on clumsily, his off-kilter balance doing him no favors.

"Right. He'll find her. Everybody ready?"

Kougyoku frowned. "Wait! Don't we get any of our things? Can you take my favorite hair clips? And my journal?"

He nodded. "I'll get them. Koumei, are your keys still in your room?"

"As far as I know, no one moved them."

He retrieved Kougyoku's clips and diary, grabbing the keys from Koumei's desk drawer. Kouen sighed, looking over his ornaments. "I've never seen your desk so dusty."

Hakuryuu picked up his feather duster, cleaning it off, re-positioning all the statues and the rack of documents. He felt oddly compassionate towards these inanimate objects. He wanted them like how they would look if Koumei were still alive, still working at this desk.

"Kouen... I know we won't go up to the city," he stopped dusting. "Is there anything of yours still here that you wanted?"

Kouen shrugged. "Most of it was at my apartment."

"Then... We're good." Hakuryuu walked quickly back to the door, careful to let his steps land softly. He didn't need a confrontation with his mother at the last second.

It was surprisingly, overwhelmingly easy to just go. He got into Koumei's car, waiting while his siblings arranged themselves in the backseat, Kougyoku claiming shotgun. He found it a little difficult to back out of his spot with only one arm for both the stick and the wheel, but he managed it.

They cruised down the long driveway, the sickly smell of over-ripe peaches filling the car as Hakuryuu passed by row after row of orchard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my mind about the next update! It seemed unfair to make anybody wait until next Tuesday, so I'm just gonna update on Sundays now!!

Farms and orchards started to blend together in a smear of green as Hakuryuu travelled further and further away from his mother. He passed farm stands, flies buzzing in the shade over boxes of vegetables. A low, satisfying hum filled the car as the engine settled into its rhythm. The road sloped gently, and at the top of some hills the cornfields stretched away to the borders of the horizon.

Kouha was the first to groan, slumping against Kouen in the back seat. "I'm bored, Haku. Bored."

He held back the urge to laugh. "It's been five minutes. Watch out the window or something. Play I Spy."

"I Spy? Hakuryuu, none of us are children." Kouen reminded, slowly.

"Fine. Play the license plate game."

Kougyoku reached over, struggling for enough hold on the physical world to turn on the radio. "Hakuryuu, you're being kind of a downer. Won't you at least put on some music?"

Why did he ever let her sit shotgun? She'd be trying to turn it on all day if he didn't give in. He felt like driving in silence. It would give him time to settle down. Reluctantly, he turned on the radio, very low.

"I'm not gonna miss this place." He mumbled as they passed the town limits sign. "Not one little bit."

He thought of all the times he'd been yelled at for wearing layers in the summer. Or the time his mother made him clean horse stalls on a school night at one am. He thought of how badly his siblings had been treated, each in their own way, twisted around her fingers.

He thought of the weeks after the accident. When his siblings were silent, the house felt empty. Everything felt dark, like an early Winter sunset.

He looked over briefly at Kougyoku and he could tell she was thinking the same. "Remember when she took the door off my room? And when she threw out all Kouha's clothes?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, that sucked." Kouha groused.

"She pretended to be the nicest to me, at least." This time, it was Kouen. "Just so she could beg me for favors later. It only got worse after dad left."

Hakuei shot a sordid glance at Hakuryuu. "Think about how these past weeks have been for him. Alone. We saw all of it. And now..."

"We're rid of her." Hakuryuu spat, his voice bitter.

Koumei burst into uncharacteristic laughter. "We are, aren't we? She's gone!"

One by one, each sibling recognized the joy of their situation, until even Hakuryuu could barely stifle his smile.

Suddenly, his stomach grumbled. Hakuei made a little tsk-ing sound. "Hakuryuu, I told you to eat breakfast. Haven't you eaten anything today?"

"Well, I had a plum when we were walking around. I don't think that was enough though..."

"We're gonna stop and get something at the nearest gas station you see, okay?" Already they were on the highway, whizzing past billboards and bundles of hay.

"Okay." He didn't feel very hungry yet, but he had to eat. Hakuei wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't.

He took the next exit, pulling into a Turkey Hill on one side of an intersection. This road led to a wide valley, some mountains visible in the distance, and iron power lines cutting a dark spine through the center.

He got out of the car. Suddenly, his phone beeped in his pocket. Fearing the worst, a shiver running through him, he took it out.

'I'm happy you're gone. Don't ever come back you little shit.'

He stared at it, his heart pounding. Somehow, he thought his mother might look for him. She might still have a maternal connection to him, something, anything. A memory. Before his siblings could see, he shoved it back down in his pocket.

Shaking a little, he started towards the building. "Come on." He muttered. "Let's go guys. I'm not leaving you out here."

"Well okay." Kougyoku floated alongside him. "When we get back in the car we'll let you pick the music, so you can listen to as much My Chemical Romance as you want."

She had to be teasing, but there was always a grain of truth in it. "You know I'm mostly past that."

"Oh yes Hakuryuu, which is why you still have all the CDs and a t shirt with all the guys on it." Hakuei smiled blithely down at him.

"I'm an adult!" Barely. "I left that phase behind!" Hardly.

Kouha stuck out his tongue at him. "Liar."

He sighed heavily. He was used to their teasing... And it took his mind off things. "What were we doing again?"

Inside, he picked up a pre-made sandwich and a few glass bottles of iced coffee while his siblings, mostly Kouha, grumbled about how much they missed eating. They didn't need food anymore, so what was the point? If he tried to feed them, it would fall right through their bodies.

He paused, remembering something. It was only for a moment, but he remembered being very small, in a little convenience store just like this. Hakuei holding his hand. His feet, burdened by exhaustion, trailed on the tile floor. The sign blinked and sputtered in the brown darkness outside.

That's right. He was allowed to pick whatever snack he wanted that day. After his and Hakuei's father passed. Hakuryuu barely remembered that man; only the stepfather, recently divorced. But the memory made him smile.

Grateful Hakuei was still with him, he walked back to the car to eat inside.

"So. What are you gonna do next?" Koumei asked, once they were back in the car. "It's gonna get late fast. Where are you going to sleep, in here?"

"It would save money. But it would be weird sleeping so close to all of you, in such a small space. Even if you aren't physically here." He muttered, between bites of sandwich.

"Maybe you should go back inside and get a pamphlet?" Kouen suggested. "There might be a place to stay around here. Even nearby."

Once he finished his sandwich, Hakuryuu went to check. It turned out there was a campsite up the side of the nearest mountain, nestled in the Pocono woods. Did they even have a tent? Hakuryuu wondered, vaguely. They could just rent a little cabin for the night. That was a thing, wasn't it? The pictures in the pamphlet looked nice, at least.

They'd spend the night there, and go God only knew where in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't a long drive, but it was calming. The radio played a little louder, Kougyoku humming along with almost every tune. The directions on the pamphlet were vague at best, so Hakuryuu balanced his phone on his knee, looking down occasionally for a glimpse of the satellite map. The low murmur of Kouen and Koumei chatting in the backseat was, at worst, a minor distraction.

How far were they from home now? He quickly rewrote his thought; that place was not home for him anymore. How far were they from the town he just happened to grow up in? Maybe only a couple miles, but it was a good enough start.

They passed a tool shed, the rows of camping plots breaking lines through the trees. The complex seemed moderately busy, a few families with RV's taking up lots, interspersed with the occasional tent. Hakuryuu parked. "I guess this is the rental office... I'll be right back." He left the car stalled, hurrying inside with his wallet cradled like a football.

It wasn't anything to sneeze at. There was a small arcade, the thick smell of chlorine filtering in from the pool. Hakuryuu would not be enjoying the water though, that was for sure.

He had to cough a few times before the woman at the desk looked up to take his reservation. Yes, there was a junior cabin available, but it was near the bath house, so people would be coming and going all night. Hakuryuu breezed on, took the key, and started back for the car. It didn't really matter... He'd be inside, wouldn't he?

By the time he got back, his siblings were already bickering about something new. He sighed heavily, switching back into drive. Kouha usually started this arguments, over something petty and insane only he would notice. But it was the rest of his siblings, barring Hakuei, who would continue it, his eldest sister defeated in keeping the peace.

"We got a cabin." He muttered, winding through the small paved track and re-parking behind the little shed. No one noticed besides Hakuei, who gave him a weak smile and an encouraging thumb's up.

Hakuryuu dragged his bag inside, dumping it on his cot. "Well. What can I say?" He gestured to the only other cot. "Why don't you fight over that now?"

They immediately did, Kougyoku launching herself across the press wood floor and lying spread eagle on the cheap mattress. The yelling was so loud, he nearly didn't hear his phone go off again.

'I'm sorry, please come home, I didn't mean it.'

'I love you, you're my precious daughter, I need you please come back.'

'I'll do anything please come back home, you're all I have.'

Shaking, his eyes widening, he dropped the phone in his lap like a poisonous snake, watching message after message drop onto the screen.

It wasn't real, she didn't want him back. She was still calling him her daughter, for god's sake. She couldn't reach him now. He felt sick rising in his throat.

Before he could hide it again, Hakuei sat beside him, mustering enough strength to grab his phone. "Hakuryuu, what is this?" She looked up at him. "Oh... No."

One by one, his siblings quieted, turning to look at him. "Ryuu, are you..."

"I'm fine!" He huffed, standing, running his hand through his hair. "I'm going outside, don't follow me!" He stomped out of the cabin, forcing his bile down.

Where could he go? A family of four clustered around an early campfire was giving him strange looks. The sky was even darker now. From the bath house, a hazy yellow light was struggling on, its aura touching the scarred side of his face. The bathroom, he thought. There would be sinks. He could wash his face a little.

His feet squished damply on the tiles, his visage trapped in the wide row of mirrors lining four sinks against the wall. The humming was much louder, and on the other side of the long room, a crane fly skittered, confused, against the high corner of a shower stall.

Calm, like a dream. He could hear a little noise from the showers. Ignoring it, he ran the tap, trailing lukewarm water over his face with his fingers. The rustling grew louder... It was funny, he couldn't hear any showers running.

The crane fly slid down in defeat, its stilt-legs splaying out on the tile. His heart beating evenly, Hakuryuu peered down the row of white, plastic curtained showers. There was some shadow behind the last curtain. The smell of chemical cleaners and eternally damp towels clung to Hakuryuu's skin as he approached.

Without warning, the curtain slid open. "Excuse me, is today census day? Did I miss a rent payment?" A barbed voice stung Hakuryuu, making him jump. He wasn't expecting to see so many things. Nor was he expecting a slim young man, perched on the shower bench like a raven, bags and objects gathered around him in a nest.

"I-I'm sorry, do you... Live here?" Hakuryuu said, astounded, his eyes tracing a long, black braid wound over his shoulder.

His odd, dark lips twitched. "Are you going to call the office? Make them evict me? If you want a shower, there are like five more stalls."

Nervously, he clutched his stump. "Why would I do that? You didn't even answer my question."

"Well, you didn't answer mine either." At first, he looked only tired, but Hakuryuu separated the dark circles from purple eyeshadow.

"Because what kind of questions even were those? What do I look like, who takes census in a campground bathroom?" But his eyes were heavy too, like gemstones, flickering garnet crystals locked in his skull.

He laughed, his eyes rolling a little. "I was only fucking with you anyway. So why are you still standing there? Got anything else you wanna say to me? The creep who lives in the bathroom?"

So he did live there... "Doesn't anyone come to kick you out?"

"Sometimes. But I convince them otherwise."

He looked down when he said this, at an object he was twirling in his fingers. From Hakuryuu's angle, it looked like a leaf. Something about him put Hakuryuu on end, made his hair stand up, even more than ghosts would.

Was he alive? It never occurred to Hakuryuu that he could see other ghosts beyond his siblings.

"I have another question." Hakuryuu lowered his hand from his stump. "What's your name?"

It was his turn to be surprised. "Judal, if you ever feel like using it."

Hakuryuu forced his legs, one, two, three, to the throne of items in the stall. "I'm Hakuryuu." He bent his right arm forward, beckoning a handshake. If he could just touch Judal, he would be sure what world his life rested in.

Judal ignored his outstretched hand, reaching up to touch his stump instead. "Now this is interesting," he mused, even though Hakuryuu bit his cheek and stiffened, "What happened to you, I wonder?"

With the surprise came relief. Judal's fingers were slim and mildly warm, and they trailed life. He moved his stump away. "It was... Just an accident."

Judal continued, his eyes traveling up to the heavy scarring on his face. "Some accident."

Hakuryuu flushed, finally backpedalling. "Okay, okay. Enough."

He really thought he told his siblings to stay put, but the instant Kouen drifted through the door, he knew he should've made it clear not to check on him. "Hakuryuu. Are you-" He peered into the stall. "What is that man doing in there? Do you know him?"

Hakuryuu gave him a look. This was really not the time. Now, looking mostly through Kouen, he addressed Judal again. "So you do live here, what's that all about?"

"Oh. The usual." He looked up from the small, teardrop shaped leaf. "Living a comfortable and wholesome life. See, this is my living room, and that bit of floor there is my dining room. It's really very spacious."

"No, it sucks dick." He added, when Hakuryuu gave him a skeptical glance.

"What's going on here, seriously?" Kouen demanded.

"Uh. Anyway. I have to go now." He quickly told the man in the shower. "It was... Nice to meet you." Before Judal could reply, he shoved his hand in his pocket, hurrying back out.

Kouen continued to berate him. "You can talk to us, Hakuryuu. You don't have to run away."

"I wasn't, I just needed time to calm down." Hakuryuu muttered. "I won't talk to you guys in front of people, it makes me stand out."

At this, Kouen showed remorse. "I'm sorry. I only worried. I ought to respect you more."

Hakuryuu didn't have the energy to be bitter. "It's alright Kouen. Is everyone looking for me?"

"What do you think? Of course they are. She has no right to make you feel this way." He said gruffly, his translucent eyes darkening. "Because you're not hers anymore. Children don't belong to their parents."

"I'm not a child!" Hakuryuu gaped, his face hot.

"I..." He pinched his nose. "I think you misunderstood me."

Kougyoku ran up the path. "Ryuu, I looked by the pool but you weren't there! I'm happy you're safe!" She leapt, as if to give him a hug, but Hakuryuu stepped quickly out of the way. "I'm alright. I had... An experience."

Kouen looked ruffled. "Are you really going to tell everyone about that... Bathroom man?" He muttered, seeming to find no better words for Judal.

"If anyone wants to hear." He shrugged.

"Bathroom man?" Kougyoku looked instantly intrigued. "Is it a good story? Come on Ryuu, tell us!"

Koumei inexplicably appeared behind them. "I'd like to know. We all deserve the entertainment."

When Hakuryuu got back to the cabin, he had no choice. He sat down on the front step, and described to his siblings, in full honest detail, the man who had taken up residence in a bathroom shower stall, with eyes like ancient gemstones and a smile like a crooked nail.

Kougyoku was the first to speak up. "Did you think he was cute? Did you like him?"

Everyone, even Hakuei, groaned a little at this. Before dying, Kougyoku was obsessed with romance. Now dead, unable to experience it herself, it was her newly appointed duty to set Hakuryuu up with whomever his heart desired. Or someone he just met. Or someone Kougyoku saw in the store who looked cute.

"He wasn't bad looking. I mean, he was interesting to look at." He played with a string on his pants. "But if I told you my heart absolutely yearned for him or some bullshit, that would be a lie."

She pouted a little. "Ugh."

Hakuei frowned, tucking her legs up. "Ryuu. Are you sure he really... Lives in there? How is that safe? How does he eat? Did he seem... Dirty?"

"Well, his face and hair were clean. Why does it matter?"

"Because, our sister thinks we should help him." Kouen finished.

"Aw, what?" Kouha scrunched up his face. "This is ridiculous."

"You used to be all about helping people." Hakuei reminded him softly. "Don't pretend like there isn't a part of you that still wants to."

Hakuryuu stood up. "We've been over this. I'm the one with the body, I decide what we do. To be honest, he gave me the fucking creeps. There was something about the way he moved..."

"Why don't you go talk to him again? Ask if he needs help?" Hakuei prompted. "Or... Maybe don't phrase it that way. Sometimes people think being offered help makes them weak, like they couldn't go on without it. And if anything weird happens, we'll go with you."

"We'll haunt his ass to hell and back if anything happens to you!" Kougyoku's dead cheeks were a little flushed.

It was fully dark now, fires blazing behind walls of folding chairs like distant suns. Hakuryuu looked back towards the bathrooms, the hazy light a little more alien this time. "It's not like I have anything better to do." His curiosity dragged him all the way back up the path, his siblings trailing behind.

Kouha brought up the rear, grumbling all the way.


	5. Chapter 5

There had been a time, not very long ago, where Kouha Ren had loved helping, from the smallest thing to the most broken person. He was always the one holding out sugar-water on a spoon for tired bumblebees. He found the shyest, most remote table in the school cafeteria, and sat there every day. 

Kouha knew that no one should suffer being lonely, especially when they didn't have to. There had been a time where his raison d'étre had been to protect, and nothing more. 

When he died, the moment the side of the aircraft caved in on his body, the heat and weight shattering his skull, that part of him dissipated. Since he was dead, there was nothing left for him on the earth. 

He was bitter; now he was lonely, even surrounded by his siblings as he was. Who would protect him? Who would help him feel warm, like a human body? 

Why was he the only one who couldn't accept this? Worst of all were the patches of purple and blue starting to spread over his ghostly skin. He seemed to be the only one with them, and that only made the fear and bitterness worse.

He missed his car, and his pretty clothes, and his friends, and the ability to protect even himself. Each time he thought about it, the marks spread further over his skin, almost mapping his step-brother's scars.

***

Hakuryuu hesitated briefly, double taking over his shoulder before opening the bathroom door again. This time, the tinny sound of music echoed over the tiles. 

Was he still here? Hakuryuu cleared his throat. "Hello? Judal?"

"Well, look who's back!" Judal, holding a Duct-tape bandaged Walkman, poked his head out. "I guess you started missing me already!"

The silence from his siblings was not encouraging. 

"I just." He stopped. Don't ask him outright. "So how long have you been in here?"

Judal stepped out of his stall. Hakuryuu recognized the music playing as "Blue Jeans" by Lana Del Rey. "Hm... I think today makes five days." Judal replied, reaching down to turn off the Walkman. 

He was wearing an oversized black sweater, the neck hole falling down off his shoulder on one side. His pants were similarly tight, slung low enough that Hakuryuu could see the gentle V of his hips. He tore his eyes away before Kougyoku could notice him noticing it. 

"Five. Where were you before?" There was something about Judal. It was almost familiar. The way he held his shoulders back, the grating tone of his voice and the angle of his hips and the softness of his hands.

"Someone has his detective cap on today." Judal retorted. "I don't see why it would matter to you. Why don't you run along back to your family? I'm sure they're having some great s'mores without you."

That stung, just a little. Next to him, Koumei sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Yeah, sure." Hakuryuu pushed on. "I'm gonna assume this isn't the greatest place to live though."

Judal's eyelids flickered under their coating of eyeshadow. "Do you want to trade?" His chin was smooth. His calves almost toned, legs slender. 

It hit Hakuryuu, and he nearly forgot his words. They were the same, and yet so different. Judal passed, and he didn't. Judal's body seemed so whole, where his was ugly and torn apart. No wonder Judal, in all his caustic glory, had been calling him by the right pronouns, without being prompted. He'd seen what Hakuryuu was struggling to accomplish, right off the bat. Judal knew, and he understood. 

That warmed him to Judal. He'd never met another trans person before, at least, not an out one. Did Kouha count? He looked over at his brother, quickly. They'd never talked about gender, besides when Hakuryuu came out, but he had his theories. 

"No, no. Not at all. I was actually wondering if you wanted to come with me? I'm kind of on a road trip, by myself, and some company would..."

"Oh, now you're joking. That's funny. I'm laughing." He gave Hakuryuu a flat stare.

He could feel sweat pricking under his arms. "I am not. I really want you to come with me."

Hakuei sighed. "Could you be a little, I don't know, nicer? You kinda sound pushy, Hakuryuu."

He was pushy. He didn't see why that mattered. 

Judal laughed, wiping imaginary tears away from his eyes. "You should be a comedian!"

His face heated. This was somehow so embarrassing. "I really, seriously want you to come Judal."

"That's what he said."

He was impossible. Impossible. Feeling like he already had a migraine, Hakuryuu turned to leave. "Nope. Can't do this." He muttered. Hakuei looked disappointed, Kougyoku somehow even more so.

There was a strained second before Judal took a few more steps across the tile. "Wait. Wait." Hakuryuu turned, holding his breath.

"I'll come with you, alright? I mean, it'll probably be boring. We probably won't do anything cool. What kind of dork goes on a road trip by himself anyway?" He stopped himself. "I'll get my stuff."

Hakuryuu only had the capacity to nod. "Uh... Alright. My cabin is just down the path, so when you're ready, that's where I am." Before Judal could get another word in, he rushed back out the door, letting it drop behind him.

"That could've gone better." Kouen said, quietly.

"But you did it!" Hakuei beamed.

"Yeah, but why?" Kouha muttered. "Now we have to share the car with that guy. And Ryuu won't talk to us in front of him."

"But now they're totally gonna fall in love and-"

"Please, please stop." Koumei put a hand on her shoulder. "I don't think that's even crossed his mind."

Hakuryuu marched back up the steps. Kouha was right. Now he was going to have to drive around with this guy, for however long he was on the road. Where would he sleep tonight, on the other cot? In the same room with him? He could be a serial killer! Hakuryuu was tight with anxiety, a bow drawn across a string poorly tuned. 

He slumped down on his bed, finding his phone in the thin sheets. His mother had continued to text him, his phone completely flooded. 

He blocked her number.

He felt them come in, but they didn't speak. They only sat beside him, mere suggestions of themselves, and for a moment Hakuryuu was comforted.

The door banged open. "Ah, whoops." Judal edged in, carrying at least five bags. "There's two more in the bathroom. I have to make two trips, since somebody didn't think to offer help." He dumped them, without ceremony, on the floor near the other cot. 

"Why did we do this." Kouen rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Who thought this would be a good idea." His words were flat and toneless and heavy, like river rocks.

"He's a charmer." Koumei muttered, the mirage of a smile darting around his lips.

Hakuryuu groaned, leaning back. "I hate this. Did I mention I hate this?" He didn't really hate Judal. He was just filled with so much uncertainty. Looking at Judal was like staring into a dark window from a well-lit room; he knew nothing, and the longer he looked, the more hopeless he felt. Judal either had the potential to be a real person, with genuine emotions, or the human equivalent of a chocolate bar that melted in your pocket. 

The door slammed a second time, even louder than the first. "And there we go." Judal dusted off his hands, dumping a carry-on and a string backpack on the side of his pile. "It's perfect. Now what?" His voice grew teasing again. "Do we make a fire? Play truth or dare?"

"Actually," Hakuryuu kicked off his flip flops, rolling underneath his covers, "I have had a really long day, and I'm going to sleep now."

Judal seemed instantly disheartened. "You're no fun. At least I get a bed too." He flopped onto it with great carelessness, rebounding slightly into the air. 

Hakuryuu ignored him, turning to face the wall. "Like I said. Sleep."

"You're not gonna turn off the light?"

He sighed. He knew was being childish... When he woke in the small hours after a nightmare, it was better to open his eyes to warm light than to empty darkness. "No, I am not."

Judal snorted. "Well okay! Good night, Hakuryuu." 

His siblings began to fade, their forms shimmering. They couldn't exactly sleep, but they could suspend their movements, which to Hakuryuu was almost like sleeping. He closed his eyes, struggling to let his consciousness slip away. 

He wasn't sure how long he'd been lying there, but something made it impossible for him to rest. Had it been ten minutes? An hour? 

He twisted a little, trying to act like the movements were involuntary. 

Judal was still awake, sitting on top of his covers. He was looking at an object in his lap. He didn't seem to notice Hakuryuu's gaze. Did he sleep? Hakuryuu wondered. 

He watched for as long as he could before exhaustion took him, but still, Judal never closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the story goes on, I'm going to define more "rules" of ghost-hood, like what ghosts can or can't do, and the "corruption" that's happening to Kouha!


	6. Chapter 6

"Hakuryuu, Hakuryuu wake up right now, please! I can't make him stop, you have to wake up!"

Hakuryuu groaned, opening his eyes. He was sweaty and somehow, he felt exhausted. What were his dreams about? He didn't really want to remember, but he guessed the usual culprits; his mother and the plane crash. His clothes were tight. He forgot to change out of them the night before... Judal had been so distracting.

"Hakuryuu, please." Kougyoku's cold hands passed though his shoulder. "He's going through our stuff, he's gonna read my diary!"

This woke him. He sat bolt upright, twisting in bed. It was true. Judal sat, cross-legged, on the floor, the contents of Hakuryuu's backpack spilled out in front of him. He held Hakuryuu's dragon figurine in two fingers, spinning it around with his middle.

"What are you doing?" Hakuryuu launched himself out of bed, stumbling and falling on his knees on the wood.

"Just looking around. Did you mean, 'Good morning Judal?'"

Hakuryuu was baffled. It occurred to him that Judal had no moral code against going through someone else's things. Did he just not know? As he picked up Kougyoku's diary, Hakuryuu lifted it from his grasp. "Can you stop? Please? I'm gonna go take a shower and change and then we'll go, but I don't like you just rummaging around in my bag."

Judal completely ignored him, picking up a book. "Oh, 'The Princess Bride'? I saw the movie once, but I've never read it."

"I'm being serious, this really isn't cool." He grit his teeth, just enough to hurt. It hadn't even been 24 hours, and Judal was under his skin like a glass splinter.

"What, not reading the book and watching the movie first?"

Hakuryuu got down, stuffing his things back into his backpack. "Like I said before, I'm taking a shower and then we're going." He gave his siblings, newly emerged from their stasis, a sharp look, warning them to keep an eye on Judal.

Kougyoku drifted along with him to the bathhouse. "I can't believe I thought you two would be a thing! He's so mean, Hakuryuu! He almost saw all my personal stuff! I'm the only one who gets to read those!"

"He's a jackass." Hakuryuu agreed. "But even I wonder what you wrote in there that's so secret. Are you some kind of foreign spy?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "It's just secret stuff, okay? It's important to me. It's like... What my whole life was, before I died."

Hakuryuu would have answered, but he felt suddenly dizzy. What was the last time he ate? Yesterday afternoon, in the gas station parking lot. Kougyoku frowned. "Ryuu. You better have breakfast. You know how Hakuei feels when you skip meals like that. You know how I feel..."

He felt ashamed. "I would've, I swear. I guess I forgot again. Last night was weird."

"You aren't taking care of yourself." She replied, quietly.

He had to brush her off again, fast, before he thought too hard about it. "Anyway, I guess Judal knows what I looked like before the accident. My class photo was in that bag, remember?"

The air turned a bit cold. "I'm going back. You can't brush me off about stuff like that, Hakuryuu." Kougyoku muttered, drifting back down towards the little cabin.

He probably didn't feel as bad as he should've about that. He showered and changed, happy he remembered his sleeveless hoodie. It wasn't form-fitting, and it allowed his skin to breathe in the Summer heat.

When he stepped out, Hakuei was there waiting for him, a smile plastered on her face. "So, Hakuryuu, I was thinking..." she started, sounding eerily like their mother when she wanted something, "Remember when you and I used to cook things together when you were younger? I was thinking we could do that more often! We could pick up some groceries and find a place with a kitchen, and it'll be just like old times!"

He shrugged. "Is that what you wanna do? What are we gonna do about Judal?"

"Maybe he could help. You could get to know each other a little."

"That doesn't seem too bad." He forced a smile. "I'll just drive around for a while until I find a supermarket." He felt a droplet of water fall onto his shoulder. Was it starting to rain?

Back at the cabin, Judal managed to to make such a nuisance of himself. He lay, sprawled out on his bed, holding his leaf face-up on his palm. It was wilting a little, Hakuryuu noticed, but more interestingly, while it touched Judal's palm, it gave a little jerk each time one of his siblings moved.

"You're gonna have to carry all this stuff to the car." Hakuryuu hoisted up his own backpack. "I'll take care of my things, you take care of yours." Judal pushed himself up, pouting. "You really are mean..."

"I'm just trying to get going before check-out time. Also, we're cooking stuff today. What's your... Favorite desert?"

Judal hummed, filling his arms. "That's a tough one. But I've have to go with peach pie."

Hakuryuu had seen enough of peaches to last him a lifetime. Hakuei looked too happy to deny, however. "Fine. Tonight we're staying in a cottage. I probably have enough cash for one of those country rental deals. That way I'll have a kitchen to cook in."

He really hadn't cooked for a long time. As he waited for Judal to load the trunk (which he did loudly and poorly and petulantly) he tried to remember the last true meal he cooked. Things were a little better now, at least, from right after the accident. Weren't they?

***

"...And the dynasties were Zhou, Qui, Han, Sui, Tang, Song-"

Kouen muttered, the list going on. And when he had finished that, he listed Russian tsars. And when he had finished those, he began to list Egyptian pharohs.

Hakuryuu rolled under his covers, wincing in pain. "I can't sleep, Kouen, stop..." The bandages on his upper torso were starting to chafe against the still-raw burns beneath.

Kouen only mumbled more frantically, this time listing English monarchs.

"Kouen. It's too late, come on." Hakuryuu groaned, weakly. His head was killing him, and he needed to close his eyes or his head would explode like a rotten fruit.

Koumei sighed, flickering on Hakuryuu's desk chair. "We can't stop him. This is just what he does."

He wished he had more medicine. That had made the pain almost bearable his first few days home. But now the effects were wearing off faster, and he was steadily being weaned off his dose.

There was silence for a few seconds, the old farmhouse giving a gentle creak before Kouen stiffened again, now reciting battles in the American Revolution.

Hakuei shook her head, sitting on the floor beside him. "Kouen, our brother needs to sleep, okay?"

He gave no sign of hearing. Hakuryuu felt a sharp pain in his stump. He whimpered, curling up tighter, every fiber in his sheet weighing on him.

Of course they were hurting. They had more right to hurt. Hakuryuu felt ugly for being angry with them, especially Kouen. He squeezed his eyes shut, but that wouldn't stop it. Tears flooded to the surface, choking him. Before Hakuryuu knew it he was crying, his whole face sticky, gasping for breath around each sob.

It wasn't fair. One by one, his siblings turned to watch, even Kouen, though his eyes were still distant. Hakuryuu dared them to try to comfort him. None did.

The door opened a tiny crack. "Hakuryuu?" It was his mother, silhouetted by the distant light in the stairwell. "Are you okay?"

Senselessly, he shook his head, and allowed his mother to sit with him in bed and hold him to her. There was nothing else he could do. He didn't want this kind of comfort, but he knew pushing her away would only make him feel worse.

Nothing was ever going to be normal again. He would never wake up to a real family again, not one of living breathing people. He was so hideous. The mere thought forced more tears out of him.

He let his mother rub his back in silence until he grew too exhausted to keep his eyes open. He shuffled over the edge of sleep, a bitter taste in his mouth, not caring if he woke up or not.

When he did wake, his body felt empty, like a hollowed-out pumpkin, his insides scraped and clawed apart. His mother was gone. Hakuei sat on the bed in her place. "Ryuu. It's time to get up. Your tutor is going to come, remember? Didn't you want your diploma?"

He shook his head. It wasn't worth it.

"You at least need breakfast. You can't keep refusing to eat." She said, her voice a little more terse.

"I'm not trying to. I'm just not hungry right now. Not yet. Give me a little while, okay?"

She looked down at him, sadly. "Okay. I'll hold you to that."

***

Finally, Judal hoisted himself into the passenger's seat, wedging two bags down in the space by his feet. "This is just all the stuff I might need while we're driving." He did not, Hakuryuu noted, put his seatbelt on.

As Hakuryuu pulled out of his space, Judal reached into a bag, making a vivisection of it. His prize was a package of Twinkies, and a large bottle of flat root beer.

Hakuryuu's stomach grumbled. "Where did you get those?"

Like a kindergartener caught while swiping a treat, Judal tensed. "No where. And you can't share." To show his true sentiment, he unwrapped a Twinkie and stuffed the whole thing into his mouth. In the backseat, Kouha wrinkled his nose. "Ew, what the hell?"

Hakuryuu struggled to get his eyes back in the rear view mirror. "Uh. Okay."

Before he knew it, Judal had his hands back in the bag. "Hey, this thing has a CD player!" He crowed, dumping a zip-lock Baggie of CDs onto the median. Hakuryuu could only glance at him in his periphery as he pawed through them.

"Where did you get all those?" He asked, instantly filled with a mild regret.

"Oh, you know, around." Judal answered, making a hand gesture.

Wondering what that could mean, Hakuryuu drove down the valley once more, drops of rain spattering the windshield with ever greater frequency. Judal had knocked his options down to two CDs; Gwen Stefani's Tragic Kingdom, or SIA, the Chandelier single.

Kougyoku, squished between Koumei and Kouha, groaned. "Oh, please say he doesn't pick that Chandelier song. Please."

"I kinda like it." Koumei shrugged.

"Indifferent. But leaning towards silence." Kouen mumbled.

Hakuryuu would have sworn Judal could hear them, because he set down Tragic Kingdom and slid the other disk in. There was a heavy groan from the backseat, along with a shout to change it. Hakuryuu felt obligated. "Actually, I uh, I kind of like the other one better." He said, quickly.

"Really?" Judal's (very nice) eyebrows rose. "It's your car." He switched CD's, which elicited a smaller groan from Kouen, who would always prefer silence.

The sky opened, raindrops pouring over the windshield. "That was fast." Hakuryuu mumbled, under the sounds of "Spiderwebs." They were barely halfway into the belly of the valley, and rain was gushing down the sides of the twisting road.

Judal was playing with something else now; a tiny crystal on a chain, which he looped methodically between his fingers. "Are we there yet?"

"It's been less than five minutes, and I wanna get as far from here as possible. So... No."

He slumped, dramatically, back in his seat. "You drive like an old hag. Can't we go faster?"

They were driving down a slick, badly paved road, at an angle. "You want me to go faster? Right now?"

"Yes? You should let me drive instead, I'll get us outta here in no time."

Hakuryuu could not picture Judal legally obtaining a driver's license. "No thanks, I can do it myself." He mumbled. Driving with only one arm was increasingly difficult, but still doable. Hakuryuu considered himself a good and cautious driver. If he let Judal behind the wheel, something told him he would be joining his siblings in ghost-hood.

Judal was now spinning the chain, the crystal making a circular blur like helicopter blades. "Don't blame me if it takes all day to get there then!"

Kouen hunched down in the backseat. "Hakuei, why?"

Hakuei looked personally attacked. "He needed help! Why not?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, for anyone wondering, Kouen's special interest is history! I really heavily headcanon Kouen as autistic, so I hope that's obvious in my writing alone.   
> And no, Judal has not legally purchased ANYTHING he owns :^)


	7. Chapter 7

The 'f' on the Safeway Groceries sign had gone out, leaving a gap like a missing tooth in the letters spread over the building's awning. It had taken them over 40 minutes to completely leave the county behind, and it was still pouring rain. Hakuryuu struggled to push his cart through a puddle towards the store, but with only one hand, the cart keeled towards the right with every step. 

He was losing sight of his siblings in the fine mist, but Judal was unbearably easy to locate. 

"Fuck, I stepped in another puddle!" His voice burst through the mist. "It's like there's no dry land left!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to spread my coat over each puddle so you can step across unassailed?" Said Hakuryuu, dryly.

"Yes!"

"Hey, here's an idea." He stopped, letting the cart drift listlessly into a pothole. "You can go get a cart for yourself, and fill it with anything you want. Go crazy." Anything to get Judal out of his hair. 

The drive had been filled with loud pop music, mixed with 90's alternative, and Judal's snarky comments about the names of towns they passed, or the way other drivers were acting on the road. Hakuryuu wanted very badly to collect the ingredients for peach pie in relative calm.

He had almost laughed at some of Judal's passing comments, but he wouldn't be saying that out loud.

Judal whooped, his cheap sandals slapping in every puddle as he ran for a cart. Was it possible to regret saying something so quickly?

It was freezing inside the small supermarket. The contrasting cold shocked Hakuryuu like an ice cube slithering down his back, the warm rain on his arms suddenly icy. The lighting was dim, buzzing and crackling in some places. One nearby wall was taken up completely by fireworks, and a small herd of black flies slammed themselves into the display windows.

Judal, pushing his cart with ease, sighed as he entered. The flickering lights did something to him... Hakuryuu somehow found his face impossible to look away from. "Holy shit, I haven't felt real air conditioning in months." He groaned, basking in the cold like a lizard sunning itself.

Already, the Rens had scattered. Hakuryuu caught a glance of Kougyoku attempting to grab a box of Froot Loops, her old favorite cereal. It hurt, just a bit.

Judal, recovering from his awe, stared around at the shelves. "Whoa. There's so much food, why? Who even eats this much?"

Hakuryuu shook his head, stalking down a shadowy aisle. Let Judal find what he would. He picked up baking soda and powder, a bag of flour, and a cheap pie tin. Would he make the crust himself? Yes he would, he decided. 

Indulgently, he grabbed an armload of individually wrapped rice krispy treats. He had to eat sometime, and he deserved junk food once in a while. At home, meals had been a steady parade of farm raised vegetables and lean beef, which he'd enjoyed to an extent. What was the harm in breaking a pattern?

He heard a crash from somewhere in the store. Then another. Judal, was his first thought. It had to be. Abandoning his cart near the frozen section, Hakuryuu scanned the aisles before walking hesitantly into 'dry and canned goods.'

It was a surprise to find Kouha leaning against a display of stacked baked beans. On either side of him was a rush of cans, like the shelf was vomiting up a bad meal. 

There was something flickering around him. Nudging aside a few cans, Hakuryuu stepped closer. "Kouha, you okay? What happened?"

He looked up, and it was gone. Kouha just looked tired, and a little afraid. "Nothing. The shelf just gave out I guess." He said quickly. 

Hakuryuu sighed. If Judal turned the corner and caught him talking to the empty air... "Okay. I'm getting out of here, I don't want any workers to think I did this."

***

For a brief moment, Kouha felt strong. When the shadows overtook his vision, however shortly, he felt solid. It was like something passing close was feeding him, giving his ghostly form a little more life. 

It would have been nicer if the first thing he did hadn't been to lash out. It felt good for an instant to make something move, make it change, touch the world again.

But when he'd done it, he was filled with sadness. This was the only way he could reach out to anything now. By breaking it.

***

By the time Hakuryuu returned to the checkout, he was genuinely afraid to look at Judal's cart. He promised, he reminded himself, to buy everything in it. Judal rocked excitedly on his heels near the checkout counter, his cart less full than Hakuryuu would have suspected.

"What... is this?" He mumbled, picking up an "As Seen On TV" product.

"Oh, well, that's a pocket hose! It's really small. Travel size."

"These?"

"Sticky Buddies, for like, when you get hair on stuff."

"And this... thing?"

"It's a wine yoke, so you can hold wine without spilling it!"

He made a face. "And you need all of these things why?"

"You promised you'd get them!" Judal made a face. "You promised me!"

"I didn't say I wouldn't..."

"Okay, when I was a kid we didn't have cable, so I just watched those hour long infomercials a lot." He shrugged. "Some of that shit just looked so cool."

That was almost too real for Judal. Hakuryuu felt bizarrely touched. "What about this?" He picked up some duct tape. It was thick, sturdy and brand name. 

"Ah, you know I didn't obtain this figure naturally." Judal said, nonchalantly.

The connection was made. "How long have you been doing that? You know that's really dangerous, right?" He kept a firm hold on the tape. He knew binding with ace bandages was unhealthy. What would tape do to you, if it was wrapped hard enough?

"No it's not! I'm perfectly healthy!" Judal rolled his eyes. "Your method clearly isn't as effective."

Hakuryuu stiffened, hurt. "Shut up." He dumped the tape back in the cart. "I shouldn't even care anymore, but I'll find you something better."

"I didn't mean it as an insult." Judal replied, quickly. "I just meant you could do better. I'm just saying what you already know."

"You didn't fucking have to." Hakuryuu said, too quietly to hear. He paid for both carts, knowing the cashier wasn't seeing a boy. Knowing nobody would.

He took it upon himself to load the car full of groceries, purposely putting Judal's at the bottom of the stack. Now to find some place he could rent for the night. He remembered staying in a pretty functional small cottage once, as a much younger boy. 

Hakuei folded her arms over her chest. "Hakuryuu... don't worry about him. It's gonna be okay." He shook his head slightly, slamming the trunk closed. It wasn't raining anymore, but the moisture in the air was sticking to him like cellophane, further darkening his mood. He just wanted to get this over with, and maybe ditch Judal at the next rest stop. 

Maybe he should use tape too, as uncomfortable and unhealthy as it would be. Then he could look more like Judal, and...

He forced himself to stop thinking about it, and got back in the car, doing a few internet searches, his single bar of data nearly failing him. 

"The Honeybee Inn," he read out loud, "It's got fifteen cottages with utilities. It's not too far, maybe ten more miles." He had been speaking only for his siblings, but Judal cackled. 

"Aw, it's probably some kitschy family place, tons of kids running around." He scoffed, running a hand through his damp bangs to rearrange them. "Whatever floats your boat..."

Was he just not going to apologize? Not responding, Hakuryuu started the car. The music came right back on, Madonna blasting at full volume. Good, Hakuryuu thought, it'll drown him out if he tries to talk to me.

Judal didn't try. In fact, he just looked out the window, his forehead pressed against the glass. Hakuryuu turned down the volume. "Judal? Are you gonna apologize?" 

There was a faint snore. He was asleep, the bastard! Hakuryuu thought angrily. 

The cottages were quaint. Spaced out along the side of the road in the shadow of the next mountain, the blue and white patterned cottages stood mostly vacant, except for two at the end of the line. There was a pool, which sat empty, a few green leaves dotting the calm surface. "Someone tell me if he wakes up, alright?" He murmured, to the crew in the backseat. 

Koumei nodded. "Of course. I don't think he slept at all last night. Maybe he's making up for it now?"

Maybe he was. Hakuryuu crunched a path across the soggy gravel. The main house was equally as quaint as the cottages. The garden was filled with ornaments, wooden carvings and flags sticking out of the green grass. Half a dozen bird feeders dangled from a beech tree, whose branches threatened to engulf the house in their embrace. He knocked on the door, not getting an answer. It was probably alright to just walk in.

The inside resembled the outside. Smooth paneled oak made up the floor and walls, which were gloriously hung with embroideries and clocks and framed artwork. At the other end of the entryway was a little desk, and at that desk sat a man with long, blond hair.

The whole thing made Hakuryuu nostalgic, although he was positive he had never been here in his life. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, I'd lie to rent a cottage for the night. I'm Hakuryuu Ren. Do you take debit?" The man was looking at some cards spread out on the desk. Solitaire, maybe?

He looked up, smiling amiably. "We do, actually." He was wearing a large and floppy garden hat, and under the desk Hakuryuu could see he was wearing rain boots. 

"Great... that's great." His hair was longer than he first thought, stretching down almost to his hip. It was longer than Judal's, but it reminded him of that glossy black braid.

"Pass it to me. Will you write your name in the guest book?" 

Hakuryuu found his debit card, putting it face-up on the table next to a card labeled 'The Hanged Man.' There was a pen there too, and a little hard-covered guest book, which he clumsily wrote his name in. 

"I'm Yunan." The man said, taking his card with another smile. Beside 'The Hanged Man' lay one marked 'Death' and under that, 'The Magician.' "If you or your friends need anything during your stay, you can come ask me."

"Friends? But I didn't say..." 

"You're all set." He smiled that same smile, offering back Hakuryuu's debit card, along with a small bronze key and an information booklet.

He cast a final look at the table. 'The Fool' gazed back at him, a jaunty little man in a cap, striding over a cliff under the sun. "Thank you." He uttered, quietly. 

Some things in the yard seemed different when he passed them by the second time. A garden gnome now held a fishing rod in its ceramic hands. Where a cluster of wooden birds once stood, there was a statue of a deer. Perhaps it was viewing it from a different angle. 

He opened the car door, feeling a sensation of loneliness pass over him like a heavy cloud. On his seat were two still-wrapped Twinkies. Judal was still sleeping, but in a different position than before. Hakuryuu touched them, his stomach a newly reopened wound. 

"Why?"

"I saw him do it!" Kougyoku floated up, leaning over the back of his seat. "He woke up after you went in. I think it's his way of saying sorry."

"I would eat them." Koumei suggested. "They're still in the package, and you need it."

He peeled back the crinkling wrapper, eating each one like a banana in the peel. It filled the void a little, even if the sweetness stung his teeth. 

For a moment, he thought Judal was incapable of apology or remorse. It turned out he just wasn't sure how to be apologetic. He had the emotional fluency of a piece of stale bread. 

Sleeping, Judal looked hurt. His eyes fell shut in a way that looked like crying. His legs, tugged up to his chest, made him seem like a baby bird curled in its egg, all hollow bones and fragility. His mouth was slack, a slight frown. Hakuryuu had a notion to lean over, to touch his brittle spine, to ease his strained lungs, crushed tight by plastic and fabric mesh. Fragile. A boy watching infomercials in the dark, wanting. A hundred CDs scuffing each other, tossed in a plastic bag to make them easier to carry. 

"What are you thinking, Hakuryuu?" Hakuei asked, softly. 

"It's just..." He stretched out his hand, moving a small piece of Judal's bangs away from his face. "Nothing. I forgive him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word on binding with things that are not specifically produced for that purpose;
> 
> DO NOT
> 
> In addition to respiratory issues, binding too tightly or using something not meant for binding (bandages etc) can warp your chest and in extreme cases, make it dangerous to eventually undergo top surgery. Judal, in this story, does not yet have any long term health issues, but I will make it clear that it causes him discomfort. 
> 
> On a lighter note, Yunan makes a brief cameo! I'm probably going to keep doing this. Making the world around Hakuryuu steadily more surreal and unexplainable is something I'm definitely planning on as well.
> 
> And last but not least, Kouha! Where is he getting this power from, anyway?


	8. Chapter 8

Since Judal was still napping, Hakuryuu took it upon himself to bring the ingredients up to the cottage. At the clouds gave way to a buttery, mid-afternoon sun, a few vacationing children flocked to the pool. The chorus of insects rose again in the forest, echoing down from the mountain. It was peaceful, Hakuryuu thought. Isolated, but peaceful. 

The cottage, which held a kitchen, a small dining area, a bedroom and a bathroom, was spotlessly clean, and smelled like burning candles. Hakuryuu organized his bags on the counter, taking out ingredients one by one. Judal's bags he placed on the table.

"Ryuu, do you remember what to preheat the oven to?" Hakuei drifted in beside him. 

He nodded. "Of course. I've made peach pie how many times now?" He took the peaches out of their bag, checking them again for blemishes. 

"Perfect." She smiled. "It will be just like old times! Remember when it was Kouen's birthday, and we made him cupcakes?"

"He picked all the sprinkles off." Hakuryuu's mouth twitched to a smile. "And Kouha ate them in one mouthful." He worked quickly, setting aside a bowl to beat the eggs in, sprinkling flour over a stretch of counter so it would be ready to roll the dough for the pie crust on. 

Speak of the devil. Kouha popped in almost right on top of Hakuryuu, the air at his back buzzing like carbonated water. "I bet it's gonna taste great." He grumbled.

"Now that's just overkill." Hakuryuu sighed through his nose. "You don't need to milk it. Go do something helpful."

"He woke up, by the way." Kouha floated upwards in the air, until he could easily touch the ceiling, red hair in two long pigtails dangling in Hakuryuu's face. 

Hakuryuu ducked, trying to keep his vision locked on the egg he was cracking. "That's not a big deal... hey, you're kind of see-though, but it's still hard to tell what I'm doing when your hair is in my eyes."

"Oh, one of your eyes is wonky now anyway." Kouha performed another slow loop de loop.

He didn't feel like arguing. Judal took that moment to stroll in like he owned the place, eyes roving. "Not too shabby!" He scrambled up to sit on the counter, only a few inches away from the flour. His presence made Hakuryuu nervous, as though at any moment he would upend a bowl. 

But he didn't. "I've never baked a pie before. If you want, you can tell me what's going on, maybe?" He asked, hopefully.

Hakuei smiled. "This is a great opportunity! Go on, tell him." 

Hakuryuu had no choice. "Right now I'm sort of going by memory. I have to make dough, for the top and bottom crust of the pie. That's what this bowl is for, and the butter. When I'm done, I'll put it in the fridge to chill for a bit and start on the pie filling." He swept at the peaches with his elbow. 

Judal grabbed a peach. "Would it matter if I just ate this one now?" 

"I did get a little extra. Knock yourself out."

Judal took a bite, looking self-satisfied. Kouha performed another mid air tumble, his hair once again blocking Hakuryuu's vision. Hakuryuu ducked, frowning, before realizing Judal was staring. "What was that for, Haku?"

The nickname was a little surprising. He jumped back up. "Nothing, nothing, there was just a fly and I'm kind of jumpy."

"Makes sense." Judal watched intently as Hakuryuu mixed the dough, making squiggly lines in the flour. At first, having a spectator was distracting. Judal was very much there, his breathing a conscious presence, the flicker of his eyes almost distracting. 

He got used to it, gradually. By the time he started slicing the peaches, the silence between them was comfortable. Kouha had levitated completely upside down, and was making various electronics hiss and crackle by passing his fingers through them. Hakuei leaned on the counter beside him, a hint of a smile on her mouth. It was peaceful. Normal.

And then Judal opened his mouth. "So, you think I can help? I'm great with a knife." He grinned wickedly, putting a shiver through Hakuryuu. What context was that in? 

He had to try to trust him. "Fine, if that's what you want." He handed Judal a knife and a peach. "Peel it and slice it like this into the bowl." He quickly demonstrated. "Don't feel bad if you get nicked or something, it took me years to get it perfect."

Judal turned the peach over, peeling it with an unexpected skill. "What's that about nicking myself?"

Hakuryuu flushed a bit. "Nothing. Just peel those, will you?"

He taught Judal how to knead and roll the chilled dough. The small room grew warm from the oven. Was it odd to stand so close together? Hakuryuu kept wondering, his and Judal's arms frequently brushing. He was probably the only one noticing it. Hakuei certainly didn't mention it, but if she thought it was strange, would she?

"I've never done anything like this before." Judal said, as Hakuryuu cut slits in the top crust. "Never made a dessert myself, y'know?"

"You do seem to live on Little Debbie snacks." Hakuryuu struggled not to roll his eyes. "Once you have a real dessert you'll see how weird and chemical those things are. Don't you wonder why they last literally forever?"

Judal shrugged. "Nah. But once I had a Devil Dog just hanging out in my bag for a couple months and when I ate it nothing bad happened."

"That's... Anyway, I'm gonna put the pie in. What should we do while it's baking?" 

Hakuei made a soft noise. 'We?' She mouthed. 'Are you friends now?' Hakuryuu brushed it off. They were not friends. Just acquaintances.

Judal tapped his lips with one finger. "Eh. I don't know. Wanna go swimming?" 

Hakuryuu vigorously shook his head. "I don't... I mean, I can't..."

The other put up a hand quickly to stop him. "It's cool, it's cool, I get it."

Hakuryuu relaxed. Judal wouldn't make him go. No one could make him swim. "I never really got a chance to ask, but how old are you?"

Judal wrinkled his nose. "I kind of forget. I think my birthday is in Spring. Maybe Winter? Fall. No, it's in Fall. All I know is I'm at least eighteen, and probably not older than twenty-one."

"That's real specific. My birthday is in June."

"And you're... what, thirteen years old?"

"Eighteen! I can drive out of state! I have a real license! And a bank account!"

Judal poked his face, which had gotten embarrassingly red. "I'm just kidding. You're at least a high school freshman. You're real petit, huh?"

He had to remind himself that these jabs were just how Judal communicated. "If you can call 5'5 petit." He went through the motion of crossing his arms, though, with only one whole, the effect was dampened. "My brother Kouen says I still might get taller. He hit his growth spurt pretty late."

"Your brother, huh?" Judal looked much more interested. "Now we're getting somewhere! For a while there I thought maybe you came out of a cabbage or some shit. Hakuryuu's family. Wow."

"If you're going to bother me, I'll just tell you. I had seven siblings... three biological, four step siblings. Two of them died in service. Oh, but that was after my biological father died."

"You are just surrounded by death, aren't you?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Hakuryuu felt his stump twinge a little. Phantom pain? 

"Gonna tell me what happened there?" Judal asked as Hakuryuu rubbed the stump. 

"Nope. Not today."

Hakuei frowned. "Hakuryuu, you can't just have pie. Didn't you get any real food? To cook?" 

He knew he'd been forgetting something. He'd only picked up baking supplies, not an actual dinner. "You know Judal, maybe we should go get some dinner. Or a late lunch. I'll put the pie in the fridge, we can bake it when we get back here."

Judal waved a hand. "Sure, sure. I get to pick the place though."

***

Meanwhile, Kougyoku and Koumei, along with a reluctant Kouen, explored the grounds. 

"You know, I hope they're getting along in there." Koumei stood halfway through a chain link fence, near the pool. "I don't think we should bother him, right?"

Kougyoku leapt into the pool next to a small boy in an inner tube, but her feet stopped at the surface. "Hey, look what I can do! Walk on water!" 

"I'm serious, what if something went wrong? What if that guy really is a serial killer?" Koumei wrung his hands a bit. 

She looked up. "I'm sure they're doing fine! Judal doesn't seem mean. Weird, sure. Evil? Nope. I can just tell. I'm just happy Hakuryuu is talking to somebody alive."

Kouen milled about on the main lawn, peering at an ornate metal sculpture of a rooster. "He's fine. And you're right, if we all went to check on him, it would probably do more harm than good."

"And Kouha and Hakuei are there! It'll be fine."

Koumei chuckled. "Kouha's been in a mood, but there's nothing he loves more than introducing people. He's a good match maker. He could make any two people into fast friends."

"See?" Kougyoku took a few more steps on the water. "It feels like walking on Jell-O. You should come try."

Koumei looked back and forth before realizing there was no one to watch him potentially make a fool of himself.

***

"It's getting dark, Judal. We've been driving for a long time, and I need gas, and you need to pick a place."

Judal had his feet pulled up on the seat, and was rolling a ball of Mighty Putty in his fingers. "I'm just not in the mood for anything we've seen! Cut me some slack. I'll pick as soon as we pass somewhere actually good."

They had been driving around the small town. Judal didn't see anything good. Hakuryuu, fed up, had pulled back onto the highway and gone one town over. The sun was now setting, its glow faintly gold through the cloud cover, and the road snaked in curves through the forested hills. Was Judal a gourmet now? Did they need to find a five star restaurant before he would dare step foot inside?

"Maybe be firm? When you pass the next one, just say you're going there." Hakuei suggested, sensing his annoyance. 

He knew he had to eat, even if he still didn't feel like it. They rounded a long curve, the lights of a diner cutting through the faint twilight sun. "We're going there." Hakuryuu nodded with his head. The parking lot was mostly empty, the glass windows obscured by the glare of the lights inside. 

Judal seemed satisfied. "That's perfect. You're paying, right? We don't have to sneak in the kitchen?"

"Have you done that?"

"Why not? Warm food is good."

"So you steal." It wasn't a question. Judal was a thief. Hakuryuu still held the diner door open for him, his instinctive politeness winning out over distrust. Judal strode inside, not thanking him. Why did he bother?

There was a gasp. "Come look at this!" Judal's nose was pressed against a claw machine, his breath making patches of fog on the plexiglass. 

"Nobody wins those things." Hakuryuu scoffed. "I haven't. I've never seen anybody else win one either." Though, the toys were pretty cute. There was an array of plushes, from rabbits to songbirds, a super sized octopus taking up one corner. 

"I want that one." Judal stabbed his finger towards a little hyena. 

"Haven't you ever seen the Lion King?"

"The what?"

"Never mind." He fished out a few dollars. "Let's try." He knew he was being a pessimist. 

"He's not gonna do it, no one ever does!" Kougyoku frowned. 

Judal gladly took the money.

He wasn't going to do it, Hakuryuu though, confidently. He was-

"Gotcha!" Judal held up his prize. 

How did he do that? Hakuryuu stared, blankly. "That was a fluke. I wasn't even looking. Do it again. I doubt you can win the octopus."

Judal stuck in a second dollar, squinting. He guided the claw quickly to the back of the machine, positioning it over the octopus's head before slamming the button.

Kouha whistled, watching the crane easily lift the toy. 

"Okay, okay, maybe this is just an easy machine. Maybe anybody can win." Hakuryuu nudged Judal out of the way, sliding in a dollar of his own. 

He tried a whopping five times to win a stuffed alligator. Judal snickered. "Yikes."

"Oh, shut up. I have one arm. And shitty depth perception."

Judal thrust the octopus out at him, wiggling it. "If you can eat more food than me, I'll give you this little guy."

"Is that a challenge? Are you challenging me?" Right now, just eating was a daunting task. He always felt sick after, or it tasted awful going down. But something about Judal's expression made him liable to jump out of his skin for a chance to beat him at something. 

Hakuei nodded, eagerly. "You can take him!"

"Yeah, it is, if you think you can beat me." Judal grinned. 

Hakuryuu got a table, ordering two orders of the most impressive dish on the menu; a seafood platter, complete with shrimp, fried clams, battered salmon and a large side of fries. Judal asked their waitress for a paper kiddie menu, which he doodled on in crayons while they waited. 

"That's quite good." Koumei looked over his shoulder. "He's getting the shading on your scars down to a science, I'm telling you."

"Are you drawing me?" Hakuryuu leaned across the table. Judal slid the placemat back, planting his arms over the doodle. "Don't look until I'm done!"

Kougyoku giggled. "Ryuu, he's got talent. You should see this."

It was probably just to make fun of him. As the waitress set down their plates, he huffed, seemingly disgusted, balling up the placemat and dropping it on the floor. "Ready? We start on three."

Hakuryuu felt hungry. It was almost a miracle. The food looked appetizing, and it smelled... good. "One. Two."

"Three!" Judal dropped a handful of fried clams into his mouth. 

Hakuryuu had never eaten so quickly. He started with the fries, working his way across the plate. He'd forgotten what it was like to enjoy his meals. Since that day, even when he was hungry, eating had been mechanical. A necessity. 

The fries were salty and buttery and everything made his fingers greasy, but when he'd finished the last bite of salmon, he felt an overpowering feeling of satisfaction. 

Triumphant, he held out an arm. "I'll be taking my octopus now."

Judal gaped, checking on the floor as though Hakuryuu would cheat and hide some of his meal. "Shit, you really beat me!"

Hakuryuu waggled his fingers, feeling a smile creep over his own cheeks. "Prize. Please."

Grumbling, Judal stuck the toy in his hand. "Ah whatever, pay the bill and let's get outta here."

Hakuryuu stuck some bills in the check folder, Judal, clearly already bored, striding off to poke at the jukebox. Hakuei gave him a proud look. "Ryuu, hey, you did really good today."

He wasn't sure what exactly she meant, but he smiled anyway, rubbing the back of his neck. "Eh. I tried I guess." 

Before leaving, he scooped the crumpled placemat off the floor. It was indeed him, scribbled over a word search in blue crayon. What surprised him most was that nothing stood out as mocking. It was just his face, the scar, as Koumei pointed out, very well shaded. He looked quickly at Judal to make sure he was still occupied before folding it neatly and tucking it into his sports bra.

He stopped short when he realized Kouen had seen. His brother only gave him an amused look, shaking his head slightly.

It was no big deal. It was a good drawing, and he wanted to keep it. It was different than looking in the mirror; who he saw on the page looked like him.

The night was so calm, like the surface of a lake left undisturbed by wind or living touch. Hakuryuu felt something spill into his chest the moment his feet carried him out the doors. He was full, and the dark air was cool on his skin, and he didn't feel so bitter. Judal joined him outside. "You are not gonna believe what I used the extra money you gave me for." He snickered, the stuffed hyena cradled in his arms. "You're just not gonna believe it." Hakuryuu could faintly hear some music playing inside.

"Did you put a song on replay?"

Judal nodded, grinning. "I put on 'Take On Me' ten times in a row."

"Amazing, now let's get the fuck out of here." Hakuryuu grumbled.

He opened the car, tossing his plush onto the dashboard before Judal gasped. "Haku, you gotta see this!"

"Wha- Oh, shit." On one side of the lot, a gleaming black motorcycle lay on its side against the pavement. It had no plates, as far as Hakuryuu could see. One headlight was cracked, but otherwise the motorcycle seemed unharmed. Judal bent down, arms straining as he tried to pick it up. After some second, he forced it up, putting down the kickstand. 

Things like that usually weren't just lying around. Hakuryuu wanted to be more skeptical, but as Judal turned the keys (still in the ignition), the machine howling to life, it was impossible to feel anything but curiosity. "Come on Hakuryuu, that pie can wait, I wanna try this out!"

"Don't do it." Kouen warned, his face solemn. 

"Hakuryuu, come on, you're being an idiot." Kouha tried to grab his shirt, but it was too late; Hakuryuu was already stepping closer.

"Do you know how to drive one of these?"

"Eh, I have good hand eye coordination. Have a ever ridden a motorcycle? Nope. Can I find out? Probably. It'll be fun! That campground was so fucking boring, you've gotta humor me." Judal scooted back, patting the leather seat in front of him.

Hakuryuu didn't look back at the ghosts. He could do something insane, couldn't he? He'd already left home, blocked his mother's phone, and picked up a bizarre vagrant, who was starting to grow on him a little. 

There was a faint gleam in Judal's eyes, like he was accustomed to being let off his chain. Hakuryuu slid onto the seat, his heart speeding up. "Well? You tell me, how are we gonna do this."

"Can we use your phone?" Judal's acidic voice was so close to Hakuryuu's ear, it made him jump a little. He dug it out, putting in the password. There had been almost no service before, but now, so close to Judal, he had full bars.

He read aloud from a WikiHow article. Judal stopped him halfway, claiming to "get it," and proceeded to gun to engine. 

It took at least a whole minute for Hakuryuu to stop having a heart attack. His siblings' faces had all been set in varying shades of dismay and fear. 

He had the body. He did what he wanted.

And so he found himself pressed back against Judal as they sped from the lot, seeming to accelerate faster with each passing second. What was he supposed to hold onto? Behind him, Judal laughed, raucously, and the metal barrier of the highway smudged into a streak of grey on either side. The wind blasted over him in sheets, tearing and lifting his hair.

His fears quieted, slowly but surely. Judal was skillful, taking the bike around each bend in the road. They hit a ramp, and then they were on the freeway, Judal taking them faster and faster alongside lumbering oil tankers and humming station wagons, lights and tail lights leaving residual trails in the darkness.

He was still breathing hard, but for other reasons now. It was exhilarating. Like flying, almost, skimming along the surface of the earth. He could feel Judal's next bout of laughter, as vibrations in his back. When did he move so far back into his chest? 

Judal smelled odd, like an old library book, or maybe cloves. Hakuryuu chided himself for taking note of it.

"Having fun?" Judal called above the wind, the motorcycle darting in and out of the glowing street lights, pools of brightness in yawning night. 

Hakuryuu could only bring himself to nod, gripping the seat harder. That couldn't be safe... he moved his hand to Judal's leg and held tight. 

Judal pressed on the brake, the roars of the ignition quieting to to a growl. He took the bike off the road, throwing down the kickstand in a copse of pine trees. "Now that we're all warmed up, we can go for a hike!"

It wasn't any kind of logic, but Hakuryuu slithered off the bike and into the inky embrace of the woods.

To run. Hakuryuu hadn't run for weeks. He felt worn out after only a few yards of sprinting, his sides cramped, weeds and ferns catching on his legs. Judal was ahead of him, slithering between two tree trunks, prancing over a stream, leading Hakuryuu further and further until he could feel that they were lost.

They were lost. Under waves of euphoria, he knew that much. He ran harder, following Judal up an incline, feeling out for roots and stones in the soil of the hill. He didn't need to trip. 

Hakuryuu fell beside Judal on a cracked boulder, his panting discordant with Judal's. It took time for the exertion to clear, for the spots in his vision to give way to stars, and far down the mountainside, the rushing highway. 

Judal spoke first. "See? And now we know how to get back." He flung a hand to the highway. "Right there. Easy."

"S-shut up." Hakuryuu managed to hold the serious tone for less than two seconds before bursting into laughter. Did it normally feel that great to laugh? Even with the sweat clinging to his skin and the exhaustion poking thistles into his muscles, just that release of sound and breath unlocked a room in his consciousness he'd lost access to.

They laid in silence again before Judal rolled over. "Honestly Hakuryuu, where are you going? Where's your final destination? You're just out here, I don't get it."

"I don't really..." He paused. "No, California. I'm going to California."

"Sure. Right; and you're doing this right now, because last time I checked, guys your age are usually getting ready for college, or trying to find a job."

Hakuryuu looked up at the stars. "I'm just not ready yet. That accident took... a lot out of me."

"Aren't you dark and mysterious?" Judal whistled.

"My siblings died. Our plane crashed, and they all died on impact, and now I'm the only one left and it's just me and my mom who fucking hates me, and my step-dad who lives in Seattle." The words were heavy, like iron nails in his mouth.

There was another silence.

"Yeah. So." Judal's voice was less hard. Could it be that he felt pity for Hakuryuu? "I was adopted. My mom was super rich. Like, celebrity rich. But she just forgot about me, I think. Went to Vietnam on some charity thing, picked up a baby, forgot I existed."

Hakuryuu's ears were perked. Was Judal being honest? "Uh... go on."

"I just took care of myself, I guess. Her house was so huge, and nobody stopped me from just doing whatever I wanted. And then one day I realized it was just me. Yeah, they left me there by myself. So no cable for a while." He laughed.

"She left you? Alone? For how long?"

"Well, she went to Europe to get married again. And then their honeymoon lasted... I don't know, like two years? I was little. Time was weird for me. By the time she came back I was..."

Hakuryuu had been left alone sometimes as a child. His mother would close the door for long hours. It was just him and Hakuei in the house, their brothers and father gone, and their mother locked in a sadness that would break for nothing. Judal had spent years by himself.

"Let's just say it wasn't pretty." He finished. "For a while she was like, super nice to me, like she felt guilty. She got me therapy and everything. It took four months for her to forget I existed again."

"I'm sorry." Hakuryuu blurted, genuinely feeling it. "I am."

"It doesn't matter, cause when I got old enough I just left. I'm good at taking care of myself now, and besides... the weirdest stuff always happens when I'm around, so it's like fate is looking out for me. Don't get me wrong, it's never been a smooth ride, but when I least expect it, what I need just falls into my hands."

Now it was time for Hakuryuu to be selfish. "When did you... I mean, you're trans, right? So how did you... I don't know, find out?"

"Honestly, no fucking clue. I just grew up thinking I was a guy. I never had a biology lesson, exactly, and I was the only person I was seeing naked, so I didn't know the difference. I guess the minute I found all that out I just knew."

"I didn't. I was just awkward, for a long time. Maybe I was twelve? I starting thinking about being masculine. How good it felt to pretend to be a boy. And thank god my sister helped me, because without her guiding me I would still be so confused, believe me."

Judal made a face. "About today. Well. What I said to you."

"Don't mention it, please." Hakuryuu wouldn't have Judal scrape out a mediocre apology now, especially since he'd already forgiven him. 

"So what are you?"

"Hm?"

"Like, racially, what..."

Hakuryuu had been asked that by bothersome classmates numerous times, mostly in an effort to poke fun at him. Was he that kind of Asian? Could he say their names? Write them in characters? Judal's question felt different, though. "Chinese, from Hong Kong."

"I don't know where I was born, but my mom got me in Da Nang. I'm really not caught up with anything. I don't know a single word in Vietnamese..."

"Don't feel bad. I only know a few words of Chinese. My step-siblings were from mainland China... my mom and dad were second generation American, but my stepdad was only recently made an American citizen. So all four of them knew Mandarin, and they did cultural stuff, but my sister and I just weren't included in it."

"So we're the same!"

What a relief. "We're the same." Hakuryuu answered softly. He repeated it, for the moon, which was eavesdropping overhead. "You and I are the same."

He met Judal only the night before, and hadn't known what to make of him. He still didn't. But he was beginning to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just assuming Judal basically has the hand-eye and muscle coordination of a robot right now, hence why he can win a skill crane in thirty seconds, and while a car is too large and dangerous for him to pilot safely, a motorcycle is just the right size for his skills.  
> So there we have it! Judal is like a Weird magnet. Whenever he's around, strange things just seem to happen. I will definitely be expanding on that (and his childhood too)


	9. Chapter 9

It took significantly longer to find the bike again. Hakuryuu managed to slam into several tree trunks in the darkness, and Judal, who claimed to have night vision and wouldn't let Hakuryuu use the flashlight on his phone, led them directly into a stream. 

All in all, it took them at least twice the time to reach the bottom as it had to reach the top. What would his siblings be thinking? Were they worried about him? It occurred to him that they would probably be very upset. 

Judal sat back on the bike, shuffling it closer to the road. "Ready?" He asked, expectantly. When Hakuryuu sat down in front of him again, he was doubly aware of how very close they were. How he could just feel his breath, how, if he turned just a little, he would be able to look him in the eyes. He leaned back into him as they raced on through the darkness, feeling stupidly complacent and warm. 

The instant he stepped, slightly dazed, off the bike, he was met with a wave of frigid air, his siblings forming a wreath around him. 

"Hakuryuu I'm so happy you're okay!" Hakuei sighed, the edges of her form flickering rapidly. "You didn't crash! You're still alive!"

"Lucky you." Kouha rolled his eyes. Hakuryuu smiled faintly, striding on through them. 'You know you care.' He mouthed back at his sibling.

Judal was still laughing under his breath as he scrambled back into the car. "Come on Ryuu, let's blow this pop stand, I'm ready for pie!" Hakuryuu joined him, his nerves still leaping and a funny ringing echoing in his ears. Strange things always happened around Judal, he'd said it himself. Was that why he felt so electrified? 

Kougyoku leaned all the way between their seats, resting her incorporeal form on the center console. "So... what's going on here? Hakuryuu, can you see? There are all these little pink things around you!" 

Hakuryuu, cautiously backing up, paused to check the air around him. There was nothing. It must be a phenomenon only visible to the dead. "I see them too." Kouen muttered. "They don't look harmful, they're just... there."

"Judal has some too." Koumei frowned. "His look like little black moths."

"Ryuu, come on, let's get going!" Judal slumped over on the dashboard. "What's taking you so long?" 

"Oh, stop whining." He moved back onto the main road, pulling his phone out again for the GPS. "Yikes... I need to charge this as soon as we get back."

"And can I put the pie in the oven?"

"If you do it carefully, sure." Judal seemed relatively excited about getting to do such a mundane thing.

It was beyond mundane. Upon reaching the cottage again, Judal slid the pie onto the oven rack, setting the timer. He had left his stuffed toy in the car, and raced back to get it, along with a few of his bags. "I call first for the shower! My hair is high maintenance." He accounced, shepherding himself into the bathroom, the fan turning on with a whoosh. 

Hakuryuu plugged in his phone, sitting down carefully on a small armchair near the bed, rubbing his eyes, his hand taking a turn over each socket. The world was still rushing in his ears, he realized, his high from the bike ride still crackling through him. The room was unreal now, the bedspread haunting, the air conditioner whirring off-key. 

"You're getting so reckless." Kouen materialized on the edge of the bed, resting his chin on his interlaced fingers. "I don't think you realize how dangerous some of these things you're doing are. I guess all I can do is tell you that, and warn you, but you're becoming your own man. You need some common sense."

Hakuryuu mulled that over. "Maybe now just isn't the time for common sense. My entire life defies logic, in case you forgot. Your body is in a fancy container in the ground."

"Judal doesn't know the meaning of safety, is what I'm saying. It's in all those little black things, flying around him. I can see who he is."

"We had a fucking heart to heart, okay? It felt nice to connect with somebody not dead. Also he's not that awful... Did you know he spent most of his childhood ignored? Like, actually forgotten about."

Kouen cleared his throat, opened his mouth to speak, and then thought better of it, drifting back through the wall.

Better. He felt a tiny bit guilty for worrying them, but beyond that, his heart was untroubled. He could hear the shower stream hiss on like a sudden summer shower. 

It would sort of be his fault if Judal hurt himself, Hakuryuu thought. He knew very well how Judal was binding, and evidently, it wasn't a sin to go through the belongings of others. 

He slid off the chair, grabbing the string backpack first. This one was filled entirely with CDs and a half-used pack of batteries, the Walkman shoved in sideways. He checked a nearby duffel bag, similarly haphazardly packed with clothes. Did he know how to fold anything? Hakuryuu allowed himself to get a little sidetracked, neatly folding a pair of sweatpants and two hoodies before moving on.

The backpack next to them was a disaster. After digging through a top layer of Ho-Ho's and frosted cupcakes, Hakuryuu's hand came into contact with a dozen small things at once. Torn between fascination and revulsion, he began to unpack and examine them. 

He was completely unsurprised by the mostly-full ziplock bag of weed. Of course. It seemed right in Judal's interest range. The little windup toys were interesting, though. Hakuryuu set them loose one by one on the floor. One little mechanical bug scurried under the bed, and Hakuryuu had to lunge to grab it. 

It was swiftly evident that Judal liked to keep things he had no immediate or eventual need for. He was a hoarder, Hakuryuu realized, his mind drifting to reality TV. After the fifth used popsicle stick with a semi-funny joke, that much at least was apparent. There were several bottles of hotel soap, but these Judal had drawn little faces on. He used Dove invisible white deodorant. He probably spent most of his change on tiny plastic prizes, because the bottom of the backpack was littered with sticky hands and mood rings.

After a long and fruitless search, Hakuryuu discovered a roll of tape in the front pocket, right on top. Snatching it and the new roll from Judal's grocery bag, he forced the kitchen window, tossing them both into a hydrangea bush. Kouha floated down sideways, smirking a little. "Dick move, Hakuryuu."

"What else was I supposed to do?" He returned to the bedroom, shoving Judal's things into approximately the right places. Kouha grabbed at the weed. "Ooh, you have a criminal on your hands."

"Who knows why he's got this? Also, did you expect his bag was gonna be full of candy or something?"

"Nah, actually I expected coke." 

Hakuryuu tried to shove him away. "I'm not concerned with his legacy or anything, but you're trying really hard to get under my skin." 

"You are! You are concerned about him! You know what Koumei thinks?" 

Hakuryuu zipped up the bag again, shoving it in the corner. "What does he think?" He asked, tiredly.

"He think you guys went off and fucked or something. Wouldn't that be neat."

Hakuryuu went a bit red. Of course they hadn't. Kouha was acting strange, his floating erratic, the flickering of his body intense and spontaneous. "That's some accusation. I don't see why you ca-" 

"Ooh, look at me, I'm Hakuryuu and I'm alive and I can ride a motorcycle and go fuck weird guys in the woods, and I have a future!" There was a crushing feeling. Kouha looked bigger than before.

"Now I know Koumei didn't say that. You're just making it up. Why are yo-"

He vanished. With a snap, Kouha's form folded up like a slip of paper, leaving behind the smell of ashes. 

Confusion sank into fear. "Kouha? Are you okay? Can you hear me?" There was something wrong with Kouha. There was something wrong with his step-brother, and the immense guilt he felt for not noticing sooner rocked him. He pushed the door of the cottage open, disturbing a host of moths resting near the porch light. 

Kouha was out there. He hadn't gone far, only to the lawn of the main house, where he sat curled in a ball underneath a bird bath. "I don't know what to say to him." Hakuryuu murmured.

His siblings were there. "Neither do we." Hakuei looked sadly to Kouha, whose pigtails trailed in the wet grass. "Something's happened to him in death. That's not our Kouha. Well... it's him, but not the way he was before. He's not full of love anymore."

Kougyoku folded her arms around her middle. "Maybe we could go try to help? Maybe we could find out what's wrong."

Hakuryuu nodded slowly. "I don't want to go through that with him again. I already feel bad for not seeing how upset he was. It'll be better if you talk to him. I mean, you're all dead, so you can level with him. He probably won't take it from me."

He was alone again in an instant, the wisps of his family ringing around the shivering Kouha. 

What now? The pie was a long way from finished. He could read a book, relax a bit. Judal was evidently fixing to stay in the shower all night. Hakuryuu snagged his backpack, returned to his chair, and tried not to worry too much about about his brother.

Sticking his hand down past a wad of clothes, he hit the spine of a book. It was a little unfamiliar to the touch. Pulling it out, the cover was unrecognizable; an ocean scene, with a fancy "K" doodled in one corner in glitter pen.

Kougyoku's journal. Hakuryuu's hand released, the book plopping into his lap. He shouldn't be looking at this. How long had she been keeping a diary? Her whole life would be on these pages. If there was one thing he knew about his sister, it was that she was full of emotions. From passion to shame to anger, she was always roiling with feelings. For as many as she announced, how many more did she write about? 

He'd already done a fair amount of snooping. What was a bit more? He opened the book. The first page was dated from two years ago... She would have been in her senior year then. 

A fair amount of the page was taken up by doodles of ice cream cones. Even more of the margin had song lyrics scribbled into it. There was a blurb at the bottom about how Spring Vacation was almost over, and she'd only gotten to go to the pool once. It was nothing particularly interesting. 

The next ten or so entries were of the same caliber, her handwriting cramping along. Sometimes instead of using ellipses she would draw three hearts. Apparently, she had almost missed the graduation list because she skipped too many gym classes. She'd been made to join the track team around the start of May, to make up for it.

There was a girl on track who beat everyone else. She was strong and fast, and no matter what event she got assigned to at meets, she came out on top. For a few pages, Kougyoku mentioned her sporadically. She didn't know the other girl's name. Her hair was dyed bright red. 

It got more interesting after that. Hakuryuu started to feel a little worse about snooping. If his sister didn't mention this to them, what made him think it would be okay to read it?

Her name was Morgiana. As her mentions grew more frequent, so too did the hearts and stars. The song lyrics bordered on cheesy. She passed Kougyoku the baton during relays. They ran together at Saturday practice. They were friends. Kougyoku wanted to be best friends. 

The more he read, the more his stomach twisted. It was wrong to see this without her telling him, but he couldn't stop. Morgiana was soft spoken, but her laughter was bold. She always had the best makeup. 

He nearly made himself put the journal away when he got to the part where his sister kissed her on the bleachers after a meet. 

Morgiana didn't come to graduation. His sister had a best friend, almost... maybe a girlfriend, but no more than that, because two weeks before their last day of school, the girl his sister liked was stung by a bee and no one could reach an epi-pen in time. 

He was only about thirty pages through the book. He closed it, gingerly setting it back in his bag. That had happened two years ago. What was he doing then? Didn't he notice? 

If Morgiana was dead, she was a ghost. So far, he had seen no ghosts but his siblings. Ghosts seemed to be attached to a person; his siblings could not go very far at all from him without their bodies fading and bending like they were caught in a strong breeze. 

He sat, quietly, wondering.

Two things happened at once; Judal burst out of the bathroom in only a towel, his hair spilling out freely, and the oven timer went off. "I'm right on time." Judal grinned. He looked different without makeup, somehow more tired, and his hair was shining in the soft light. "I'm just getting my clothes, I'll be back for dessert."

Hakuryuu got up to take out the pie. By the time he closed the oven door, Judal was yowling like a wet cat. "I put it right fucking there, Hakuryuu! How could I lose it so fast?"

His tape. Hakuryuu turned his head a fraction. "I can't let you do that to yourself anymore. You can borrow one of my sports bras. We'll get something else soon, for the both of us."

Judal bristled, his eyes flashing with alarm. "What the fuck! Where-" He tore away, digging quickly through the kitchen garbage, unearthing eggshells and peach pits. "It's not in there, where is it!?"

Hakuryuu winced, backing away slowly. "S-sorry. I can't tell you. I won't tell you."

Still wearing only his towel, Judal upturned the cottage. He knocked pillows off the bed, pulled open every drawer. Hakuryuu could feel his heart lowering into his gut. "You can stop that, it's not here anymore." He said finally. "And no matter what you do, I'm not telling you where it is." 

Breathing hard, Judal stood up from where he was looking under the bed. "I don't even see why you gave a damn, you can't just... You..." He struggled to find words strong enough, his fingers knotting in his towel. He looked miserable. A little powerless. Hakuryuu found himself wounded by his expression; it was like seeing a deposed monarch. 

"Because if I had half as much sense, I'd be using tape too! I'm not going to sit here and lie, it works way better than anything I've tried, but it's between comfort and real danger. I don't blame you, at all." His voice cracked, loudly and embarrassingly, but there was no victory in Judal's expression. Hakuryuu cleared his throat. "I'm not trying to be condescending. I am sorry okay? I'm sorry for taking it. But you know I couldn't live with myself if I didn't."

There was a terrible moment of quiet where Judal looked, just maybe, like he was about to cry. 

Within seconds, his face had returned to its usual smug amusement. "If you insist, Ryuu. Get me one of those sports bras, if you really feel like it." It was a deafening blow of relief, swift and potent. Hakuryuu's shoulders slumped a little, the tension taken out of him. Judal was back to normal, even if for a moment he'd had the scab of vitriol peeled away. Or was he quite normal? There was something more unguarded about him now. 

"Sure. Okay."Hakuryuu replied softly, dipping into his backpack and handing him a grey sports bra. Judal turned it over, tightening the straps. He paused, lifting the tag. "What the hell? Ryuu, no wonder these aren't doing the job! Is this your actual for-real size?"

He probably didn't mean it in a bad way, but it embarrassed Hakuryuu to the core. "Uh yeah. I know I should get a binder, it was just hard because my mom..."

"You don't have to explain, I get it. A binder isn't something you just pick up at the store, and ordering one online would raise questions when it showed up."

Judal was nonchalant, but that about summed it up. "Yeah." Hakuryuu sighed. "Pretty much."

"Promise we'll get something better?" Judal's voice was strained, a note of anxiety slipping back in.

"We will, okay?" Hakuryuu tried a little smile. "Now go get dressed. I'll serve the pie."

Still feeling a little shaken, he served out two pieces onto paper plates, setting them at the table before peeking back outside. Kouha, along with the other four, lingered by the bushes. Kouha looked sullen, but no worse than before. "I'm sorry Hakuryuu." He said, after a long silence. "For lying about Koumei. And being a bitch."

"You weren't that bad." Hakuryuu felt a knot or two come undone within him. "Come on, let's go inside. You're forgiven."

As Kougyoku walked past, Hakuryuu grabbed her hand. The contact held. She gasped, her eyes meeting his. "Hakuryuu, you're touching me!"

He breezed past her exclamation. "Gyoku, I'm sorry. There are probably some times I should've been there for you when you were alive, and I can't fix that, but I can be here now. I can listen to you."

She stared, her eyes widening. "Hakuryuu... you're my brother, I didn't expect you to, I mean." She let out a soft sigh. "What I'm trying to say is thank you."

He hugged her, one armed and off balance. She wrapped her arms around him, her body swirling like a thick mist. "I miss this." She said quietly. "I miss the most simple things."

***

Judal did not sleep again. Hakuryuu pretended to. He cracked open one eye, looking to where Judal sat at the table, still picking at a piece of pie. The light of a small tube tv washed blue over him.

The hours grew late and the night grew long, but Judal's eyes, if they did close, fell shut long after Hakuryuu's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like they're just rubbing off on each other now; it's Hakuryuu in this chapter who makes several shit decisions and Judal who actually decides, you know what, what I'm doing isn't healthy. 
> 
> As an aside, ghost rules are weird, and they aren't strict. They can probably be bent...
> 
> Anyhow, stay tuned for more angst!!


	10. Chapter 10

When Hakuryuu woke, Judal was impossibly wide awake. In fact, he was watching MTV and thwacking a sticky hand against the wall, leaving tiny green prints. Hakuryuu sat up, knowing his hair was in a deplorable state. "You don't sleep."

Judal looked up. His makeup was done in careful strokes of orchid, and his hair was braided again. "So? What's it to you? You cry in yours."

Had he? He touched his face, feeling dried tear tracks. He couldn't remember his dreams, but maybe he didn't want to. He still flushed, embarrassed. "I can't help it."

"You did though." Kouen said abruptly, startling Hakuryuu. When had he gotten there?

Judal looked up, blinking. "Something wrong?" He was wearing a different outfit today, Hakuryuu noticed; high-waisted shorts and a vaguely loose tank top.

"No, nothing." Hakuryuu muttered. Ignoring Kouen, he pushed off the covers. "I'm not sure what to do today."

"Then we can drive around til we find something. You look like you need a cup of coffee. Maybe two." Judal snorted. "Maybe three."

Unsure whether to be offended by that, Hakuryuu grabbed a new outfit from his backpack, shuffling off to the bathroom. He pulled at his face in the mirror. Did he really look that tired? Maybe his eyes were a little sunken, but not by much. He rigorously combed his hair, although several pieces in the back vigilantly poked up. The scar, however, remained; maybe it was the markings that made him look tired.

He scrubbed at his face, only making it redder. Slowly, he traced the edge of the scar tissue to the bridge of his nose, then across to his jaw. No, he definitely had bags lurking under his eyes. It was more apparent up close.

He changed into his new outfit, a black tee shirt with a pocket and dark jeans, knowing he would look all the more gloomy. In the other room, Judal made a noise of dismay. "Hakuryuu, the TV's broken!" He called. Smoothing his hair a final time, Hakuryuu returned to the small living room to find Kouha sticking his hands through the set.

"Look Hakuryuu, it's changing!" He crowed, wiggling his fingers against the screen. With every motion, a new bubble of static swelled. Judal stabbed his fingers at the remote, but no matter how many channels he flipped through, the static remained.

"Don't worry." Hakuryuu said forcefully, looking Kouha in the eyes. "It'll stop. Any second now."

"How do you know that? Aw whatever, I guess we're leaving soon." Fed up, Judal turned it off.

Without thinking twice, Hakuryuu picked up a few of Judal's bags to tote to the car. It was a clear, bright morning, and not quite hot yet. He fumbled for the keys, balancing the luggage awkwardly in the crook of his elbow. Hakuei smiled, brightly. "You're carrying his bags?"

"Don't get anything from this, it's just saving time." He mumbled.

"Hm. Okay." She held back her smile, which somehow made it more condescending.

"Why are you still trying so hard to look after me, anyway?" He hefted his armload into the trunk, cursing himself for feeling sweaty already.

"Haven't I always? You're my brother, and I love you. I'm still here, so why not do my best?"

Their faces used to look so similar, but now the only think they shared was a mole. Growing up was making Hakuryuu's face thinner, and, as he sourly noted, his eyebrow just above the scar had never grown back correctly. Hakuei's face was still soft and genuine, even in death. He could faintly make out her own scar, though, a faint line at her jaw, gotten through an accident with a mirror as a child.

He looked up at her, feeling grateful that she was at least there. That she existed, even glowing and floating and incorporeal. "Thanks Hakuei. Thank you."

She tried to ruffle his hair, passing her hand over his head. "Now you'll probably want to stop talking to me, in case Judal picks right now to come outside."

Uncanny in his timing, Judal trounced down the steps, a wheeled suitcase bumping its way jauntily to the ground. "Ready to go? I wanna get breakfast!" He heaped the last of it into the trunk.

"Breakfast where? There's only room in my budget for fast food. Just you know." Hakuryuu climbed into the front seat, and, waiting for Judal first, began the careful alternation between wheel and stick, occasionally using his stump to hold the wheel steady and poke at the turn signal.

Judal eased back in his seat, levering his feet up to the dashboard in his usual slump. "Now we're comfortable." He grinned.

Hakuryuu cast a quick glance into the back, to make sure no one was missing. "Can you at least brush off your flip flops? So you don't get dirt all over the place?"

"They're not dirty! Just a little worn."

Hakuryuu decided not to answer, turning with precision into the driveway of the main house. He'd just run in and hand the keys back. "Just wait for a minute, I'm checking out." He jingled the key ring in Judal's general direction before hopping out and walking again through the rows of garden statues. A quartet of hummingbirds zipped through the boughs of the beech tree. They moved almost too fast to see, but Hakuryuu caught them with his good eye.

He had this feeling it was going to be a long day, but with yellow sun painting his back, Hakuryuu opened the door, stepping into the hush of wooden boards and needlepoint.

Sitting at his desk, Yunan smiled, ever so slightly. He was still wearing his gardening hat. Lifting one hand, he beckoned Hakuryuu. "I've been expecting you! Here. You'll need these." The moment the keys passed between them, he pressed a sheaf of cards into his hand; The Magician, Death, The Fool and The Hanged Man.

They felt strangely warm in his palm. Hakuryuu backed away, two steps. "I'm... grateful. That's the word." He nodded, sticking them into the pocket of his jeans. "Thank you."

"You are so polite. When it suits you." Yunan leaned back in his chair. "Go do something good for yourself."

Hakuryuu was at a loss for why, but as he returned to the glorious daylight, his steps felt lighter. He would do something good. Like a real vacation.

Judal was asleep once more in the passenger's seat, his mouth wide open. Kouen wore a dubious expression. "That's unhygienic. Something is going to fall in there."

"I think he might need his rest. I've seen him asleep like three times, for naps that lasted an hour at most. Plus he's easier on the eyes when he's asleep." Hakuryuu took off the parking brake, backing up directly into the right lane. Everything all around was doused in light, the darkest leaves turned the pale green of peridot.

He sort of wished Judal was awake to see this. The valley formed a tunnel, branches leaping and stretching above the road. Hakuryuu passed under a stone bridge, and he was drenched in cool shade, only to be re-exposed to the sun moments later.

"Put on some music Hakuryuu! Not loud though." Kougyoku sighed, looking out the window. "This drive deserves a good ambiance!"

Hakuryuu found himself reaching quickly for Judal's CD bag, catching the lip with one finger and dropping it into his lap.

Koumei lifted his bangs away from the side of his face, normally sleepy eyes going wide. "Oh no."

Hakuryuu gently picked up the CD his brother had spotted, sticking his picky finger through the hole. "Sorry guys. You were the ones insisting I'm not past it."

"Hakuryuu, come on, something nice!" Kougyoku pawed at 'Welcome to the Black Parade,' "Something that fits the weather!"

After ten terrible seconds of indecision, Hakuryuu instead chose Cyndi Lauper's 'True Colors' album. Even Kouen appeared relieved. "Better." He approved, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

As the morning grew steadily hotter, the black steering wheel and dashboard absorbed warmth like a sponge. And though usually he was a careful driver, Hakuryuu sometimes pressed the gas a little more than he needed to when rounding a bend or cresting a foothill.

Suddenly, there were lights at intersections again, and more than just one companion on the road every few minutes. He was skirting a town, and realizing this he quickly turned off the main road and onto a boulevard lined by simple houses and the occasional strip mall. McDonalds seemed about right for a breakfast.

He ordered two McGriddle meals (since it was cheaper that way). In the middle of his order, Judal snored loudly, and inexplicably a Happy Meal was also added to his tab.

Hakuryuu placed the toy, a stuffed magenta bear, on Judal's shoulder, and the McGriddle in his lap, parking near the trees at the edge of the small lot. "Hey, wake up, it's time for breakfast." He said, at normal volume, but directly into Judal's ear.

Judal yipped, the bear coming unseated. "You did not have to do that." He grumbled, bitterly unwrapping his sandwich.

Hakuryuu laughed. "I think I did. That bear's for you by the way. It came with your Happy Meal."

He appraised the bear, adding it to where the octopus and hyena sat on one corner of the dashboard, which only made Hakuryuu's satisfaction double.

When he'd finished, Judal licked his fingers clean. "Did you take my CD's?"

Hakuryuu made a face, moving his hand to eject the disk, but Judal waved his fingers dismissively. "No, no, I really don't care, I just didn't peg you as the type to listen to 80's music."

"What did you 'peg me' as the type for?"

"Hm... early 2000's pop punk."

"That's... pretty specific."

"But am I wrong?"

"You're not really wrong." Hakuryuu chuckled, balling up his wrapper and sticking it in the bag. "I'm just gonna keep driving, there's probably some roadside attractions near here."

"Ooo, like what?" Judal grabbed for the brochures lying on the console, shuffling through them like a deck of cards. "We should go in a cave. They have cave tours. Oh, or skydiving! Or a hot air balloon!"

"Excuse me if I'm not crazy about going up in the air." Hakuryuu snorted.

"You two should go for a hike!" Hakuei sighed. "It's a really lovely day. You're both young, you need to stretch your legs! Look at some birds!"

His sister made it sound tiring, but when Hakuryuu thought about it, a walk wasn't a bad idea. "I think we should go for a hike. Just a little one. Just keep your eyes peeled, sometimes there are billboards that tell you where to turn for a trail."

Judal pressed his nose up to the window, leaving a horrible smudge. "Aye aye captain." He snickered.

Some things Hakuryuu just had to learn how to let go.

***

Some twenty minutes later, after driving up a terrifyingly steep incline and parking the SUV on the most shady parcel of weathered asphalt he could, Hakuryuu took his first few steps onto the wooden boardwalk. "Look Judal, it's not even like we have to step on the ground. Somebody probably comes around and sweeps this."

Judal shuffled out onto it, eyeing the bright trees sloping on either side of the path. "It better not be that long of a walk, sweating will ruin my makeup."

"Just try to enjoy it! I really like nature, actually." Hakuryuu found that yes, he did like nature. He'd just forgotten about it a little.

His siblings, too, seemed to be enjoying themselves. Kouha trotted along one railing like a balance beam, his arms spread out theatrically wide for balance he didn't really need. Koumei quietly watched the trees, while Kouen paused under every beam of light that shot through the canopy. Hakuei stuck beside Hakuryuu, and Kougyoku repeatedly peered down at the wide, shallow river cutting across the forest floor.

Judal was the only one who remained disgruntled. He complained for a few more minutes about his makeup, then switched to the bugs, swatting at every fly he reasonably could.

Hakuryuu paused, one hand on the railing. "Can you at least pretend your enjoying this? Even if you're not the outside type?"

Judal sighed heavily. "Sure. I can pretend, I guess." Straightening up, he fanned his face. "Am I sweating now?"

"No." Hakuryuu shook his head. "You still look great."

Judal's mouth opened a little before abruptly closing again. "Wait, you think I look great?"

"It just came out that way! I mean, yes, you look great..." It was true; Judal did look amazing. Hakuryuu turned away, hoping his face didn't look as warm as it felt. That wasn't something you just said to a guy, was it?

That seemed to put a spring in his step. "Hey, Ryuu, I bet I can beat you to the end! I saw on the sign there's a pretty sweet waterfall at the end of the trail."

"You? Beat me in a race?" Hakuryuu thought. "You probably can. I'm really off-balance still."

"Aw, pretty please? You won't know until you try! Besides, what better way to appreciate nature than sprinting through it?"

Hakuei gave him a ghostly nudge. "Do it! You gotta get in shape. Your body needs to recover properly sometime."

"Okay, fine, it's on," Hakuryuu agreed. "Should we pick a starting line?"

Judal continued up the path, halting where the boardwalk formed a harsh right angle. "From here!"

"Be careful!" Kougyoku waved a hand. "Don't trip! You might end up like us! I think there might be steps ahead."

Hakuryuu peered through the trees. Would they have to climb to get to the waterfall? "Alright." He positioned himself next to Judal at the railing. "So we just start? On three?"

"Nah, on go. I always fuck up when I have to start on three."

Bracing himself against the rail, Hakuryuu prepared himself to sprint. He'd already beat Judal in one contest. He could probably outrun him, if he really gave it his all.

"Okay then. One, two... three..."

"Go!" Judal pushed off the railing.

He was a lot faster than Hakuryuu thought he would be. They'd been running last night, but it was too dark to accurately judge, and now, no matter how hard he pushed himself, Judal stubbornly remained in the lead.

His laughter -damn him for being able to run so quickly and laugh at the same time!- echoed back and hit Hakuryuu in the face. How was he so stupidly athletic? It could just be that his legs were longer.

They turned a corner, and suddenly, there was the waterfall. The water cascaded over the cliff face before hitting the scarred rocks beneath, flowing like molten glass over the worn boulders. Hakuryuu tried not to let himself get distracted. The stairs vaulted up the side of the fissure, making a wide arc to the top of the falls, and despite his best efforts, Judal was already at the first landing.

Hakuryuu was sweating, and his breath was ragged, but something in him kept his legs moving. If he gave up, it would be worse than just losing to Judal. Trying to keep his movements precise, he jogged up the steps. Two more landings to go, and Judal-

Judal was slowing down, and at the last second, Hakuryuu passed him. Panting, trying to wipe some of the sweat off his face, Hakuryuu glared at Judal. "You let me win! What was the point of that?"

"I did not let you win!" Judal protested, sitting heavily on the edge of the platform. He looked, Hakuryuu noted, angrily, exactly the same as when they'd begun. "I didn't. I swear. Can't a guy just get tired?"

Hakuryuu glared again, before plopping down next to him. "Oh well. At least the view is nice."

They both looked. Over the cliff face, at the tops of trees they'd passed under just moments ago. The sound of water crashing and gurgling rose thickly above the normal cicada-hum and the calls of birds.

"You're right. It is nice." Judal smiled, and in Hakuryuu's chest his heart beat just a little harder.

"I bet it's easier to move without all that tape." He said, trying to be nonchalant.

"It is, I'll give you that." The smile faded a little. "Does it look different?"

"Hm... not really. Maybe a tiny bit, but I still can't tell. You pass really well."

"What, are you jealous?"

"Obviously! Nothing I do seems to help. That's why I got so upset, the other day..."

Now looking a little pained, Judal stood up. "Hey, we should commemorate this! Let's take a selfie!"

"A selfie?" Hakuryuu balked. "I look... I don't know, gross. I never take pictures of myself."

"Then I'll take it! It'll be really cool, with the waterfall in the background and everything!" He held his hands out eagerly for Hakuryuu's phone.

He broke, passing it over. "Fine, okay, one selfie."

He tried to position himself next to Judal in a way that wouldn't accentuate his scar. Just in time, his siblings floated up the stairs.

"Oh, say cheese Hakuryuu!" Kouha grinned, giving them both bunny ears as Judal took the shot.

Hakuryuu snatched it back before Judal could make another single move. "I probably look so ugly in this." He muttered, pulling it back up.

He didn't look half bad, but the bunny ears did. Somehow or other, his siblings showed up clear as day in the background. "Aw, fuck."

Judal cackled. "Let me see, let me see!"

Hakuryuu quickly put the phone away. "Nope. Never."

"You can't look that awful in it! At least let me look at my face!"

Hakuryuu shook his head. "Absolutely not."

Judal groaned. "You're so fucking mean. Okay, one last thing before we go!" From seemingly nowhere, he pulled out a multi-tool, using the tiny knife to scrape his name into the wooden railing.

Kouen shook his head. "That's illegal. Hakuryuu, tell him that's illegal."

Hakuryuu watched for a moment or two more before asking to borrow the knife, adding his own name along the rail beside Judal's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the short chapters lately aah :,)  
> For the next few weeks y'all can expect mostly fluff and friendship building! With maybe some heavier emotional drama later on! I just wanted these two to have some fun and BOND :)


	11. Chapter 11

Hakuei Ren was once the little girl who had lost everything. She lost two brothers, to another country's war. She lost a father in rapid succession, and in almost no time at all, lost a mother to unadulterated apathy.

Her childhood was a long patchwork of quiet nights on the farm with her youngest brother, of awkward meshing with a new family, of loneliness, and above all, a heavy sense of loss.

It wasn't like she was completely alone; she made friends with astonishing ease. Especially at college, which she'd been on break from when the visit to the step-father was supposed to take place. There was just always a feeling of separation that lingered over it all. Their mother's closed door and her little brother waking from dream after dream of the woman's death in tears.

Now that Hakuei was dead, Hakuryuu would have to carry that weight. Hakuei wished she could peel it off him like a burial shroud from a fallen soldier. All she could do was protect him, or try to. She longed to soften the blow that loneliness would strike against him; loneliness and loss together were a fracture that could never heal correctly.

Hakuryuu would be forced to struggle. There was nothing she could do about that. But she still found herself with a secret smile as she watched Hakuryuu and Judal carve their names permanently into the wood. She'd done that, she knew. She had brought Hakuryuu a friend, and no matter how he had seemed at first, he was making Hakuryuu happy.

Hakuei wondered if he noticed his own laughter. She hadn't heard that sound in months.

***

Towns flew by, and fields sprawled in the distance, and the blue sky yawned as if to drag Hakuryuu up into it. It was noon in the Pennsylvania country, and the air lost the mugginess it clung to in the days before. Judal insisted on leaving his window open, to let in the fresh air, which tore Hakuryuu's hair into something of a mess.

He knew they were 'that' car, the one with music playing so loud someone up the street could hear it plainly, but he felt okay, and that was enough to leave it on and blasting.

Judal talked nonstop. He talked about things he'd seen on the road, surreal things he'd drawn to himself. His collection of odd memories lasted years, from the time he'd left his mother's, to the present. The time he'd spotted a deer-headed man on the train stuck out to Hakuryuu as the most bizarre, but when Judal grew animated, his eyes and hands jumping about, it was hard not to believe him.

He would probably make a great actor, Hakuryuu thought. Judal laced his words with so much emotion, which was pretty easy to hear behind the occasional coat of sarcasm. On a stage or a screen, he would surely stand out.

The conversation paused, abruptly, Judal scrambling to turn down the radio. "Hakuryuu, I gotta piss."

He was so distracted his hand nearly slipped on the wheel. "You shouldn't say it like that!"

"What would you rather I say, huh? I have to urinate. Pee. Release."

"Be patient, okay? I'll find a rest stop or a store or something and we can run in." Why did Judal have to be so... well, so much like himself?

Judal groaned, painfully loud. "Hurry up okay? If you don't I'll have to use the cup holder." He made a big show of crossing his legs.

He had no choice but to press the speed limit a little harder; it was clear at this point that Judal would make good on his claim. He tried not to start picturing what Judal was threatening, but his mind tried to run away with it anyhow.

Turning into a rest stop, he hammered on the break, pointing across the parking lot towards the building. "Okay, go."

Judal flung off his seatbelt, taking off at a run towards the building. On closer inspection, it looked more like a gift shop or tourist trap. There was a sign for ice cream in one window. Was it a rest stop too? Or both? He decided to stop thinking about it and instead ate two of his rice crispy treats.

In no time at all, Judal was running back out. Kouha laughed. "Maybe he needs you to told his hand so he can find the bathroom."

Silencing Hakuryuu, Judal slapped on the window. Reluctantly, he rolled it down. "Yeah? What's up?"

"You have to come see this, it's crazy in there! Only part of it is a rest stop, but the other part has ice cream and- You have to see!"

"It's probably just some kind of tourist attraction. We're getting closer to Amish Country." Still, Judal was so excited that he left the car anyhow, motioning with a nod of his head for the crew in the backseat to follow.

"You have your money, right? So we can buy stuff?"

"I'm not a money tree, I won't have it forever. What I have is probably enough to get us where we're going, plus a few detours." Hakuryuu paused as Judal scampered ahead to hold the door open for him.

"That's polite. For him." Koumei breezed ahead of Hakuryuu, slipping through the door. Was it? Hakuryuu tried to recall another time when Judal had been so polite. He paused again, giving him a quick look.

"Uh, yes?" Judal tried a smile, leaning against the door a little.

"Thanks. For the door." He smiled back, ducking into the room.

His eyes struggled briefly to register the scene. It was blue, and dark, like the bottom of a trench. Light glowed in warped white behind rows upon rows of glass and water, like the close-packed walls of a skyscraper, and just beyond the glass, caught in their cubicles, swam hundreds of fish.

"It's a pet store!" Judal gesticulated wildly around the next corner. "That room has lizards!"

Kougyoku was instantly enamored, spinning in a slow circle as she backed into the far corner. "It's like being underwater!"

Hakuryuu touched the glass of a nearby tank, the yellow tetras startling. "This is really cool, but if you were thinking of getting a pet, I'm not sure how we would take care of it. We don't exactly have a portable aquarium."

Judal made a long noise of frustration. "Just think about it, will you?"

A pet could be nice, if he didn't have five ghosts and Judal filling up the car, along with a growing number of possessions. If anything, not a fish, because a tank full of water in a moving vehicle was a recipe for disaster.

"I have something to show you!" Koumei floated around the corner, his normally hooded eyes wide. "I know it's not the smartest choice to get a pet, but I think this one can see me!"

He was shining in such a way that Hakuryuu couldn't resist his request, following him back through the store to another row of cages. Koumei halted before a parakeet cage, waving his hand back and forth in front of the bars. The little bird cheeped, hopping on its perch and ruffling its feathers.

"You think it can see you?" Hakuryuu muttered.

"Why not?" Koumei's mouth curved in a smile. "It's cute. But if we can't get it I'll understand."

The parakeet whistled and capered, cocking its head, and in under a minute, Hakuryuu broke. "This trip isn't just for me. We're getting the bird."

"Ah, it's alright, I completely... Hold on, you're getting it?" Koumei blinked, shocked. "Thank you, Hakuryuu!"

Judal was less surprised and more obnoxiously triumphant. After Hakuryuu purchased the parakeet (Koumei named him Dandelion) Judal insisted on holding his cage while Hakuryuu gathered the necessities. "I've never had a pet before," he chattered, being entirely unhelpful while Hakuryuu looked for the correct bird seed, "I'm gonna take the best care of him, and he's going to love me, and he'll perch on my shoulder and we'll communicate with our minds. By the way, there's also an antique shop here and a petting zoo in the back, can we go look at that next?"

Judal was acting somewhere childish, but Hakuryuu couldn't blame him, because he'd never really had a childhood. "Sure we can. Did you ever even get to the bathroom?"

He ended up holding both the cage and the bag of supplies for a brief few minutes while Judal made a break for the toilets.

Two strawberry smoothies and one nearly-broken antique lampshade later, Hakuryuu managed to herd Judal out of the building. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'like a bull in a china shop'?" He muttered, passing one final cluttered table and forcing Judal back into the light of day.

"It was totally an accident!"

"Judal, you put it on your head!"

"I thought it was a hat! It looked like a bonnet!"

Hakuryuu cracked, finally bursting out in laughter. "Yeah, and until it almost fell off, you were really fashionable."

Kouha grouched along beside them, his mood worsened. "Why does Koumei get a bird and I don't? Am I not special enough? We got to take his car too!"

It was easy enough to ignore his comments and focus on Judal, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Somebody once told me I could be a model! I could debut in that lampshade!"

Hakuryuu couldn't help giggling. "You'd be the darling of the catwalk."

"Duh, and... Hakuryuu, peacocks!" Judal leapt over a low bench and into the petting zoo, not wanting to waste time. Sure enough, strutting about in an enclosure were four or so peacocks, one fanning its tail feathers out gracefully.

Setting down the birdcage and supplies on the bench, Hakuryuu took the long way around, joining Judal by the pen. "Pretty." He smiled slightly. "I've seen peacocks before. Once we went to the Central Park Zoo."

"Aren't you special?" Judal smirked.

"I didn't mean it in a snobby way, I'm just saying!"

"That's okay Ryuu, I'll just remember that." He said, and his eyes briefly took on a mischievous shine.

They pet and fed the goats too, one of which became very enamored with Hakuryuu's leg, much to the delight of Kouha and Judal (who were a lot similar than Hakuryuu first gleaned them to be). Judal, in fact, named the goats; Chunky, Billy the Kid, Dr Phil, Rudolph, Grumpy, and last but not least, Horny.

The cage was secured in the backseat of the car, where Koumei could keep an eye on his new friend, and as they drove on, the atmosphere was something new and fragile and comfortable.

"Ryuu?" Judal asked as they began to pass horse-drawn carriages and valleys full of sunflowers.

"Yeah?" Hakuryuu answered, tentatively, as if the question would hurt him. And then, "go on."

"Are we friends?" He said the last word like he had never said it before in his life, and he was only testing how to pronounce it.

The car held its breath, and the road, hooking steeply around a knoll, inhaled sharply. They passed a little ghost town, a clump of houses with faded siding and boarded windows and a washed out sign. For Sale.

Hakuryuu looked into the dark window that was Judal. He turned off the lights that cast a glare over the pane, and what he saw was more delicate and honest and likable than Hakuryuu could have expected when he first thought the whole metaphor up.

"I think we're friends. Are we friends?"

"Well duh." Judal flashed his teeth. "I think you might get me."

Oddly enough, Hakuryuu agreed.

Past the next turn, a bank of storm clouds in the distance spread a thick shadow over homes and roadsides and the smokestack of a factory. If Hakuryuu squinted he could see a blur in the air, as if the clouds were only a sprinkler watering the land.

"Ryuu, go there!" Judal gasped, leaning forwards in his seat.

"Why, because of the rain?" Hakuryuu twisted the steering wheel.

"No, because of the sign!" He erupted in a torrent of laughter.

Even Hakuryuu couldn't resist laughing at a town named Intercourse. "Intercourse, Pennsylvania? Were they out of other names? W-were all the good ones copyright?"

"Maybe it's a joke?" Judal tried. "Whatever, let's go to Intercourse."

"Judal, you know what I love?"

"What?"

"Getting an Intercourse sandwich. At the Intercourse Diner."

Judal crowed with laughter, wiping tears out the corners of his eyes. "Holy shit this is gonna be fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the shortness, I'll try to get a longer, heavier chapter out next week!!
> 
> And yes, if you wondered, Dandelion is supposed to sound like Dantalion! 
> 
> Intercourse is a totally real town by the way, which I personally have been to, so there's that too.


	12. Chapter 12

The rain had kept on, washing the afternoon in tones of grey, the sky swelled like a bad bruise, and yet Hakuryuu's mood held. It was a relief, to be able to walk through the Amish markets with someone at his side. As thunder and lightning crackled overhead, the lights flickering, he had a sense that while he stood beside Judal, the storm could not touch him.

Had he really been thinking that? He was stunned back into the present, his hand on the gear shift. It was twilight now in the mountains, the dark humped shapes of them lurking like beasts, grey mist (or was it low cloud cover?) floating in tendrils between them like a wraith's fingers.

Judal was sleeping again, this time curled up in a tiny ball on the seat.

Hakuei waved a hand in the mirror. "Hakuryuu, are you paying attention? This really isn't good weather to drive in."

He shook himself off, focusing on the winding road before him. "Yeah. I'm paying attention."

Kougyoku made a soft noise, twisting to get a better look at Judal. "Did you know since last night I've been able to touch more things?" She asked, her eyes bright.

"Really? Do you think talking to me might have done something?"

"I'm not finished. When we were about to leave the inn, I noticed this on the ground." She passed Hakuryuu a folded diner placemat, putting it on his leg. "You went to the trouble of keeping it, I didn't want you to lose it."

Hakuryuu bit the inside of his cheek. "It doesn't mean anything. I just liked the way he drew me."

"Well, duh. I mean... I trust you. I think if you had a crush on someone you would tell me, right?"

Maybe talking to her had changed something, because she seemed a bit more real than before. On the other hand, it made him feel worse about reading her diary; he'd already betrayed that trust. "Uh. Yeah."

"See?" She sat back, satisfied.

Kouha rolled his eyes, muttering something to himself.

"What's that you said?" Hakuryuu didn't want to press, but now, in the impending dusk, Kouha looked more like he had last night; a shadow of himself.

Kouen shook his head, making eye contact with Hakuryuu in the mirror. He'd be better off dropping it.

Beside him, Judal shifted, sighing in his sleep, eyelids fluttering. "I wanna head to a hotel, I think it's time to settle down." Hakuryuu murmured. Judal needed his rest, clearly.

Luckily, there was a Holiday Inn close by. The complex was mostly outdoors, built into a nook in the mountainside. Judal squirmed again as Hakuryuu slowed near the lobby doors. With a sharp gasp, he tumbled into wakefulness, his eyes darting wildly about the car before landing on Hakuryuu. "Oh. You're here. What is this?"

Just moving past it would be best; he didn't want Judal to go back on the defensive. "It's a hotel. Can you grab Dandelion? I'll carry the rest of the bags in."

Judal wrinkled his nose. "Ryuu, come on, I'll carry the heavy shit. So, your bag, my duffel and backpack, right?" He scrutinized the pile of bags at his feet. "Wait. Which one is yours?"

Did he forget? "It's the blue Jansport. If you want I'll write my name on it, so you won't forget." He offered.

"Nah, don't worry, I got it this time, I swear." Judal scooped up the bags, slithering out into the rain. "You coming?"

Spreading his last clean hoodie over the bird cage, Hakuryuu followed. He would have to do some laundry while he was here. It was just occurring to him that he should have packed more than one bag. Judal seemed shaken, standing off to one side while Hakuryuu secured their room. His eyes darted up to the gilt chandelier, then back down to the maroon carpeting and back again. It was a little worrying.

The hotel's architecture was comprised of a square outer structure and two levels of inner courtyard. From the parking lot, they walked up an echoing and shadowy stairwell, which Judal whistled loudly in. The air was heavy and thick with moisture, which made the orange lights above each door seem all the more ephemeral.

Judal hefted the backpacks up on his shoulder, pointing to a structure in the center, made with sheets of opaque plastic. "What's that? Probably a pool."

"I told you I don't want to swim." Hakuryuu walked briskly under the awning, finding their room and setting down the cage to reach for the key card. "I'm gonna do some laundry, you can come if you want."

"Oh man, usually I have to wash my clothes in a sink! Of course I'm coming!" Judal dashed into the room like there was a present waiting inside. Hakuryuu had to hold back laughter as Judal flung on the lights and tried to bounce from one mattress to the other.

"How old are you?" He finally got out. "Six?" The beds faced a dresser with a small flat-screen perched on it, and a nook in the back housed a bathroom door.

"Hey, it's fun!" Judal bounced down heavily, sending some of the pillows onto the carpet. "Now let's do laundry!"

Judal did not know how to use a washing machine. He laid across the tops of them, listening to his Walkman as Hakuryuu separated lights and darks and delicates. Kouen scowled. "He's a grown man. You think he would know how to read clothing labels."

"I don't think he can read." Hakuryuu tried to keep his lips still, on the off chance Judal would look up. "Well, no, I think he can, just not easily. He's not an idiot, I know that, but it's hard for him."

Kouen firmly crossed his arms. "Hakuryuu, I know I'm sounding like a hypocrite, but you need to make smart decisions. I am happy that you have a friend, but he's a terrible influence."

"How am I any different than him?" Hakuryuu bit back. "You keep saying that I'm an adult and I'm free to make choices how I see fit, but you're still trying to tell me what to do. You keep doing it. Don't you trust me?"

Kouen was silent.

"I know you don't. You never did... or respected me. I was just the step-sibling you were forced to tolerate." It weighed on Hakuryuu to keep his face still now. "I did look up to you sometimes."

On some occasions, Kouen would become unable to speak, and this was one of them. His expression wounded, however slightly, he turned and phased back through the laundry room door.

Judal paused, tossing his headphones off. "What the fuck, it's freezing in here! How did you do that?"

The temperature had plunged so far that Hakuryuu could see Judal, who relished in the cold, shiver. "I didn't but let's g-get out of here." His teeth chattered a little, making it hard to speak. "The wash is on, I can come back when it's finished." Whereas before the room had laid in comforting sound and the scent of detergent, now it was almost unbearable, and the frigid air stung Hakuryuu's eyes.

Judal nodded eagerly and slid off the washing machines, his headphones slung around his neck. "Ugh. The air is all prickly. It stings."

It made sense that he would be able to feel Kouen's presence. When they arrived back at the room, Kouen wasn't there. Guilt rose again in Hakuryuu's throat; Kouen often behaved impulsively during those times when he was upset. It would be his problem if Kouen acted rash. He tried not to make eye contact with his other siblings.

Judal plopped into an office chair, using the small desk nestled behind the dresser to push himself in a spiral. "Wanna see how long I can do this without getting dizzy?"

"As fun as that might be, I don't want you to throw up." Hakuryuu forced a smile. He had to stop worrying.

"Fine... hey, room service!" Judal let the chair slow, plucking a menu off the desk. "Damn if I don't feel like a rich person now. Can we get escargot?"

Hakuryuu sat on the edge of the bed, craning to get a look at the menu. "It's a Holiday Inn, I really highly doubt they're serving gourmet food. How about pasta and salad?"

"That's disgusting, you can keep your plants out of my mouth thanks."

"Fine. I'll just get a salad, and you can pick whatever cholesterol bomb you want."

Judal laughed, spinning around again. "God it's fun to argue. I haven't talked this much in years."

"Are you gonna order? Or will I have to?"

Snatching the phone, Judal punched in the number. "What do you want exactly?"

"Chicken salad with strawberry."

"Great. I'm getting deep dish macaroni and a calzone and cake."

"Ew." Hakuryuu laid back on the bed.

Judal was weirdly polite on the phone. Hakuryuu got the feeling he was trying to impress him. But if he wanted to do that, why not order something healthier? Even having partially regained his appetite, Hakuryuu felt his stomach turn at the thought of what Judal was about to consume.

Kouha was suddenly beside him, his face set in shock. "Hakuryuu... I miss my friends."

Hakuryuu stood. "You can go through my bag for the money, I need the bathroom."

Judal gave another whirl in the chair. "Aye aye captain!"

Hakuryuu marched into the small room. It was all white, from the floor tiles to the walls to the pristine tub. Kouha followed, his eyes still glassy. "I miss... everyone." He mumbled, sinking down into the bathtub, lying in it like a coffin.

"Like who?" Hakuryuu asked quietly.

"Jinjin. Reirei. Junjun. Do you think they remember I love them?"

It was a polar opposite from the way he had been behaving earlier, like a piece of himself had been returned. "I think so. They came by the house all the time, remember?"

"But they couldn't see me! How was I supposed to tell them anything?" He wilted in the tub basin, forlorn and fragile.

Hakuryuu swallowed. "I think they know. You..." He had often seen Kouha and his partners, but never lingered long enough to know much about their relationship other than how much Kouha cared about them. "You put your heart into caring for them. I doubt they'd forget that so quickly."

There was a soft and broken sound leaking from Kouha now. "I can't talk to them ever again. I won't get older, we won't get old all together. I miss them so much. I miss my friends. I miss..."

He murmured on and on. Hakuryuu tried to speak, but he was inconsolable. Wasn't this a bit long for a bathroom break? Keeping his voice steady, Hakuryuu put a hand to Kouha's fading shoulder. "I'll talk with you again, okay? If you want to be alone right now that might be best." He finished, lamely.

Kouha whimpered. "Kay."

"You... I'm still your friend, you know. I'm here. I can listen to you, and so can the other four."

"Just go. Please." He said, but his voice was just a bit stronger.

Hakuryuu flushed the toilet for show, washing his hands. He had to keep his lie plausible. Returning to the room, he found Judal feeding the parakeet out of his hand, his lips quirked. "He totally loves me, see?"

It was such a tender scene. Hakuryuu tried to find words and came up empty. He wouldn't have thought Judal capable of a gentleness like that, but there he was, stroking the little bird with one finger, permitting it to take millet from his palm. "He'll be riding on your shoulder in no time, at this rate."

"Right? Now all I need is to understand his thoughts!"

Koumei watched from a safe distance, smiling faintly. "I think he's taking good care of Dandelion. Good enough."

Kouen returned halfway through dinner, his head lowered. "I'm sorry Hakuryuu." He muttered, sitting heavily in the office chair. Meanwhile Judal had vacated for the bed, where he excavated heaps of macaroni into his mouth.

Hakuryuu nodded, giving him a small smile. They could talk again later. "Ju, I'm getting the laundry. Also, when I get back, I hope you'll be done, because I can't watch this anymore."

Nearly spewing out a mouthful of cheese, Judal stared up at him. "Wait, what'd you call me?"

He'd given him a nickname, unconsciously. Why hadn't he realized until Judal called attention to it? "It's nothing! I just thought it was cute?"

Judal didn't erupt in his usual cackles. He made a sour face, looking back at his meal. Perturbed, Hakuryuu quit the room, hurrying to the laundry room. The storm was raging with a renewed strength, and try as he might to stay dry, the wind blew sheets of raindrops underneath the awning.

Was it an odd reaction? Judal had looked almost upset. Or was it confused? Hakuryuu felt a gnawing anxiety take root under his ribs. They were just starting to be friends, and then he'd gone and upset him.

What if things went back to the way they were when he'd first found Judal? What if he decided he hated Hakuryuu after all, and just packed up and left? Hakuryuu tried to push the thoughts back. They wouldn't help him. He'd just have to apologize, that's all. He switched the laundry to the dryer, taking another moment to breathe before going back.

Clearly he'd taken longer than he thought, because Judal was already nestled down in the blankets, wet hair piled on top of his head. The back of his neck, Hakuryuu noted, was very pale, and very smooth, like glassware. "I wore my new shirt!" He snickered, showing off his gift from the market in Intercourse, a size extra large t shirt that read "I ❤️ Intercourse".

Hakuryuu snorted. "Once again, high fashion. Um." He sat down on the comforter beside him. "I'm sorry about giving you a nickname. I didn't really ask, and I know some people take that the wrong way."

"I wasn't mad or anything!" Judal hastily waved his hands, as though he could physically dispel the tension. "I swear I wasn't, I just didn't expect it, you know? I was just trying not to laugh! It was such a Hakuryuu nickname, and it was cute so I didn't want to make you feel bad." By the end of his tirade, Judal's voice grew imperceptibly soft.

Hakuryuu kicked off his shoes, wiggling his toes. "That's not a Judal thing to do. The Judal I know would have laughed." He teased, calming the last writhing tendrils of anxiety.

"Okay then, I solemnly swear to laugh at you when you deserve it." Judal flopped back on his accrued heap of pillows; he'd taken all the pillows from both beds and heaped them in a clumsy pile.

Hakuryuu reached for the remote. "Good. Want to watch something?"

"What I want is to stay awake." Judal answered, his words flat with honesty.

None of his siblings were there to watch; were they in the bathroom with Kouha? "If you want, I'll stay awake with you. As long as I can."

"Then I wanna watch something. Remote?" Judal opened and closed his hand, beckoningly, until Hakuryuu placed the remote in his palm.

"I'm gonna change. Don't look, okay?" He hated getting changed with his siblings in the room, and he didn't want to walk in the bathroom only to about-face upon finding them there.

Judal paused his channel flipping. "I gotcha. I'll be practically blind if that helps!" He slapped a pillow over his face, holding it there. Hakuryuu suppressed a grin, reaching for his last clean clothes; a hoodie he'd gotten in New York City and his only real pair of men's boxers. They had been spectacularly hard to get his hands on, considering he had to hide them from his mother, and there was almost no place she couldn't get into.

"Okay, done. You can get that thing off your face." He watched, finding himself amused as Judal tossed it away. "Don't leave it on this, I can't stand the news. Something shitty is always going on."

Judal shuddered, his finger back to its repetitive tapping. "I watched the news in a rest stop once. It was awful. What was the plot supposed to be?"

Hakuryuu settled on the comforter beside him, snagging a pillow to lean his back on. "You're asking me?" He shook his head, mocking exasperation. "Like I know anything about the world."

"Oh no, of course you don't. Hey, what's this movie?"

"I think that's Blue Hawaii. You can leave it on if you want."

Judal set down the remote, nodding. "I always wanted to see the ocean."

"Do you... wanna see something? Of mine?"

"You're scaring me, but sure?"

Hakuryuu reached backwards into his bag, picking out the beanie baby deer. "When I was little, I had nightmares like, all the time. So one day my mom gave me this and told me if I went to sleep holding it, it would protect me, from bad dreams and stuff. It's embarrassing... It kind of worked though. It just makes me feel like shit too, because how can I hate her if she did things like this for me? How can I reasonably call her a bad person when she was still nice?" He could trust Judal. He could tell him these things.

Judal hissed. "Ryuu, that's fucking heavy. Cute toy though. I like the ears."

It was relieving that he didn't make a big deal of it. "Me too." He tried a smile.

"Can you turn off the light?" Judal asked, turning to lay on his side.

Hakuryuu obliged. It was womb-like in the room then, the tv humming, the air conditioner whirring softly, and the thunder breaking in waves above their heads. "Do you like the dark better?"

"I do. A lot of people think it's scary, but I don't really understand that. The dark is soothing to me. Black is the color of water and chocolate and the night sky. When stuff gets all lit up... I just don't like bright light. It makes me think of... God, why can't I remember?" Judal was tensed, his eyes focused somewhere distant. "I swear, there's something..."

Judal looked lost. Hakuryuu put a hand on his shoulder; he could feel the bones beneath the skin, the joint between clavicle and humerus under his palm. "It's okay. You don't have to remember. If you want, I'll tell you why I don't swim."

Slowly, his pupils regained focus. "Tell me if you want to, Ryuu."

"A few years ago, when I was first coming out to my family, my mom wanted to go to the town pool for some community barbecue. It was a really bad day, for me. I didn't want to show skin, I didn't want anybody to look at me, and suddenly she pulls out this bikini, from fucking Victoria's Secret, and forces it into my hands. She knew, Judal, it wasn't a mistake, she knew I didn't want to be seen like that. Even when I told her, she... flew into this fit, saying things, threatening me, until I put it on."

Judal's hand crept up, covering Hakuryuu's where it lay on his shoulder.

"I couldn't do anything," he continued, softer, "she told me if I cried or acted like anything less than a proper daughter she'd ground me for the rest of the summer. The barbecue lasted until ten at night. I just sat in a beach chair, frozen, the whole time. I won't go back to a pool. Especially not now that I look like this too." He held up his stump, motioning to the outer edges of his scars.

Judal breathed. "I'm sorry."

Somehow, that was all it took for some of the bitterness to leave him.

The night spiraled on, hour after hour, only Judal's voice keeping him awake for parts of it.

***

"Hakuryuu is the name you picked, right?"

"Yeah... it took me a really long time to decide."

"Judal isn't the name I was born with either. Do you wanna hear it?"

"If you want to tell me, I'm listening. I won't speak it."

Judal told him.

"Oh wow. That really doesn't fit. Do you want mine?"

"Eh, I guess we might as well know each other's!"

Hakuryuu told him.

"Aw, really? Cute, but definitely not you."

***

"Where did you get all that stuff from? In your bag?"

"Picked it up here and there. I think I might be turning into a real hoarder, but I like having things that belong to just me. Even if I stole it."

"Is there anything you didn't steal from someone, you kleptomaniac?"

"Hm... my Walkman, actually. That came from my mom's house."

"That explains why it's in such shitty condition. You must've been carting it around for years."

"It's not shitty! Just... well-loved!"

***

"You ran away, Ryuu. Just like me."

"I'm never going back there."

"What if you had to?"

"I wouldn't."

***

"What do you like better? Coffee or tea?"

"I kinda hate them both, they taste bad. I just rely on good old insomnia to keep me awake!"

"I like coffee, but only black."

"That's disgusting. I am revolted."

***

"Are you getting sleepy?"

"N-nope."

"That was a yawn! You just yawned!"

"I'm not that tired!"

"Ryuu, you can sleep if you need to. I'll be fine, I've got this little deer to protect me!"

"I do need to rest. Just a little."

"I promise I won't wake you."

***

4:37 am, the red letters on the bedside clock glowed. Hakuryuu woke for a moment or two. Judal was curled into his arms, snoring softly. His hand had migrated from Judal's shoulder, until it pressed against the small of his back.

Judal felt so delicate. Hakuryuu closed his eyes, feeling how like a small animal Judal's body was built. In the darkness there, Judal's breath rose and fell, and Hakuryuu unconsciously tried to match him.

Leaning just an inch closer, Hakuryuu settled his head in the crook of Judal's shoulder. His skin was as cool as the underside of the pillows. It was right, to lie here like this.

Feeling comfortable for the first time in weeks, Hakuryuu let his mind drift back off into sleep.

***

He fell directly into a dream so vivid it left him reeling. He stood in a meadow, the sun shining obliviously in a cerulean sky. It bleached the grass on either side of a walking trail to a pale off-white. Oddly enough, he could still feel Judal's body curled into him, the buzz of contact finding him even in his subconscious.

He took a few steps, feeling the dry weeds rustle satisfyingly under his feet. A little further along the trail was a stooped oak tree, and in the branches of the tree hung a bee's nest. Even from a distance it was visibly crawling with the insects.

Was this a dream, or was he really somewhere else? Hakuryuu could sense his sleeping body. He could feel Judal's breath, in tandem with his own.

"You're her brother, aren't you? I've been trying to reach you all day."

From behind a copse of birch trees stepped possibly the most beautiful person Hakuryuu had ever laid eyes on. Her voice was soft and sweet, and though she wore only a tank top and running shorts, her body radiated power. Her skin shone in sepia tones all over, and her hair was a glorious shade of crimson.

No, he rebuked himself. Judal was more beautiful.

"You're Morgiana Fanalis, right? I read about you. I mean, I'm sorry, for reading about you."

She crossed her arms, making a face. "No, it's okay. You can see us, Hakuryuu. Ghosts you aren't even bound to. You're so surrounded by death now... I could call out to you so easily the minute you fell back asleep."

"Is this where you died?" Hakuryuu asked, weakly.

She nodded. "Over in those trees, there. Your friend is special, too. There's his energy all over him. I can see it on you. It looks like little moths..."

"That's probably why you could bring me here." He flushed, nervously, petrified of embarrassing himself.

"Hakuryuu, I know she's dead too. I want to see Kougyoku again. And that's why I need you to break what binds me here." Morgiana's eyes glittered with a hidden ferocity. "I've been trying to for weeks, but I'm not strong enough by myself. If you can figure out a way to do it, I'll be free to move where I please, and I can come find you."

Hakuryuu winced. "I'm sorry but I really don't know how."

"You'll figure out a way." She smiled ever so slightly, and it made Hakuryuu feel like there were electric Christmas lights sparking in his ribcage.

"I'll try, okay?" He shuffled his feet. "I want my sister to be happy. In her journal it seemed like she really liked you."

Morgiana winced. "I know. And I liked her too. I still do."

He felt slightly guilty for finding her so pretty. He looked away quickly, looked back, reappraised her. He saw Morgiana Fanalis; strong legs, excellent makeup, and the intensity of a lioness. "I'll do more than try. I'll do my best."

"That's good. I'll let you rest now." She sighed, and the dream melted into blackness.

***

Judal woke at 5, and upon finding Hakuryuu nestled so close to him, he wrapped his arms a little tighter around the boy he was starting to consider his best friend.

He never thought he would have a best friend. He never thought he would be able to talk to somebody, to have someone listen earnestly to what he had to say.

He was beginning to feel happy. Trust was terrifying, but the joy he felt when Hakuryuu shifted ever so slightly, smiling in his sleep, he had never experienced before.

If he could trust another living person, anything was possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAnd back to long chapters!!  
> What happened to Hakuryuu is actually something that happened to me, so writing about it felt kinda good! I hope it was relatable to someone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately this month chapters will be a little bit short, because I'm working on my nanowrimo!! I still hope y'all enjoy :)

"Ryuu! Rise and shine!" A loud sing-song interrupted Hakuryuu's slumber. "Ryuu, you wouldn't fucking wake up, so I had to go get the laundry, and get breakfast before the buffet closed!"

 

What time was it? Hakuryuu grunted, flopping his arm back and forth in a 'leave me alone' sort of way. His body felt so heavy. He wanted to lie there forever.

 

He shouldn't have attempted to belay him, because Judal wasn't taking no for an answer. The other leapt onto the bed, jolting Hakuryuu nearly a foot off the mattress. "The sun is up! I got you coffee! I'm ready to go!"

 

Fighting off the blankets, which had gotten twisted around him in a serpentine coil, Hakuryuu came at Judal with a vengeance. Swinging the pillow beneath his head with a harsh swipe, he knocked Judal back. "And now we're even again." He huffed, dropping the pillow.

 

Judal popped back up with all the vigor of a jack in the box. "Do you really want to pillow fight with me Hakuryuu? That's a hornet's nest I wouldn't step in. If I were you I'd just eat my breakfast." Judal's bun was losing purchase on his head, but otherwise, he seemed none the worse for the blow. Hakuryuu relented, taking his paper plate, which held a bagel and several crispy ribbons of bacon.

 

"This coffee is black. You remembered, huh?" Hakuryuu picked up his styrofoam cup, taking a sip. Still warm.

 

"It's important information!" Judal poked his temple. "I have to make sure shit like that sticks."

 

"So where's your food?"

 

"Oh, I ate already." He sprawled back lazily, like a cat stretching in a sunbeam.

 

"Hakuryuu, I don't mean to disturb you." Hakuei materialized sharply at the foot of the bed. "But Kouha will not leave the tub, and we've been trying all night."

 

Hakuryuu swallowed a few more bites of bagel before setting down his plate. "I'll shower quick and then we can get going." Excited wasn't a word he would normally use in reference to himself, but Hakuryuu, at the very least, found himself ready to tackle the day ahead.

 

It was crowded in the bathroom, and Hakuryuu's skin prickled instantly upon stepping inside. How many overlapping ghosts was he partially intersecting? It was hard to tell. Kouha lay in the tub, sniffling, his eyes vacant. Kouen raised his head. "Firstly, I'm sorry." He said, in his usual gruff tone. It was enough for Hakuryuu.

 

"No, it's okay. Totally forgiven. And second?"

 

"Second. We can't figure out what's wrong with him."

 

Koumei sat heavily on the lid of the toilet. "Whatever has happened to him, it hasn't touched us. Not only will he not answer us, it's almost like he can't see us either."

 

"If you can still talk to him, there's gotta be something you can do!" Kougyoku folded her arms around her middle, squeezing anxiously.

 

Hakuryuu pushed through, all the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. "Kouha, I'm sorry if this feels weird, but it's all I can think of." Leaving no time for Kouha to reply, he turned on the hot water with a sharp twist of the knob.

 

Kouha flinched, water gushing over his face in clear, steaming tributaries. "Hakuryuu? What are you doing here?"

 

"Evicting you, now get out of there. If you feel bad because you're dead, lying there isn't gonna help." He thought about Judal, for half an instant. "You need to find something else to care about, you need to take your mind off it, or else... I don't know what's going to happen to you or what you'll become." He offered his hand into the tub. "You're dead but you can still be the person you were alive."

 

Kouha shook himself like a wet puppy, sitting up. "Hakuryuu, that's easily said than done." He glared. "I died. I feel like I can't ever go back to being the person I used to be. It feels like new parts rot out of me every day. I can't remember who I was."

 

Hakuryuu motioned to the door, waving his siblings out. It would be better if he did this alone. "I have an idea." Taking out his phone, he found Kouha's Instagram. Although it had gone unused for several months, it remained undeleted, all Kouha's pictures intact. "Look. This is the Kouha I knew."

 

At first his brother seemed uninterested. The first few photos were selfies at what seemed like a party, Reirei doing peace signs over her face in the background, Kouha sticking his tongue out ridiculously in the foreground. The next someone else had taken, a shot of Kouha manning a donation table at the local strip mall. Kouha slowly lifted his eyes to the screen as Hakuryuu kept on scrolling. "See? And you used like a million hashtags. And you always looked happy. And you always had your arm around someone... and when you did, they had your full attention."

 

Kouha made a soft sigh. "Oh. Hey, we took that on our anniversary! And this is from Hershey Park!"

 

"But don't you see? This is you." He passed the phone into Kouha's hands. It wobbled ominously in the air, Kouha's hands threatening insubstantiality, before it righted itself. Kouha focused, and after a few tries at pressing the screen, his fingers sliding through it, he scrolled down to the next picture.

 

"So... I wasn't mean, was I? Like I am now?"

 

"Oh, you were a real prick sometimes, but not on purpose."

 

Kouha sniffed. "Yeah. Now I remember. I'm sorry Hakuryuu."

 

"Hey. There's no need for that. Like I said, you still have us... and it's okay to rely on other people sometimes too." He took Kouha's hands firmly, pulling him from the tub. His brother's angles were all different now; a shadow bent back into the correct dimension.

 

Once lifted, Kouha flickered, Hakuryuu's hands passing into his. Giving a pronounced shiver, he drew them back quickly. "Wait, why am I helping you up? You can float!"

 

Kouha laughed weakly, lifting off the ground like a half-filled helium balloon. "And you can't. You're stuck on the floor."

 

"Now come on, I have to take a shower for real." He shooed his brother. "Get."

 

"Fine, but only like this!" Kouha lifted off, his form moving directly up through the speckled plaster ceiling.

 

Feeling like a very good sibling, Hakuryuu diverted the water from the tap to the shower head. But in due time the next problem came into focus; Morgiana. To help her, he’d probably have to come clean about Kougyoku’s diary. Would she mind if it got her and Morgiana back together again? If there was one thing he didn’t want, it was any more drama. 

 

Judal thumped, suddenly, on the bathroom door. “Hakuryuu, can you hurry? I didn’t get to put on my makeup!” When Hakuryuu didn’t respond, he leaned heavily on the door. “I can’t go out there all natural and ugly. Please?”

 

Hakuryuu closed his eyes, enjoying the water for a handful of extra seconds before reluctantly drying off and wrapping a clean, perfectly white towel around himself. “Fine then, but I have to dry my hair.” He pinned the towel to his body with the stump, flinging the door open. Judal’s face certainly looked softer without the wings of eyeshadow and liner; there were several words Hakuryuu could use to describe it, and none of them were ‘ugly’.

 

Making a face, Judal leaned away from Hakuryuu. “Forgot something?” He scoffed. 

 

Of course, in his rush, Hakuryuu hadn’t picked a new set of clothes. His cheeks pricking, he shuffled back into the bathroom. “Oh, sorry.” He swallowed, gripping the towel tightly closed. “I just got out, I didn’t think about it.” He looked down, making double sure nothing was showing. Looking at himself was a hardship; another’s eyes glimpsing the horrid truth of him was doubly bad. 

 

Judal scooted around where he stood, rooted to the damp tile. “Whatever, I don’t really care that much. I’m not looking.” He said airily, dropping a makeup kit on the counter and getting down to business. Once dressed, Hakuryuu crept back in behind him. “Can you show me how to do it like that?”

 

“Why, so we can match?” Judal teased, batting his eyelashes. “If we change up your makeup, we’ll have to redo your whole look later. I can think of at least ten things you’d look better in than polo shirts and boardshorts.”

 

“What’s wrong with them?” Hakuryuu frowned, tugging at the waistband of his shorts.

 

“Nothing’s wrong with them, they’re just so boring! You can do better. Now c’mere, let me show you how it’s done.”

 

Hakuryuu stood stock still, trying not to blink or twist or breathe too hard while Judal outlined his lids, topping it off with a dusting of dusky eyeshadow. “Voila. Now you’re ready to go show off those eyes of yours.” Judal hadn’t even touched his foundation or cover-up, the scar tearing across Hakuryuu’s face left completely intact. The difference, nonetheless, was significant, Hakuryuu’s dichromatic irises leaping out in 3D.

 

“Can you do more? I heard you can use makeup to make your face more masculine, and I did try, I just wasn’t very skilled.”

 

He didn’t have to say another word, Judal springing to action with a brush and highlighter and assorted cakes of powder. In a matter of minutes, Hakuryuu could look at his own face in the mirror without swallowing a healthy dose of disgust. “I look… I look good.” He said, woodenly, too awed for more than a few words. “Thank you Judal.”

 

Judal preened at this, standing up a little straighter. “It was nothing, I’ve been doing this for a while now! It’s like painting but just on a face.”

 

It took a solid twenty minutes for Hakuryuu to yank himself away from his own reflection. Check-out time was nearing, he reminded himself, and he couldn’t be mooning about. That didn’t stop him from sneaking glances at himself in his phone screen. Hakuei noticed first, putting a hand over her mouth. “Wow. You look different. In a good way.” 

 

“I wish I was alive, just so he could do my makeup! Contours are so magical.” Kougyoku was next to dote, fawning over the apparent angles of Hakuryuu’s jaw and the practiced flick of liner at the corners of his eyes. Even Kouen approved, with a firm nod, a smile touching on his lips. Hakuryuu, for the first time in weeks, felt confidence fill him. 

 

Judal elected to clean out the birdcage, dumping the used shavings into the little plastic wastebasket. “Good as new.” He hummed, doling out water and millet. “Are we going now? Can I pick what music we play?”

 

“Of course.” Hakuryuu gathered the bags, awkwardly shimmying his backpack on. “I’d be happy to listen. I think today we’ll be crossing out of Pennsylvania. We’ve been taking our time, but if we stay on the road today, we’ll reach West Virginia sometime in the afternoon.”

 

“Awesome.” Judal confiscated several bags from Hakuryuu. “I thought we agreed you would let me hold these? I’ll get the cage too, don’t forget.”

 

He promised that he wouldn’t.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a side note, here are the songs they're listening to!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blrnWm3tnAc
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU_YMzHtjhk

Hakuryuu picked up the CD case, looking over the back. “I'll be honest, I really wouldn't think anti-folk was your genre, Judal, let alone your favorite album ever.” 

 

“I didn't take it on purpose! It was a total accident, the guy at the register was looking at me funny, I just needed to grab something and go!”

 

“So this? Regina Spektor Complete Discography?” He scanned the list of songs. “Some of these don't sound too bad. Just play your favorites, surprise me.” He handed the case back, pulling his seat belt into place.

 

Judal eagerly spun the dial on the interface, the speakers leaking a hissing garble before the first bars of piano marched out. I never loved nobody fully… Always one foot on the ground came the first words, in an accent Hakuryuu couldn’t quite place. The sky was still clouded that morning, but sunlight in thin beams struck through occasionally to glance off the windshield. As Hakuryuu shifted gears, tires moving back to life, Judal’s music filled the car. It did seem like something Judal would enjoy, the longer Hakuryuu listened. There were minor notes and tones of darkness mixed easily alongside fluttering arpeggios. He dared sneak a glance as he drove; Judal’s face was smiling. 

 

“This is pretty catchy.” Kouha hummed. “Can you tell him I like it for me?”

 

Of course he couldn’t tell Judal his dead brother was a fan of the song. “I like this. Really.” He said, hoping he would convey Kouha’s wish. It wasn’t a lie either. It wouldn’t be Hakuryuu’s usual pick, but with every measure, the harmony grew on him a little more. 

 

Judal perked up. “You do? For reals? Not like joking?”

 

“Cross my heart. You just keep on playing it. I wanna hear all your favorites.” He sent Judal a tiny smile. 

 

He was starting to rethink his earlier statements. Was Judal actually attractive? He was definitely more beautiful than Morgiana, and probably prettier than anyone he’d been to school with. Was it just that he felt a connection to him? He’d heard once that familiarity could make anyone appear attractive. 

 

It would be so humiliating if he begged Kougyoku off, only to later have to admit that he did, in fact, like Judal. The mere thought was so embarrassing he almost lost focus on the road. Out of everyone, why him? This certainly wasn’t the most opportune situation to start thinking a guy was cute. He was probably just psyching himself out. Why on earth would he be having thoughts about Judal? All the same, as Judal had returned the smile, Hakuryuu cursed himself for feeling a sudden flutter just under his ribs. 

 

Hakuryuu, unfortunately, knew well enough what a crush felt like. There had been a period of his early teens where he would develop one on any person who paid him even the most minimal amount of attention. Once a girl held the locker room door open for him in 6th grade; he responded writing her an actual love letter and slipping it into her backpack. Of course, he hadn’t signed it, and no one was ever the wiser. In eighth grade, he’d harbored a crush on his lab partner for almost the whole year; on the second day of school, he had shared lunch money with Hakuryuu, who had forgotten his at home. 

 

For a good, long while, Hakuryuu had been left unscathed by those kinds of emotions. It was just too much to ask to want to keep things simple, evidently. He had to be self aware; if he thought Judal was pretty, it was because he himself was starved for attention, and at the first break in his solitude, at this wonderful chance of friendship, he was already leaping for more. 

 

Settle down, he thought, bitterly, because it’s not getting any better than this.

 

“Hakuryuu, Hakuryuu, I just saw a “Hell Is Real” billboard!” Judal gasped, breaking Hakuryuu from his thoughts. “And it was in a cornfield! I get road trip bingo!”

 

Settle down, he had to think again, this time more firmly. “Road trip bingo? That should be a thing, and if it isn’t, I’m starting a company and making it myself. So far we have ‘religious billboard’ and ‘cornfield,’ what else? I’m thinking those cell towers they disguise to look like pine trees.”

 

“Who do they even think they’re fooling? It’s still a telephone pole! If I was a bird, I wouldn’t trust the damn thing anyway. How about those buffets you get in the middle of nowhere sometimes? Dead end nowhere town, but it’s sporting a huge-ass buffet?”

 

“Those too. My old town actually had one, my brother Koumei used to work the bills there.”

 

“What about vending machines?”

 

“What kind? Like in rest stops?”

 

Judal shook his head. “Oh, nah. I mean like, the ones you see on the roadside sometimes. It could be nighttime, it could be daytime, it doesn’t matter. They just stand there all lit up like they’re waiting for a bus. I’ve seen em inside places too. They’re always the red Coca Cola ones.”

 

“I’ve never seen one before. Doesn’t it seem like a lot of trouble to hook up a vending machine on the highway?”

 

“All I can tell you is the truth Ryuu. I’ve seen at least seven.”  
“You know, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

Judal tilted his chin up, looking snooty. “Oh, you’ll see it. I can promise you that.”

 

Hakuryuu laughed, and when he laughed he felt his face warm, and once he was blushing in full, he was overcome with a sudden dread at what was happening to him. If Kougyoku picked this moment to peek into the front seat, he knew he’d never ever hear the end of it. 

 

They passed by a graveyard, sloping green rises littered with weathered chunks of stone and flower petals. “Ryuu, hold your breath!” Judal admonished, sucking one in just as they passed. “Don’t you know it’s bad luck to breathe near a boneyard?” Hakuryuu shook his head, but froze his breathing all the same. He was already touched by death, so how much worse could it get really? 

 

Beyond the graveyard, colonials began to dot the roadsides. Little houses with overgrown lawns squeezed in between them with ever greater frequency. On the next street corner, a hardware store with old, paneled glass display windows formed a bookend on a row of similar businesses. “Looks like a small town.” Hakuryuu thought aloud. 

 

“Small town? Hold on, there’s a song here…” Judal spun the dial, checking the CD case. 

I must’ve left a thousand times… But there’s a small town in my mind. “There’s a song for everything on there, huh?” Hakuryuu slowed the car, moving leisurely past the shops and homes of small town USA. “This one is sadder than the first, I think. It’s about trying to leave something behind, right?”

 

Today we’re younger than we’re ever gonna be. Judal shook his head. “I see it as finally getting the courage to. The chorus isn’t inside her head, it’s the people in her town saying ‘no, it’s not good out there, you gotta stay here’ but she knows she isn’t getting any younger! And even though she knows it’ll hurt the people who raised her, she still has to leave.”

 

“That’s surprisingly deep, coming from you, Ju.” This time, the nickname raised no eyebrows. “How many times have you listened to this song?”

“Totally lost count. Ryuu, what do you think it’s really like to live in a small town like this? Is it boring?” He peeked back out the window. “Or peaceful?”

 

Earlier, his siblings had been talking amongst themselves, but whether by coincidence or purpose, all five fell quiet. Hakuryuu shrugged, the silence making him reluctant to speak. “I don’t really know. It seems nice here though, at least. I would have to live here to figure it out.”

 

Judal spun in his seat, a guilty look on his face. “Alright, I know we said no stops today, but just now I saw a candy shop, can we go back there and get some? I’ll be really fast, in and out!”

 

Hakuei piped up from the backseat. “Hakuryuu look at his face, how can you say no to that? It’s only candy, after all.” She didn’t really need to give her two cents. Hakuryuu was finding it less and less easy to hold off against Judal’s requests. 

 

“Alright, in and out.” Hakuryuu pulled a U-turn, executing a painstakingly careful parallel park. The candy shop was bordered on either side by a barber shop and a two-pump gas station. He could get some gas before they left, Hakuryuu told himself, locking the car and following Judal into the shop, a blue gabled place that would look purely residential if not for the sign.

 

In the five second gap between Judal and Hakuryuu’s entrances, Judal had already accumulated a pack of fudge, three bags of lollipops, a jumbo black and white cookie, and had begun busying himself by scooping assorted gummy candies into a gallon sized plastic bag. “Doesn’t it smell so sweet in here?” Judal sighed. “God I just wanna get everything.”

 

“How are you going to eat that much?” Hakuryuu eyed the lollipops. “Who says I’m even going to buy three hundred lollipops anyway?”

 

“Because.” Judal grinned slyly. “If you don’t I’ll just have to sing a certain little tune I know.”

 

Unimpressed, Hakuryuu leaned against a shelf. “Yes. Because singing a song is going to make me snap and purchase fifty dollars worth of sugar.” 

 

He was going to eat his words. Judal continued dumping gummies into his bag, this time, singing very loudly to a song Hakuryuu had only heard once, when he allowed Kouha to drag him to a club last summer. Kouha laughed, pantomiming drying his eyes. “Hakuryuu, he’s fucking singing Candy Shop in a candy shop! I love this guy.”

 

Every cell in Hakuryuu’s body twisted with embarrassment. “Judal, you can’t… You can’t say that kind of thing in public!” He huffed. He should just walk away from this, and act like they’d never met, at least until Judal stopped. 

 

“What?” Judal turned, batting his eyelashes with cartoonish innocence. “Unless you want a taste of what I got, or you want to buy me this candy, you had best hush and let me sing.” Hakuryuu opened his mouth, but Judal interjected over him. “And if you think I’ll be done after this, there are more tunes where this came from, and mark my words, I will dance to them.”

 

Judal dancing. Hakuryuu wanted to smack himself in the face for imagining it so thoroughly. “Fine! I’ll get it all, everything you want!” He caved, flushing right down to his neck. “You bullied me into it, are you happy?”

 

“Um, duh?”

 

Kougyoku waved a hand in the air, her fingers trailing through something even Hakuryuu could not see. “It’s so pink! It’s like confetti, almost.” She sighed. “Hakuryuu, all of these are coming from you, you know.”

 

Judal came away with an armload of candy, Hakuryuu with a lifetime of humiliation and a package of honey-roasted cashews.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very proud of the way this chapter turned out!! Once again, I hope everyone enjoys! :)

Hakuryuu had made good on his word. From their brief pit stop, he didn’t stall the car again. On a full tank of gas, fueled mostly by sugar, he managed to cross into West Virginia by the time the sun was just dipping lower in the sky. Judal had been a handful, he recalled, almost the whole ride.

 

The first strike had been when he tried to make Hakuryuu look away from the road, where he was quite busy merging, to watch him deep throat a lollipop. As if that hadn’t been disastrous enough, Judal left every single wrapper he’d removed on the floor of the car, until a blanket of plasticine squares littered the area around the passenger’s seat. 

 

It was a bit funny, looking back, how easy it was to let Judal tease him, Hakuryuu thought. He could just clean up the floor later. Finding out a way to tease Judal back would have to be next on his list; being a sitting duck for him and being able to fire back were two completely different things. Presently, Judal dozed off again, his mouth sticky with lollipop residue. Hakuryuu almost missed an exit, for he was too busy looking at Judal’s distracting mouth. 

 

“What’s gotten into you? You’re usually such a careful driver.” Kougyoku leaned around to get a look at Judal herself. “I bet I can guess.”

 

Hakuryuu resented how opaque his emotions could be. “You can try.” He replied, trying to keep the guise of aloofness up. “You probably won’t get it.”

 

“Oh, yes I will.” She showed off a self-satisfied grin. “My first guess is…” She lowered her voice, so that no one else could hear. “It’s him, it’s Judal, right? I take it back, you’re too big of a weenie to just tell me if you liked him. I’m not judging you, he is pretty cute. And annoying, but if I’m being honest, I’d say you like the way he bothers you. I haven’t seen you laugh this much since… well, never actually. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like the way he winds you up.”

 

Hakuryuu gripped the wheel tight, all five nails digging into it. “Stop that! You know it doesn’t!” 

 

“That red face tells me otherwise, little brother.”

 

“I’m just embarrassed!” He hissed. “You can’t just say stuff like that! It’s not even true!”

 

“That’s a really cruel way to treat somebody who only wants to help you, Hakuryuu. Really rude. Here I was, thinking ‘oh, maybe I can help get the two of them together’ but oh no, my humble services are not wanted here.” She sighed heavily, leaning against the side of the passenger’s seat. 

 

It was a long stretch of seconds before Hakuryuu could compose himself enough to answer her. “Kougyoku, if you’re willing to help… If you can figure something out, I would appreciate it.” He couldn’t believe himself. Judal wasn’t someone he should want by any means, and by asking her for help, he was admitting the feelings to be true. He really shouldn’t have been surprised. Suddenly, he wondered why he didn’t admit it sooner. 

 

“Aw! Oh gosh this is just adorable. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with a foolproof plan. Can I tell anybody else?”

 

“No!” He yelped, much louder than he needed to. 

 

“No what?” Koumei asked, puzzled.

 

“No to nothing, never mind.” He muttered quickly. 

 

“Are you sure? If I tell them we could all help! Five heads are better than one!”

 

“Help with what?”

 

“Oh my… God.” Hakuryuu slammed his head against the wheel, unintentionally blaring the horn. Judal yelped, falling forwards in his seat. 

 

“Ryuu, what- What’s going on, are we crashing is there an accident? Are we dying? Are you dead?” He grabbed Hakuryuu by the cheeks, squishing them. “Talk to me!”

 

Hakuryuu couldn’t help his laughter. “I’m alive you dork, now get off me or I’ll crash the car for real. We’re in West Virginia, been here for like ten minutes.” He gently swatted his hands away. “You hungry? I’ll swing by someplace.”

 

Judal settled, crossing his arms petulantly. “I don’t know, after you scared me like that I think I’ve lost my appetite.” He tilted his nose up, ‘humph’-ing. 

 

“Fine, then we’ll get nothing, have fun being hungry.”

 

“Wait, you have to eat too! Wanna check off another spot on our road trip bingo and find a chinese buffet? I’m in the mood for some lo-mein, even though it’s totally not like the real stuff at all.”

 

Hakuryuu nodded. “I’ve had it authentic, it’s worlds different. I think I like them both the same though.”

 

“Can you grab my phone? It’s still on the map, just check for me if there’s a place in any of the nearby towns. Don’t worry about reading off directions or anything.”  
Judal grabbed his phone off the console, scrolling through with one finger. “There’s a place called Royal Asian a few exits up this way, and it’s open really late, so if you wanna hang around there for a while it’ll be fine.”

 

“Will you read the exit number?”

 

“Ah, it’s exit 76, southbound. Wanna lollipop to tide you over until we get there?”

 

“Judal, because of you, I can never eat another lollipop again.” He snorted. “Until I can remove all those traumatic memories you just gave me, at least. I just won’t ever unsee those.”

 

“Suit yourself Ryuu. The blue raspberry ones are damn good.”

 

“Oh, so that’s why your lips are all blue.”

 

“Oh, so you were looking at my lips?”

 

“It’s very hard to ignore Judal, your mouth is bright blue, you look like a child!” He retorted, quickly.

 

Judal pulled down the mirror, scrubbing at his lips, but to no avail. “Fuck. You’re right. And it’s not coming off. I ate… ten, I think? Do we have any wipes?”

 

“Nope.” Hakuryuu snickered.

 

The sunset was bursting in supersonic pink over the deciduous forest hills when Judal spoke again. “My brain gets weird so sometimes I forget things, so I’m sorry if I’ve said this multiple times already, but Ryuu, I’m grateful. Honest.” Hakuyuu sat bolt upright. Judal sounded too sober to ignore. “I’m having a lot of fun with you. I’m glad I met you, I’m happy you asked me to come… Long story short, thank you, is what I’m trying to say.” Towards the end his words grew stuttered and stiff, like brittle twigs. 

 

Hakuryuu swallowed. “Me too. I’m happy I met you.” 

 

What had he been thinking? He was entertaining fantasies that would never come to be. There was too much in the way between he and Judal; he had no idea if Judal could harbor the same feelings, or whether he was capable of it in the first place. To top it all of, he himself was the anchor-weight for five human balloons. When would he ever get true privacy? Would he have to ask his siblings to go away for good? That was likely impossible, and the thought made his stomach turn. It was best to leave things as they were. A healthy friendship was the best he could hope for. 

 

Judal wasn’t finished. “Y’know, there’s just something special about you, Hakuryuu. I can feel it whenever I’m close to you. A-and something else is… I trust you.” He gave a soft laugh of hysteria. “I feel like I can just tell you shit, how crazy is that? I feel like I can tell you anything.”

 

Healthy friendship wasn’t cutting it. The risks and cautions heaved into a pit of willful ignorance, Hakuryuu tried to give a normal smile, not too eager. “I totally understand that. You can tell me anything Ju. I welcome it, actually. As long as I can trust you as well.” He could feel Kougyoku’s luminous smile on the back of his neck. Curse her for being so right. 

 

There was a soft sigh from Judal, released like a moth fluttering towards light. “This is what I mean. You’re really something, Hakuryuu. I don’t know how anybody else could compare to you.”

 

Unsure how to respond without making a complete idiot of himself, Hakuryuu wished desperately for some distraction. A godsend, his exit appeared on the righthand side of the road. “Judal quick, check the map, that’s it, right?” Upon confirmation, Hakuryuu spun the wheel, quickly, putting them on track.

 

“What’s going on with you two?” Hakuei looked between him and Judal. “Are you going to tell me, or will we have to get it out of Kougyoku, seeing as she clearly knows something we don’t.”

 

“I for one don’t want to know.” Kouen purposely faced the other way, and Hakuryuu made a mental note to thank him for it. Koumei followed his lead, actually miming shoving his fingers in his ears. Bless them. 

 

Kouha on the other hand shuffled up alongside his sisters, grinning slyly. “Love is in the air, isn’t it Hakuryuu?” He wiggled his eyebrows. This was even less fun when he couldn’t respond, Hakuryuu thought, tiredly. 

 

Kougyoku answered for him. “He’s not in love yet, but don’t worry, things are coming along nicely.”

 

“Hakuryuu, do you like him? You can tell me, I swear I won’t start planning anything. I’m only here for support.” Hakuei stressed the final word, peering expectantly at Hakuryuu. “Just tap on the steering wheel. Two taps for yes, one for no.”

 

How involved they could be, even in death! Feeling his last reserves of pride wither away, he tapped the wheel twice with his index finger. Hakuei gasped, albeit a little too dramatically to be real. “I’m so happy for you. Really. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? And if he doesn’t feel the same way, laugh it off.”

 

Once again easier said than done. “Oh, look,” he said, pointedly, “there’s the restaurant.” The buffet was a large installation on one side of a strip mall. The lights were up in the dusk, all the shaded windows leaking a soft light from around the edges. The parking lot was moderately full, and it took a little bit of circling to find a good spot. Judal slithered out, stretching. “I am so ready to eat, Ryuu, you better bring your wallet. This is an all-you-can-eat place, right?”

 

“That’s the impression I was getting.” Hakuryuu patted his pocket, making sure his wallet was still there. “All set.” He looked up, unequipped to hide his smile. He was ill-equipped, too, to defend himself from the look he got in return. 

 

Judal lunged, hooking arms with him, marching him towards the double doors. “You’re such a slowpoke for somebody who beat me in a race, Ryuu. You need to learn how to pick up the pace.” Hakuryuu kept his head down, his legs hardly keeping up with the speed at which Judal towed him. This was almost sort of like holding hands, wasn’t it? 

 

There was a quiet ante-room, wallpaper in soft crimson tones clinging to the walls, warm yellow glow oozing through the space. Unfortunately, it was just as sweltering as outside, the air conditioner either nonexistent or turned off. The space passed in a quick blur, Judal tugging him into the next room before he could draw two breaths. “This is so fancy!” Judal murmured, his gaze darting across all of the seating area and hooded, steaming islands of food. 

 

It wasn’t, very. If Hakuryuu focused he could pick out imperfections with utmost ease, from stains on the rug to a flickering light bulb, but he muted them out for Judal’s sake. If Judal wanted to believe it was fancy, he would let him. Hakuryuu went through the process of getting a table, a neat little alcove in the corner of the room, while Judal bounced and pulled at his arm to beg for a quarter to feed the fish in the indoor koi pond near the door. 

 

Had he forgotten his own hunger so quickly? Hakuryuu broke, taking a quarter for himself too. He nearly had to fish Judal out of the pool once he noticed people had thrown coins into the bottom. But the fish might eat them and get sick! Judal protested, fingers stretching for the surface of the water. Besides, wouldn’t it just be a waste to let all that money get left behind, he went on to argue, pouting and cajoling. 

 

Upon seeing the dessert options, he promptly forgot, leaping from the edge of the pond and spilling his remaining food pellets in a sudden shower. As he took off, Hakuryuu watched the orange and red dappled koi swirl around the flurry of nutrients, tiny waves lapping at the edges of the oblong plastic basin. Did Judal know what he left behind? He wondered, in the undercurrents of his thought. Did he really ever think about the ripples of change he caused constantly?

 

“Hakuryuu get your ass over here or I’ll take every piece of Jello!” Judal threatened, waving a pair of silver serving tongs at him. “They have all the good flavors! Plus I think I saw a whole squid over there, and I wanna see if I can eat it.”

 

“He’s going to give himself the worst food poisoning someday.” Hakuei drifted past, shaking her head. “If you really do care for him, you’d better stop him before he eats something risky.”

 

Judal did not just eat the steamed squid, he made Hakuryuu spectate as he did, letting the tentacles dangle out of his mouth grossly as he chewed. Hakuryuu feigned disgust; it was funner that way, he found. The more he pretended to be annoyed, the greater the reaction. He himself had only taken one sparing plate from the buffet tables, a few dim sum, shrimp and chicken, he felt was more than enough to tide him over. Though, he couldn’t help spearing several of Judal’s dumplings from the collapsing sides of his heaping four plates with his chopsticks.

 

Judal sighed, wistfully eyeing the wooden sticks. “Ryuu, you actually know how to use those things? I’m stuck with a fork over here like a loser, why don’t you let me in on the secret?”

 

Almost too excitedly in his own opinion, Hakuryuu slid into Judal’s booth beside him. “Here, I’ll show you.” He fitted his arm around Judal, guiding both their hands towards the second pair of chopsticks, Not really in a hurry, Hakuryuu demonstrated where his fingers ought to go, the barest movement from Judal breaking the rhythm of his heartbeat. He couldn’t remember any of his previous crushes being so intense. This really must be a different animal of emotion.

 

As soon as Judal could manage it, he lightly pinched Hakuryuu’s nose with the tips of his sticks. “There. I stole it.” He taunted. “What are you gonna do without that nose of yours?”

 

“Probably nothing, because I’m not four and I’m not falling for it.” Hakuryuu replied, airily. “As for you, somebody’s run off with your common sense, you had better go catch it.”

 

Judal’s face split open with a smile like a burst seam. “You finally learned how to retaliate! Now I guess teasing you won’t be as fun. Or maybe more fun. We’ll see.”

 

“This is fucking gay Hakuryuu.” Kouha groaned, covering his face. “I was only messing around before, please don’t make me have to watch any more of this, I’m begging!”

 

That only put Hakuryuu in a better mood. “I’m going to finish eating this now and then I’ll ask for fortune cookies, if you want. I don’t eat them, they taste kind of like styrofoam to me, but the fortunes are always fun.” 

 

“Wait, not yet, I’m not done with all my food!”

 

“I can’t stop you from eating all of that, but I can ask nicely; please don’t do that to yourself Judal, I don’t feel like cleaning vomit out of my car all night.” Reluctantly, Judal surrendered two of his four plates, only keeping the ones with Jello, which he inhaled like a tornado. 

 

Hakuryuu and Judal’s fortunes read, respectively, ‘Your problem just got bigger. What have you done?’ and ‘You will be hungry again in one hour.’ 

 

***

 

The hotel they chose wasn’t terribly far away. This time it was a Marriot, about ten minutes drive from the restaurant, situated comfortably at the end of the main stretch of road. Beside it, an exit ramp rushed quietly like a white noise machine. The lobby, wide-open, draped in molten gold and faint red, smelled like a nostalgia Hakuryuu couldn’t quite put a finger on. A fountain gushed opposite the front desk, its centerpiece a metal sculpture in the shape of a man. 

 

As Judal passed it, he whistled. “Whoever made that thing knew what they were doing!” He gave Hakuryuu a sly look. “Especially where it counts.”

 

Hakuryuu tensed. “If you’re telling me you like that sculpture’s ass, I don’t know why.”

 

“You have really great taste Hakuryuu.” Koumei, too, was in on it, grinning faintly. “I can totally see why you like him. He’s just… such a catch.” Hakuryuu wished his brother was corporeal, just so he could throw something at him.

 

“I can’t help it! I know a good form when I see it.” Judal retorted, dragging his armload of bags to the elevator, where he pressed the buttons with the flat of his shoe. Hakuryuu hurried in beside him before the doors could clamp shut on him. His siblings, however, were too slow; the elevator shot up without them. Hakuryuu felt a sickening yank in his guts as the connection was stretched, his siblings no doubt experiencing a similar force upwards. The tether that connected them really wasn’t terribly lengthy, he noted, trying to focus on something other than the nauseating pull. 

 

The platform came to a stop, and seconds later, all five ghosts bursting and fizzling into the air around him. “That was awful, I never want to go through it again.” Kouen huffed, rubbing his temples. “I think I just got pulled apart molecule by molecule.”

 

“Hakuryuu you jerk, be more careful!” Kougyoku admonished, bending over to rest her hands on her knees. Judal, meanwhile, traipsed unawares down the hallway, whistling to Dandelion, whose cage he held balanced just under his chin. 

 

After organizing the bags in one corner, Judal dug liberally through Hakuryuu’s, coming up with The Princess Bride. “Ryuu, sorry if this sounds dumb, but I’ve never been able to finish a whole book on my own… I was thinking, maybe if you read this to me I could focus a little better? Maybe I could absorb more of it?” He strained his face, hopefully, sinking down on their single, albeit large, bed. 

 

Hakuryuu sat beside him, taking the time-worn copy from his hands. “I could probably recite this book, that’s how many times I’ve read it. I’m not the best at reading out loud, I’ll make lots of mistakes, are you sure this is how you wanna spend the night?”

 

“The mistakes don’t matter, as long as it’s you reading. Is that a yes? I’m taking that as a yes.”

 

“I actually can’t watch this.” Kouen quickly absconded back into the hall. 

 

“Me either. Like, as cute as is this, you need your sacred alone time.” Kougyoku dictated, sliding backwards through the wall, taking the other three with her; it was just him and Judal then, and trying to keep his attention on the paperback in his hands, every crease in the fading cover suddenly of interest, Hakuryuu slid back against the pillows. 

 

“Ready?” He flicked his gaze upwards, to where Judal now laid on the bed, feet in the air, chin on his hands. He took his expectant look as a yes, turning open to the first page and beginning to read. “This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it…” 

 

After the introduction, tripping clumsily over a few sentences, Hakuryuu began to catch the rhythm of reading out loud. This was a story he knew almost by heart, but through Judal’s expressions, he felt like this was the first time he had ever picked it up. Halfway through the fourth chapter, Judal stopped him. “Ryuu, you have a lovely voice.” He said quietly, in such a sedated tone that Hakuryuu hardly would have realized it was him without his lips moving. 

 

Hakuryuu let himself trail off, a not uncomfortable warmth creeping up his face. “Thank you.” He murmured, after a healthy twenty seconds of awkward noncommittal sounds. 

 

“No, thank you! It’s all due to that voice of yours that I can pay attention to this so well. I owe you one.” Judal laid down a little further, smiling. “Are you gonna keep reading or what? I was just getting into it!”

 

By the time Hakuryuu let his first yawn go, the cable box clock read past midnight. With a start, Hakuryuu sat upright. “How long have I been reading for?” He gaped, the tiredness evaporating from his eyelids. 

 

“Give or take a few hours? I didn’t wanna stop you! You were so lost in it, and also I wanted to find out what happens, but that’s okay, because right now we’re going on an adventure.” Judal popped up, looking smug. “Let’s just go, let’s do something, anything, Hakuryuu.”

 

“Do you have a plan?”

 

“You did kind of promise you’d get us binders. What happened to that?”

 

Hakuryuu set down the book, leaving it open to hold their place. “I did promise, didn’t I? Not sure what stores are open at one am, but I’m up for it.” He grabbed the keys, checking in the mirror that his makeup hadn’t sweated off completely. He might need a cup of coffee to drive safely, he thought briefly, before stepping out of the room. 

 

Kougyoku and Kouha loitered near the ice machines, Kouha lying on his back on the ground and propping his heels up against the body of one gently rumbling appliance. “Oh, finally, you’re back.” He looked behind him, at Judal. “Are we going somewhere?”

 

Nodding discreetly, Hakuryuu breezed past towards the elevator, pausing a moment or two to let the rest of his ghostly family take notice before he left them behind again. “It’s so late at night, where are you two going?” Hakuei touched Hakuryuu’s shoulder, her insubstantial hand clammy and chilling. “I don’t want you to get into a bad situation. At least be careful driving, and remember to use your turn signals and keep the headlights on.” 

 

While inside Hakuryuu bristled, he made himself outwardly agreeable. Hakuei only cared. He pushed the button for the lobby quickly, before Judal could do something asinine, like press all of the buttons and make them wait to stop at every single floor.

 

The night was hot; the temperature hadn’t dropped at all with the setting of the sun, and even at that late house, an ever-present heat smothering Hakuryuu, hand over mouth, tar in his lungs. He sped up, cranking the air conditioner in the car up to it’s highest setting. Judal whistled, slipping in. “You finally learned how to use that thing! Thank god, I’m fucking dying.” He fanned himself with his hand. 

 

“I don’t know why it’s so hot.” Hakuryuu mumbled, angling a jet directly at his face. 

 

“It’s like we’re trapped in a furnace. Get driving Ryuu, go on, I’ll tell you where to stop! I know where to stop.”

 

Trusting Judal, Hakuryuu turned onto the exit ramp, spiralling up to a higher road. Pairs of headlights were few and far between, staring like cold dwarf stars in the rushing darkness. Suddenly, it was like Hakuryuu was watching the highway flow past from behind his own head, his consciousness seated just outside his own body. Disconnected and surreal, the landscape blurred like the depths of space. 

 

Judal opened the window, leaning his head out like an eager puppy. Oddly, just then, looking at him made Hakuryuu’s vision blur and warp. In the backseat, there came a hum like a refrigerator hooked up to a nuclear power plant. “Hakuryuu, I feel… Strong.” Kougyoku whispered to him, her words careful and precise. “Stronger, anyway.”

 

“There’s something heavy in the air, I feel less flat. Sturdy.” Kouen continued. He placed his hand on the back of Hakuryuu’s seat, and he felt it, felt the seat shift forwards. 

 

Kouha folded his arms around his middle. “I don’t like this. I feel sick.”

 

“I don’t.” Koumei shook his head. “It’s like I have a heartbeat again. I don’t know how you’re doing this, Hakuryuu. But keep it up if you can.”

 

Hakuryuu wasn’t sure if it was him, the road, Judal, or a combined effort between all three, but he did not know how it happened, nor how to stop it. He turned to Judal. “Do you feel that? There’s something buzzing.”

 

“What do you mean” He wrinkled his nose. “Nothing’s changed for me. Maybe the road is bumpier than normal.”

 

Hakuryuu came to the conclusion that Judal lived this way all of the time, floating just beyond his body, a pulse thrumming under the skin. Judal froze, squinting down past the trees. “Wait. Do you see that?”

 

His first impression of the place was ‘temple’. The grey box rose suddenly in four dimensions from the roadside, a massive empty parking lot spanning like an open gallery for worship, the fluorescent beams of floodlights shining down like diluted pools of heaven. And then he spotted the Walmart sign, forty feet off the ground, 24/7 service guaranteed. 

 

“That’s it. They’ll have something here.” Judal gave his affirmation, motioning for Hakuryuu to cruise through the asphalt field. His insides still prickling, still a spectator in his life, Hakuryuu touched his feet gingerly to the ground, testing his own balance before allowing Judal to lead him through the automatic doors.

 

Hakuryuu had been in Walmarts before, though his mother preferred Whole Foods to anything. But even drawing on limited experience alone, he could tell there was something off, an altered quality lingering over it all like a film over swampy water. From the rows of vacant registers, to the bare steel beams of warehouse ceiling, to as far back down the brilliantly lit aisles he could see, all was quiet and still. All except Judal, who busied himself in the corner with finding a cart. “Ryuu, you should get one too.” He wheeled his own back from the rest. “We can split up, and whoever finds a binder or binder by-products first gets to bring home the spoils. Ready?” Hakuryuu’s hands had not glanced the handle of his cart sooner than Judal could pipe, “Set? Go!”

 

He was gone in a high-pitched squeal, the wheels of his cart protesting the speed with which he’d kicked off the tiles. “Hakuryuu, are you gonna let him beat you? Don’t you want to keep your position?” Kouha waved him off. “Don’t worry about us, just go!”

 

Hakuryuu had to fight for balance at first, but jamming his stump between the handlebar and the body of the cart, he was able to push it properly. In retrospect, he had never been the type to act irreverently or have the types of wild teenage exploits; the moment anything crossed his mind, he was bombarded with a thousand reasons why it could go wrong or backfire. But these past few days with Judal, it was as though that part of his brain had been set to mute. With Judal, it felt like consequences couldn’t reach him. Reality could no longer touch him. 

 

After whizzing past the cold and frozen foods section, a battalion of glass refrigerator doors, Hakuryuu found the clothing aisles. He decided, however, that Judal had already been there; all of the mannequins had been pantsed. That reeked of Judal’s humor, and Hakuryuu found himself laughing under his breath. If Judal had come this way, he might as well turn around and search elsewhere. 

 

The Pharmacy was closed, but following several minutes of scanning shelves, Hakuryuu found something that might make do- a medical chest compression binder. The box read that the binders were meant for people who had just undergone surgery, but what did that matter if the effects were the same? He took four and dumped them into the cart, giddy with victory. Now where had Judal gone?

 

He wasn’t in entertainment or outdoor supplies or in any of the dozen dry goods aisles. Hakuryuu found him in the toy section, riding a pink plastic Barbie car at ten miles an hour. He hardly fit inside, his knees pulled up almost to his chin, the motor whining as he pressed the tiny gas pedal a little harder. “Ryuu, listen.” He attempted a parallel park next to Hakuryuu, who had to look down to meet his eyes. “There’s nobody here. There’s literally nobody working here. We can do whatever we want.”

 

“How can you even know that? Maybe there’s a security guard? Someone on break in a back room?”

 

“Nope, no one. I went out to the garden section and even the staff parking lot is empty. I think maybe someone just forgot to lock up… the cameras are shut down too, all the TV monitors are just static.” He pointed upwards into the corner, and sure enough, the rabbit-eared television was flickering and glitching into darkness. 

 

Hakuryuu laughed. “How am I gonna pay for these, then?”

 

“How about we don’t?” Judal batted his eyelashes. “You know nothing will stop us.”

 

Hakuryuu offered his hand to Judal, pulling him up and out of the toy. “I say we take this chance then.”

 

It wasn’t long after Hakuryuu had joined Judal in launched tiny, sticky lizards at the wall and helped him crawl inside a bouncy ball enclosure that one member of his family caught up with them. “What,” Kouen said, in an almost dangerous monotone, “are you doing.” 

 

Hakuryuu gestured to where Judal was arranging wooden letters from the craft department on the floor in rows. “That. What does it look like?”

That silenced him. It was a satisfying sensation, being somewhat in charge. It suddenly felt like Christmas had come early, without any of the usual anxiety that enshrouded the holiday. 

 

“Ryuu, okay, how’s this?” Judal appeared from around a corner, toting two water guns. “One last competition, winner takes all the glory, and this crown I found in the costume department. Last man without all his clothes wet takes home the gold.”

 

Hakuryuu took up the smaller water pistol, patterned in white and orange. “Where do we fill these up?”

 

“There’s a water fountain in the front of the store, over by the barber shop and glasses store. We can fill em up there, and then one of us gets a headstart.” Those seemed like good terms.

 

“Is there anywhere off limits, where we can’t hide?”

 

“Nope. Whole store is fair game. Now hop in, I’ll push us both back!” Judal waved at Hakuryuu’s nearly forgotten cart, the four medical binders clustered neatly at the bottom. Hakuryuu clambered in, gripping the side tightly as Judal sent them both whooshing back across the warehouse. Both water pistols were filled up; both took turns keeping the water running while the other held the gun under the stream. 

 

Hakuryuu tested his gun, spritzing the fountain lightly. “I think you deserve the head start. Go on, I have a timer on my phone. I’ll wait a fair amount and then go.”

 

This greatly pleased Judal, who lit up instantly. “Damn straight. I can go now?”

 

“Yep. Outta here.” Hakuryuu grinned, covering his eyes so he couldn’t watch which direction Judal had run to.

 

“You could cheat in this way too easily.” Kougyoku sighed beside him, just as he was unblinding himself. 

 

“Oh yeah? Care to enlighten me on how?”

 

She gave him a smug look. “I could go and find him and tell you where he is. It’ll be like you have surveillance cameras on him! I already asked Hakuei and she said she’d help too. You deserve that crown.”

 

He found himself unable to pass up an offer like that. “He’s probably got some tricks up his own sleeve. I can use your help.” He’d barely finished speaking before Kougyoku drifted off directly through a display of Pringles. He barely had to wait the full two minutes he’d given himself before Hakuei beckoned him from around a clearance rack. 

 

Cradling his weapon, Hakuryuu quietly slipped after her, crouching as they moved past clear jewelry cases, through the shoe department, around changing rooms to the approximate center of the store. Kougyoku hovered slightly above the ground, waving Hakuryuu towards a rack of dangling belts. “Get in here! He’s coming!” She cast a glance back through the home improvement aisles. 

 

It reminded Hakuryuu of being a very small child, and wanting to disguise himself in clothing racks. That was, however, until once his mother thought he’d been kidnapped and called security. He pushed past the belts, which smelled thickly of leather, trying to keep his breathing under control. Faintly, he could see the outlines of his sisters through the thick curtain. It seemed all he had to do was wait. His finger tensed on the trigger, ready to drench the next thing that moved. 

 

Judal was more stealthy than Hakuryuu would’ve guessed. He was soundless and swift, and Hakuryuu wouldn’t have spied him moving between racks of clothing if Kougyoku hadn’t pointed him out. Any second, he figured, he would pass by these belts. 

 

As Hakuryuu moved to burst from his hiding place, something tripped him. Bewildered as he was, everything seemed to freeze, time standing absolutely still. There had been nothing on the ground, unless- one of his sisters had upset him on purpose. The next thing he was to register was Judal, who stood much closer than it had appeared from inside the belts. Should he still shoot? His reflexes kicked in mid-fall. 

 

Time kicked back in. Hakuryuu rose, tripped over Kougyoku’s outstretched ankle, hit Judal square in the chest with a jet of water, and, such was the parabola of his launch that he crashed directly into him, his mouth glancing the edge of Judal’s lips with near-bruising force. 

 

“O-oh my god, I’m sorry.” Hakuryuu gasped. Having dropped his gun in media res, he clung to Judal’s shoulder for support. There was an expression of utter shock written across Judal’s features, pupils turned to pinpricks of darkness. He’d kissed him. Well, almost kissed him. Did that quite count? It was very brief and vaguely painful and their lips had barely touched at all. A tsunami of panic threatened to drown his mind. “I didn’t mean to, I just tripped a-and-”

 

“I guess that makes you the winner, doesn’t it?” Judal’s visage softened, gradually, and then his nose bumped over Hakuryuu’s scarred cheek and their mouths aligned properly. 

 

It took Hakuryuu a few seconds to realize he was being kissed. There was a dry warmth, the brush of lips, Judal’s now-closed eyes very close to his own. Prickles of heat rose from his insides, popping like bubbles on his skin. One, two seconds passed, and Judal’s hand went to his waist, three, it was dawning on him, four, and there was breath against his cheek, five, and he kissed Judal back. 

 

His eyes fell shut like stones into deep water, nothing in his mind but the way Judal’s lips softened, drew back, pushed back into his. His hand shakily found the back of Judal’s neck. Judal, with great reluctance it seemed, moved away by a half centimeter, his breathing deep and raspy. “Uh. That was okay, right?” His voice betrayed too many emotions; most obviously, apprehension, less visible, reverence and affection.

 

His voice momentarily lost to him, Hakuryuu answered with a kiss of his own. He had limited practice, limited experience, and far too many feelings; he came on perhaps a little too eagerly, because Judal laughed, giddily. “Shh. Not too fast. Like this.”


	16. Chapter 16

In the aftermath, everything felt right. Judal was in his arms, the air crackling and hissing around them until Hakuryuu felt lightheaded and had to pull away. “Sorry, I’m kind of bad at this.” He admitted, every pore of his skin tingling. 

 

“Well I think you’re perfect.” Judal’s tone was so earnest, Hakuryuu had to believe him. He held still as Judal gently traced his scarred cheek, acutely aware that his sisters were standing right behind him and good lord if that wasn’t a damper on things. 

 

In fact, he could hear them whispering about him. Didn’t he deserve even a shred of privacy, especially at a delicate moment like this? He tuned out their fawning, leaning as far as he dared into Judal’s touch. He wasn’t going to question this. 

 

He was allowed three to four more seconds of contentment before all hell broke loose. 

 

Kouha shambled down the rows of men’s clothing, his face ashen and speckled with bits of… was that mold? The closer he came, the more the temperature dropped. His head was dented oddly, his legs bent, hobbling his steps. Hakuryuu held his breath, unable to look away. Frowning, Judal nudged him. “Hello? You’ve got a helluva thousand yard stare going on right now.”

 

The lights flickered violently, fuses bursting, and Kouha opened his mouth. “Unfair.” Kouha hissed. “I can’t believe you!” His voice howled down the aisle like a tundra wind. “How the fuck is it that you get to fall in love and I don’t? I wish you were dead-” Hakuryuu had to stop listening then, the combination of fear and shock poisoning his mind. 

 

Hakuei and Kougyoku were equally stunned. “I know it can be difficult to contain your jealousy, but it has to be done.” Hakuei said sharply, features tightened. “He is your brother. Your family. He has done so much for you.”

 

Meanwhile, Judal was tensed, like a trap about to swing shut. “Ryuu, come on. I don’t like this. There’s something bad…” 

 

Kouha’s form shattered and refracted and Hakuryuu could see the insects, those creatures only the dead could detect, hundreds of blackened moths swarming his brother and remaking him into a horror, and when Judal turned he knew that the monster was visible. “What is that?” Judal whispered. 

 

He had always known that he’d have to come clean to Judal, regardless of whether he’d acknowledged the fact. Slowly, he backed away from the horned, fanged, hooved thing his brother had become, pulling Judal with him. “Judal, um, do you remember when I told you about my siblings? How they died?”

 

“Oh sweet fucking god Hakuryuu, don’t tell me.”

 

“They didn’t exactly… go away.” Hakuryuu finished meekly. 

 

To his utter astonishment, Judal burst into weak, hysterical giggles. “I’m not a moron, I knew something was up with you. I could hear you talking to yourself… way more than most people do. And once in the car I pretended to be asleep and you had an entire conversation with nobody, I mean, it could totally be worse than this! Which sib is that? This is just like that one movie where the guy is in the hospital and he can talk to all the dead people and-”

 

Relieved though he was, Hakuryuu pressed his finger brusquely against his lips. “Shh. Shut up. Not right now. We have to calm him.”

 

“Wait, so what happened?”

 

Hakuryuu flushed. “He… He’s jealous that we kissed.”

 

“Well how are we supposed to fix that?” Judal squawked. “I can’t unkiss you!”

 

Nodding sadly, Hakuryuu took Judal’s hand, squeezing. “No, and I don’t want you to. We’ll talk to him. My two sisters are right behind us, they can help.”

 

Judal twisted. “Hey Hakuryuu’s sisters, what’s good?”

 

“Again. Later.” Hakuryuu couldn’t help answering tersely as the thing approached. The closest thing his mind could parallel to it was a gazelle, but there was something horribly wrong with every joint, every angle of its body, and pits like cold stars shone out of his brother’s new, nightmarish face. The only consolation he had was the pulse in Judal’s palm, the way it made him feel powerful. 

 

“Hakuryuu, do something!” Kougyoku shuddered, the soft, white insects around her whipped into a frenzy. 

 

Keeping his hand in Judal’s, Hakuryuu approached, one step at a time, a sensation of vertigo crashing over him. “Kouha. If you can hear me… I am sorry, okay? I am sorry for living my life when yours is behind you.” He didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, but that was the way it came out, and Judal snickered beside him, “Ohh, he did not like that one bit.”

 

He would have to try harder. “I swear, if you calm down, we can talk again, just you and me. It’ll be okay. You have every right to be angry and bitter, I know.”

 

The creature bent to swing a massive rack of horns down at them. Hakuryuu could faintly hear his sister screaming, the shock pushing his consciousness through the floor. But impact never came; he felt a current of ice tearing through his veins, frostbite bridging the connection between his hand and Judal’s, and Judal was staring Kouha dead in the eyes, holding him still by what seemed like sheer force of will. 

 

“Ryuu, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing but it’s working.” Judal muttered quickly, trying to keep his lips as immobile as he could. 

 

Just then, Kouen strode down the aisle to the left, his jaw set. “Kouha Ren, I have never been so disappointed in you.” He worked out the words deliberately, placing them at the monster’s feet. And just like that, Kouha stepped off, shaking his antlers. He backed into a display shelf, knocking a mannequin to the floor, before bolting like a hunted elk. 

 

Hakuryuu was briefly awash with calm, which was quickly overtaken by pain. He leaned heavily into Judal, his vision flickering like the lights above, a sharp tearing wracking his body and worsening with each passing moment. Something like terror flashed over Judal’s face. “What’s wrong? What’s happening? Did he hurt you?”

 

He found himself struggling to answer. The sheer intensity of it took the air from his lungs. “... he’s trying to break our connection.” He rasped. 

 

“What happens if he does?”

 

“I don’t know, but I’m guessing something bad.” Hakuryuu wheezed. 

 

His remaining siblings, all four of them gathered, shared a look. “We’ve been thinking about it ourselves,” Hakuei folded her arms, “and it really can’t be good. When we get farther from you, things start to look darker. Even the sun gets a shadowy tint to it. If he breaks the connection… He’ll probably be free to do whatever he wants, which frightens me with him in that state.”

 

Hakuryuu remembered nodding, remembered Judal grabbing the things from his cart, remembered being half-carried, half-dragged to the car, his body paralyzed with nausea. Judal set him down in the passenger’s seat, tugging his seatbelt on. “Listen, Ryuu… I’m going to drive. If we find your weird ghost brother, you’ll be more connected to him, right? And then you’ll stop feeling so sick-” his voice broke and he paced away from the car. “Hakuryuu, I’m trying so fucking hard not to worry but I really like you and you mean a lot to me and this is a lot and I need you to be okay.” His words echoed back through the darkness. 

 

“I wish we could talk to him. Now that he knows.” Kougyoku phased into the car somewhere behind him. “This would be so much easier.”

 

Judal slammed the driver’s side door heavily, taking the keys out of Hakuryuu’s pocket. “Okay. It’s gonna be okay.” He put his hand to Hakuryuu’s shoulder, sighing. He turned, looking around at random. “Scuse me, if there are any ghosts in here, I’m gonna fix this I swear, so please don’t be too mad at me?”

 

Barely conscious, Hakuryuu forced his eyes to stay open. He had been through far worse, he reminded himself. He had to trust Judal now, Judal who drove like a madman and seemed not to know what a turn signal was, and frequently misplaced the brake. And so he watched, unseeing, visions blurring over his pain-glazed pupils. 

 

First came Kouha the gazelle, dashing down a haunted road, stretching the tether between them almost to the breaking point, like a piece of chewing gum. He railed hard against it, even as Judal closed the gap at 90 miles an hour or more. Marching along in the dark was The Fool, leapt off his laminated playing card, and behind him, The Hanged Man, a pendulum beckoning Death on his horse, and behind him The Wheel Of Fortune, churning along like a waterwheel, eating up the future. Falling down through the abyss, a metal crane, grabbing at peaches, which rolled down a wooden staircase, where his and Judal’s names were carved into every step.

 

He fell deeper. There was his own face, staring up at him from a diner placemat. Deeper still. He floated on the ceiling of a hotel room draped in blue darkness. His body lay curled on the mattress, a faint smile on his lips as he slept, and there was Judal beside him with a heartbreakingly tender look in his eyes, folding him closer into his arms. 

 

With a jolt, he stood in Morgiana’s meadow. She was there, and, startled, she looked up. “Oh Hakuryuu… This doesn’t look good.” She gave him a wary look. “There’s a tension on your soul. Like you’re being pulled in half.”

 

Hakuryuu frowned, looking down at the buzzing rift in his torso. “I guess you’re right. What can I do?”

 

“I don’t know… but if you make it past this, you might come out stronger.” She smiled, but only with her eyes. “I can’t see what you see anymore. I can’t feel Kougyoku right now either. If you break from this, I’ll never see the true Kougyoku again. If you can, would you tell her-” The meadow fell away in tatters of sunlight. Hakuryuu fought, clawing up through what felt like magnetic sand. 

 

“Kougyoku.” He managed to move his body, mouth opening and closing. “Morgiana misses you.” He could only just catch her expression of bewilderment before being sucked back in. There was Judal again, pushing his cart through the rainy parking lot, Judal searching for his roll of duct tape, Judal in a campground shower stall with a wilting leaf twined between his fingers. He was back in the Walmart, watching Judal kiss him. No, he was Judal, and his heart was pounding and he found too many unspeakably delicate emotions in himself to count. 

 

It was raining. It was nighttime, and the graves were laid out in neat rows forever, little white headstones like baby teeth. “You’re all grown up.” Came a voice. Standing over Hakuryuu’s family plot were three men, all floating. One was very tall and middle-aged, and the other two dressed in simple combat fatigues. Lightning poked through the clouds, silently, illuminating the faces of his brothers and father.

 

Hakuren grinned, holding out a hand. “Yeah, and you finally decided to pay us a visit.”

 

Lightning flashed again, and Hakuryuu’s father looked up at the sky. “Yes, but… there is still so much to be done. Now that you can see us, promise you’ll come back eventually? We miss you.”

 

Hakuryuu nodded, dumbly. “... I missed you too.”

 

His family disappeared at the third lightning strike, leaving Hakuryuu to drop back into his inky free-fall. He was in his old house, and his mother was awake, watching television. She stared straight through his body, her hair wet as if from the shower. He wanted to look away. He wanted to be sick. But he looked on, and as she slowly faded from view, he felt some of the deep rooted anxiety she had left in him dissolve. 

 

The fall was slowing, a strange wind keeping his mind afloat until he was merely drifting, like Alice down the rabbit hole. The contents of Judal’s backpack hung around him in stasis, toys and popsicle sticks, CDs and candy and make-up. The pain lessened. He came to a stop, and there was Judal himself, his eyes glowing an unnatural red, black insects resting on his shoulders. He smiled brilliantly as Hakuryuu touched down. “See? I told you you’d be okay.” He said, softly, holding out his arms so that Hakuryuu could embrace him. The blackness was instantly warmer, instantly enveloping Hakuryuu in a feeling of adoration like he had never known.

 

He sat bolt upright in the car, grabbing at his own chest, feeling the fabric of his shirt as a solid thing. He could breathe. The agony was lifted away, only a faint sense of that tearing void remaining in his gut. Judal was no longer in the driver’s seat, and the car was stalled in the middle of the road. “Where is he?” Hakuryuu gasped, dizzily turning to the backseat, where his sisters and brothers sat, enraptured by something happening beyond the windshield.

 

“Hakuryuu, look.” Kouen nodded his head. “He’s there.”

 

In the road ahead, his back lit up by the headlights, Judal approached Kouha. His hands were raised, and though he was not speaking, the gazelle was lowering his antlers, allowing Judal to touch his forehead. The air warped, like heat above asphalt at noon, and the creature was gone, leaving only a ghostly human crumpled on the pavement. Hakuryuu burst from the car on wobbly legs, staggering over to them. “Judal, what did you do to him?”

 

Shaking, Judal grabbed him around the waist, holding him up just before his legs could give out. “I don’t know, I don’t know. It was like I could talk to those bugs floating around him. He’s so jealous of you. I just… had a conversation with them. I asked them to accept what happened.”

 

Hakuryuu groaned, pressing his face against Judal’s shoulder, the familiar brush of cold overtaking him as his siblings rushed past for their brother. “Ju, I am so tired. How long did that take? I saw so many things. I saw my father, and brothers. I-”

 

“Shush your pretty face, we’re going back to the hotel. We can talk when you wake up, okay?” Judal looked down at him, worry etched into his irises. “I was so scared.”

 

“Me too. But I can’t rest just yet.” He tugged away from Judal, passing between Kougyoku and Koumei to kneel before Kouha, who sat, horrified, his hands balled into fists on the tarmac. 

 

“I don’t know what I was thinking.” He sniffed. “I don’t… I am so sorry…”

 

Hakuryuu found it strangely easy to smile. “Kouha, it’s fine. Siblings fight all the time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see this chapter as a massive turning point in the story, and you'll see why next week! This is where the change from fantasy to surrealism also really starts picking up... As well as Judal and Hakuryuu's relationship!
> 
> Once again, I hope you're enjoying the story and thank you very much for reading up to this point :)


	17. Chapter 17

Hakuryuu could barely keep his eyes open on drive back to the hotel; somewhere along the lines, he fell asleep in the passenger’s seat, exhaustion and confusion finally overwhelming him. He felt strangely comfortable letting Judal handle the car, he realized, as conscious thought failed him. He really did trust him.

 

The next time he opened his eyes, he found himself face to face with Dandelion. The parakeet’s cage was perched at the edge of a red, wooden bedside table, The Princess Bride lying beside it. He blinked, suddenly aware of a powerful throbbing in his temples. Dandelion chirped softly, cocking his head, and Hakuryuu couldn’t help but crack a smile. Everything seemed normal, the room bathed in gentle gold light from behind the curtains. Minding his head, Hakuryuu sat up, slowly. Where was Judal? Or his siblings, for that matter?

 

It was noon. Way past checkout time. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he peered towards the door, which was unlocked. He wasn’t worried; rather, there was a profound sense of peace blooming around him like a bud just beginning to open.

 

He wasn’t ready to get up, so he laid back against the pillows, letting the night before slip through his mind in remembered fragments. Kouha, becoming something so much more than human. Their nearly-severed bond. Seeing both of his parents again, in that dream-world the pain allowed him to visit. And, most prevalently, Judal kissing him.

 

Kissing him! Hakuryuu had to clap his hand over his mouth. Had that really happened? Or was it all in his head? Perhaps Judal really had kissed him, and by the time morning came, he regretted what he’d done. Why wouldn’t he? Groaning weakly, Hakuryuu pressed a pillow over his face. It was too embarrassing to think about. 

 

“Hakuryuu? Are you awake for good? We didn’t want to crowd you while you slept.” Kougyoku’s voice was muffled through the pillow, but still audible. Hakuryuu blinked back into the light just in time to watch Kougyoku drift upwards through the floor. “Oh, you are! Guess where Judal is!” She slid onto the edge of the bed, grinning.

 

He shrugged. “I don’t know, probably fleeing to Canada.”

 

“Nope. He walked down the street to the Toys R Us. Not totally sure why. But Kouen was on the floor below, cause there was this business conference he wanted to watch, and he saw Judal go over there.” 

 

“Is Kouha okay?”

 

“I don’t wanna jump the gun, because we thought he was okay a few times when he wasn’t, but honestly? I think he’s going to be fine. I don’t know what would’ve happened if Judal wasn’t with us.”

 

“And where is everyone?”

 

“Eh, scattered around. Mostly on Kouen’s little field trip to the conference room. I went to the indoor pool. Did you know we can walk on water now? We don’t pass through it unless we want to.”

 

Hakuryuu nodded, wincing. “My head is killing me…” She didn’t respond to that. Maybe she felt like there was nothing she could do. 

 

Instead, she laced her fingers together, squeezing until her ghostly knuckles turned white. “Yeah, so, what did you mean last night? I didn’t even know you knew Morg. Or… did you ever meet her? I’m just confused. Where is she? Did she talk to you?” Her voice wavered a little, but she sounded somewhat hopeful.

 

“I have to confess something first.” This had to be done. “You can be super mad if you want, I won’t even try to defend myself. A few nights ago, I read some of your diary, so I didn’t meet her while she was alive, but because… Okay, this is really complicated. So because I read about her, and because Judal was here, she can talk to me? When I dream?”

 

He would’ve expected her to be furious, or cry, or even run away, but his sister only stopped him with the upturned palm of her hand. “She talked to you? Where is she?”

 

Hakuryuu shifted, uneasily. “I don’t know. I’m guessing it’s where she died. Anyway, she told me I could break her bond. She wants to come find you.”

 

“A-and did she say anything else? About me?” She was leaning forwards on the mattress now, everything about her unguarded and hopeful. 

 

“Not that I can remember right now, but she really wants to see you again. Whenever she talks about you, it’s like she gets softer, somehow.”

 

Kougyoku leapt on him, crushing him in a hug like a monsoon wind. “I’m gonna see her again! I know you totally invaded my privacy and under any other circumstance I would be livid but thank you!”

 

Hakuryuu struggled, shivering, feeling like he trapped in a wind tunnel. “Any… time…”

 

As her emotions quieted, so did the blasts of frigid air. Kougyoku rolled off the bed, a brilliant smile on her lips. “Are you going to do it? Break her bond?”

 

“Obviously.” He sat up, smoothing his shirt (the same one he had worn the day before) and running his hand back through his hair. “If I can figure out how. I don’t have the hang of this stuff. I don’t know what I can do.” He contemplated telling her about seeing his father and brothers, but decided to keep that particular experience bottled up until he needed to recall it. Hakuei, who had been much closer to them than Hakuryuu, deserved to know first.

 

“So like, what are you?” Kougyoku peered at him, curiously. 

 

Judal took that exact moment to enter, letting the door swing shut with a jolt behind him. “So you decided to wake up, huh? What’s going on?” He piped, dumping two bags onto the bed and tossing Hakuryuu his wallet before scooting up beside him, flinging his shoes across the room. 

 

It was a real relief to see him again; if he wasn’t already turned off by kissing him, Judal should have run for the hills the moment Hakuryuu’s secret had been voiced aloud. “Not much. I was just talking to my sister. Heard you went to the toy store.”

 

“Yeah, and I got you breakfast too. I figured you’d be like, crazy hungry.” Judal placed the smaller bag in Hakuryuu’s lap. “I couldn’t decide whether to ask for bacon or sausage on your sandwich, so I just told them to put both in there.”

 

As soon as Judal mentioned it, hunger pangs jolted Hakuryuu. He barely had breath enough to mumble a thanks through his mouthfuls of sandwich. As he ate, Judal opened the other bag, tearing the tape off a box for a brightly colored toy. Hakuryuu wiped his mouth, squinting. “What is that?”

 

“Okay, so, I know you can use a Ouija board to talk to ghosts, but they didn’t have that at Toys R Us, so I got the next best thing!”

 

“A Speak and Spell?”

 

“It’s the same thing!”

“You know if you wanted to introduce yourself I could just relay what they’re saying back to you.”

 

“Or how about that’s really boring?”

 

Hakuryuu snorted, hiding his grin behind the sandwich. “Whatever. Go for it.”  
Kougyoku giggled. “If he really wants to do this I’ll play along. He’s taking it so well.” 

 

Judal slid a few batteries into the toy, turning it on. “I saw a movie once where they did a seance, but this is different so… Hakuryuu’s sister, if you’re still around in here, hi? Your brother is kind of a dork. I bet you’re cooler. What can ghosts even do?”

 

Her fingers jumping about on the tiny buttons, Kougyoku typed a return message onto the screen. ‘My name is Kougyoku, but I think you’re a dork too. So you’re perfect for him. Just float and move through stuff mostly, and I’m pretty sure nothing scary while we’re attached to Hakuryuu the way we are.’

 

Judal laughed. “This is so cool! So you couldn’t possess me?”

 

‘I’ve never tried, but I really doubt it.’

 

“Okay, okay, now tell me something really embarrassing about Hakuryuu!”

 

Hakuryuu supposed he would deserve this after having read her diary. He did his best to hold himself back while Kougyoku hammered out a response. ‘I heard Hakuryuu has a huge crush on you. That he thinks you’re cute.’

 

“Aw, tell me something I don’t know!”

 

Feeling a little over-heated, Hakuryuu swiped the Speak and Spell away. “I think we’re done with that, thank you very much.” He grumbled. 

 

Instantly dismayed, Judal grabbed for it. “That’s no fair, I just wanna know everything about you!”

 

“Then you can ask me! Not my sister!”

 

Judal surrendered, rolling his eyes. “Okay. I will ask you then. Later. You gotta finish eating.”

 

Kougyoku began to sink back through the floor. “I’ll give you two space. Plus, I gotta tell the others you’re okay!”

 

Feeling like he’d dodged a bullet, Hakuryuu ate the last few bites. “So uh. About last night. You kind of kissed me.”

 

“I know. I meant to. I’d do it again, too.”

 

“But what does that mean?”

 

“You know, not everything has to ‘mean’ something Ryuu. I have a hunch I’m awful at this kind of stuff.” Judal frowned, looking nervous. “But I know how you make me feel, and I like it, and I like being around you. I want to stay with you wherever you go. That’s what… that’s why I did it.”

 

Hakuryuu leaned forwards to hug him, resting his forehead against Judal’s shoulder. “That’s more than okay with me. I’m bad at this too. Maybe I’ll get better the longer we’re together.”

 

He hoped that his siblings wouldn’t decide to come back for a long while. He was still so tired, and the longer Judal held him, the more the pain in his head dissolved. 

 

***

 

Months and months ago, on a late Spring afternoon, Kougyoku had just finished her 50 meter dash at the second-to-last track meet of the school year. While everyone else was gearing up to leave for college, Kougyoku had been praying for an extension on the school term. Just a little more time before she had to become a full-time partner on her step-mother’s farm. It was a perfect evening, though. The setting sun, hidden behind a row of pine trees, had transformed the backdrop of sleepy clouds into a pink ivory blanket. So far, the other team was losing, and badly. As she walked from the track back to the bleachers, the loveliness of it all was enough to distract her from the inevitable. 

 

The metal was cool against her thighs as she settled down on the bleachers, taking a long sip from her, by then lukewarm, water bottle. Tiny gnats hung in clouds in the air, and as the runners for the next event, the relay, took their places, Kougyoku allowed herself to be mesmersized by their buzzing. She returned her attention to the when Morgiana lined up with the others, taking the last position; she was always the anchor. 

 

She was effortlessly pretty, even in the heat. Kougyoku couldn’t take her eyes off her as she stretched, the muscle in her upper arm taught and powerful as she raised it over her head. Her hair looked almost aflame in the slanting patches of light from the setting sun. How could someone be so stunning without even trying? Kougyoku wondered, chewing her lip. 

 

The starting gun popped, a plume of smoke rising above the track. Kougyoku leaned forwards, watching the first three pairs of runners round the track. Morgiana finally tensed, ready for the baton. At the last second, she looked up towards the bleachers, her gaze landing on Kougyoku. As the rod was passed to her, she tossed a smile up to where Kougyoku sat, before taking off in a blur through the twilight. She was exhilarating to watch, thought Kougyoku, watching her tear down the track. She rounded one turn, then another, and just when it seemed like she would slow down, she hit the final stretch with a speed boost that made Kougyoku’s heart leap. 

 

It was too foolish to just watch and wait for the right moment. Everything was coming to an end, she realized, watching Morgiana dance across the finish line. If she didn’t do something today, who was to say there would ever be a right time? Morgiana was flushed in her victory, her dark skin shining, looking more animated and gorgeous than ever. She climbed back up the bleachers, a smile on her lips, eyes alight, and Kougyoku found she had no idea what to say. 

 

“So, did you see? While you were running, I think a few stars came out.” She pointed into the dusky purple sky with a shaking hand.

 

Morgiana sat beside her, following her finger. “Hm. I think that might just be a satellite.” She murmured, appraising the cosmos. “See? It blinks a little.”

 

“C-congratulations, by the way! You were really good, and if we didn’t already have a win, now we do for sure!” Kougyoku managed, just barely holding down a flustered squeak. 

 

“I wouldn’t give myself that much credit.” Morgiana replied, but the smile she wore was almost smug now. 

 

The sureness of Morgiana’s expression was encouraging. Perhaps this was the right moment, after all, if such a thing could be said. Slowly at first, so Morgiana could have a chance to move away if she wanted to, Kougyoku placed her hand over Morgiana’s. “I had fun watching you. When you run, I get the same feeling as I do when I look at art. The way you move is so powerful, Morg. You’re… amazing.” 

 

Morgiana turned her hand, giving Kougyoku’s a squeeze. “I don’t know what to say about that.” She answered, her words stiff with honesty, but her irises wide with hope. “But when I see you doing what you love, I think I get the same way. When you’re happy, I get this indescribable feeling.”

 

“Is it a good feeling?”

 

Laughing softly, Morgiana nodded, her ponytail bobbing. “The best. Just tell me what you wanted to say in the first place, okay? I can tell you’re holding back.”

 

Kougyoku placed her free hand on Morgiana’s shoulder, turning her worries away; her breath light and shaky, she gave Morgiana a single kiss on the lips, moving away before more than a second could go by. But Morgiana was not having it. She leaned along with Kougyoku, refusing to let the kiss break.  
Kougyoku felt that kiss for the rest of the evening. Even when the meet was over and she was home, alone in her own room in her own house, she still tingled with excitement. She had done it! And now maybe she had a girlfriend. While she hadn’t yet placed that word on the table, she felt confident that it wouldn't be a longshot for them to become a real couple. That night, she’d poured it all into her diary, every thought she couldn’t voice to her family staining the pages forever.

 

On August 12th, Kougyoku, her body ruined and far away, looked on as her brother practically fell into Judal’s arms. She had said she would let them be, but since Hakuryuu had, in effect, been spying on her, it was only just that she spy on him too. 

 

She hoped with all her heart that nothing more would drop onto Hakuryuu’s shoulders. There was too much resting on him already; if he and Judal could stay together for as long as they make each other happy, she thought, some of that heaviness might leave him. 

 

But then, there was Morgiana. Who she was certain she would be seeing again. What would she say to her now?


	18. Chapter 18

“We’re lost. This isn’t a false alarm, we’re really actually lost.” Hakuryuu stared down at his phone, but the sattelite map was too pixelated to read. “I thought I knew where we had to go, but I must’ve taken a wrong turn.” They’d checked out of the hotel an hour ago, and under a brilliantly hot sun, promptly gotten misplaced in the West Virginia foothills. The same trees and hills and outcroppings of stone passed them time and time again, putting Hakuryuu into a dismal mood. 

 

Judal, meanwhile, was having the time of his life. He held the Speak and Spell into the backseat, his grin peeking over the headrest as he twisted his seatbelt into oblivion. Kouen finished typing something, settling back. “Hakuryuu, I gave Judal a message for you.” He said, before turning back to look out the window.

 

“Hey Ryuu, Kouen thinks you should pull over and find higher ground. For better service.” Judal read off the screen. 

 

“Well can you tell Kouen to just speak to me like a normal person? Because I don’t need to use you as a liaison for the rest of this trip.” He tried to make eye contact with Kouen through the rearview mirror, but all his siblings conveniently had their eyes averted. It wasn’t a bad idea though, and Hakuryuu eased on the break, riding up on the grassy shoulder. “We should split up and look. I’ll go with Judal straight through the trees, and the rest of you fan out.” Shutting off the engine, Hakuryuu left the cool interior of the car for the kiln-like heat of the outdoors.

 

Before they quit the hotel room, both he and Judal tried on their binders. It worked fairly well on Hakuryuu, evenly contouring his chest in a way that caused him very slight discomfort. It felt so good to wear something actually meant for binding. Now that he’d had a taste of it, he never wanted to go back. Judal had preened like a peacock in his, and obviously experiencing a shift in confidence, he’d chosen to wear a crop top and the second shortest shorts Hakuryuu had ever witnessed on a human being. Judal hopped out of the car on his heels, shuddering. “The grass feels so weird on my legs, I probably have fifty bugs on me already.”

 

“We’re gonna go this way!” Kouha tugged Kouen along a raised knoll, passing through clumps of dried daisies. In the mid afternoon light, his face took on an opaque hue, and through all the doubt and sadness, Hakuryuu knew his sibling was the same as ever. He nodded, watching them go. Koumei and his sisters picked out a path through a barrier of weeds, disappearing under the forest gloom.

 

Hakuryuu smiled, stupidly. “It’s just us now.” That excited him to no end. He cursed himself for it. “And there are no bugs on you. I’ll check in the car for bug spray if you care that much.”

 

“No, no, false alarm! Here, gimme your phone so I can wave it around.” Judal gave his thighs a final inspection against insects before straightening up, holding out a hand. Hakuryuu, feeling bold, placed his hand in it. 

 

“You can wave it around when we get there, I don’t want to waste battery.” He said, almost curtly, satisfaction rising in him at the sight of Judal’s pout. Giving his hand a squeeze, he made for the woods, stepping over a pulpy tree trunk. 

 

Judal returned the pressure. “You can stop bullshitting me now, y’know.” He said, conversationally. 

 

His face pink, Hakuryuu jumped. “Bullshitting you about what? I haven’t lied to you about any of this!”

 

“But you did lie to me.” Judal paused to watch sunlight shimmer through the pale leaves of a poplar tree. “You told me you were going to California, but you gave it away, yeah? You hesitated too long before answering. So where are you actually going?”

 

“I have no idea.” Hakuryuu answered, truthfully. “At first this was just to get away from my mom, and maybe help my siblings too. It seemed to easy to just leave, but now I realize I’ve got no clue what I’m doing.” He cracked a grin. “But it’s okay, right? To not know?”

 

Judal laughed. “Ryuu, I never know what the fuck I’m doing! Never! I just do what feels right to me. Because of you, I have a purpose now. I’m honored to wander aimlessly. As long as I’m with you.”

 

“How can you just say things like that?” Hakuryuu muttered, lightly brushing his thumb up the side of Judal’s hand. Doing what felt right was paying off.

 

“Like what?” Judal’s eyes revealed nothing but innocence, but his crooked moon smile said otherwise. Hakuryuu shouldered on through the trees, his shoes squelching in the loamy soil. What were the technicalities of flirting again? Judal was weirdly unattainable; definitely out of Hakuryuu’s league, and yet here they were.

 

A few minutes later, the shadows of the forest cleared once again, open space leaping out to a distant and blurred treeline, yards and yards away. Eating up the entire clearing, a shallow pond glimmered beneath unrelenting rays of sunlight. Lilypads speckled its surface in a scene pulled straight from impressionist painting, and ringing it all, deep banks of verdant flora. A bullfrog croaked, splashing into the water, madder silt rising from the bottom. Looming on the skyline, iron smokestacks burst upwards to seek the heavens, black birds diving and whirling about the towers in a cloud. Before Hakuryuu could recover from the sheer beauty of the scene Judal, who did not much appreciate it, was already tossing away his sandals and making a break for the cool water. “It’s so cold! It feels fucking awesome!” He crowed, kicking up miniature whirlpools. “It’s not deep at all but damn, you’ve gotta get in on this.” 

 

Judal would not let up, capering in the shallows and scaring off a long-legged bird from the reeds, so Hakuryuu went to meet him, leaving on his sandals in case some water-dweller decided to bite him. Judal was right; the water was icy cold, and flushed pink lilies brushed his legs as he waded out towards him. 

 

“I don’t even remember what we were doing before, but who cares?” Judal skipped through the shallow swampland, his braid dancing behind him. “Can we catch frogs? I’ve never done that before. Oh, look, butterflies!” He stopped to watch a pair of periwinkle butterflies flutter around a clump of white flowers. Near them, dragonflies lounged on the lilypads, ornamented wings glinting like stained glass.

 

Hakuryuu paused, a memory surfacing. “Hey Ju, do you know the legends about dragonflies?”

 

“I totally don’t, but if you tell me, I’ll be sure to remember.”

 

“My older brother used to tell me dragonflies were messengers to Heaven. He said that if you tell a dragonfly your wishes, it will take them up behind the clouds and they’ll be granted. These remind me of him.” He bent down quietly, trying his best not to disturb them. “I can’t think of anything to wish for right now. But they are pretty.”

 

Judal lowered himself next to Hakuryuu, holding out a finger to the lilypad. One of the dragonflies twitched, clambering onto his knuckle. “Your loss. I have a ton of wishes. Now turn around, cover your ears or something, or they won’t come true!” Hakuryuu faced the other way, humming loudly to himself while Judal told the captive insect whatever it was he could have been wishing for.

 

“There. All finished.” Judal lifted his hand, and the creature buzzed off. “I see an island over there, wanna go check it out?” 

 

Hakuryuu stopped humming, squinting through the dazzling light. “Yeah, I see that too. Now I’m curious. I say we go look.”

 

On their way to the island, Hakuryuu though he could see Kouha on the near shore of the pond. He was sitting in the grass, and Kouen was by his side, and from the way their mouths moved, they had to be talking. It was such a peaceful scene that it put an automatic spring in his step. 

 

The island in question wasn’t very large. It was more of a sandbar, dotted with thin silver trees and reeds that clung in the sand. Judal flopped down on the small beach, feet still in the water, sunning himself. “I wanna build a house here and stay forever.” He sighed. 

 

“Too bad that’s probably illegal.” Hakuryuu chuckled, sitting near him. The sand was fine, and stuck to his exposed calves in a thin layer. “I’d like to live in a place like this. It’s so removed.”

 

Judal wiggled his fingers in the sand, and as a gentle breeze came off the water, teasing what hair escaped his braid, he was unfairly pretty. “How about in a castle? Or in a cave in the desert? Or the basement of a hotel?”

 

“I could really go for any of those, if you ask me. Or just a normal house in a small town somewhere. Maybe college. I’m still thinking about all that.”

 

“Maybe this is your… uh, what do they call it… gap year? You can get your shit together next Summer. For now, who cares? Just do what you wanna do, Ryuu, not what you feel obligated to.”

 

“What I want right now I’m not sure how to ask for.” Hakuryuu murmured. Was that too cryptic to be real flirting?

 

Judal tilted his head, reciting briefly from memory. “Your heart is a secret garden, and the walls are very high, Prince Hakuryuu.”

 

“Hey, that’s from The Princess Bride! You remembered that just by hearing it once?”

 

“Usually stuff like that just goes in one ear and out the other, but every once in awhile, something sticks.” Judal leaned back proudly, and Hakuryuu followed his sway. No, flirting was definitely not his strong suit, but if Judal really wanted him to follow his own whims, who was Hakuryuu to deny him? 

 

He cleared his throat softly. “I want to kiss you. Probably more than once.”

 

Judal’s lips curled delightedly. “As you wish.”

 

Kissing was definitely more technical than Hakuryuu had assumed before the previous night. Cautiously, blood roaring in his ears, he managed a single, carefully placed kiss before Judal wrapped both arms around him, pulling him down sharply. Hakuryuu gasped, but Judal’s lips stopped his breath. He twisted in the sand until he could be where Judal wanted, which happened to be right on top of him. 

 

Judal huffed in chastisement of his poor skills, moving back. “You move a little too strongly, I think. Softer is better.” He touched Hakuryuu’s mouth, three fingers against his lower lip. Unconsciously, the touch caused the tightness to flow out of him, and if Judal couldn’t tell how moonstruck he was before, he suspected the look on his face would give it all away any second. Judal trailed his fingers away, leaving Hakuryuu dizzied, insides liquidated. Apparently, this weakness made him a better kisser after all; even he would admit this felt worlds better than what he was doing before.

 

“How come you’re so good at this?” Hakuryuu murmured, touching the side of Judal’s long, pale neck. With every passing moment it because clearer just how talented a kisser Judal was. Whatever he was doing right, Hakuryuu was melting in his arms. 

 

Smiling slyly, brushing his lips against Hakuryuu’s beauty mark, Judal gave a lackluster answer. “Ryuu, I don’t kiss and tell. Maybe I’m just gifted.”

 

“Or maybe you made a deal with Satan to be good at kissing.”

 

“Okay, you’re cute when you talk, but you’re cuter kissing me, so can we get back to that?” Judal threaded his fingers through Hakuryuu’s hair, amusement and longing both showing in his crystalline eyes.

 

He was more than happy to. He made a silent plea that none of his siblings would interrupt this. Clumsy but still wanting, he parted his lips at Judal’s next advance, sinking for him like bones in a tar pit. He could feel Judal’s breath hot on his cheek, soft tugs on the uneven strands of hair he had twisted in his fingers, and maybe best of all, Judal’s low hums of approval; or was it pleasure? 

 

They wound down slowly, Hakuryuu slipping off Judal’s waist to lay beside him in the sand, letting Judal curl against him. “Wanna know what my wish was?” Judal asked after some minutes of warm silence had ticked by. 

 

“But if you tell me, won’t it break the spell?”

 

“Nah, nah, I think we’re safe.”

 

“If it’s something sappy I’m going to the other side of this island, by heart can’t take any more of this today.”

 

“Oh, good, cause I wished you’d get stuck in the mud and drown.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course not. I wished this trip wouldn’t end.” Judal was the soft and vulnerable creature once again, a child misplaced and lonely, bright lights haunting him. Hakuryuu held as still as he could while Judal traced his scar tissue, starting with a thick, shining patch on his forehead and following the violent path flames had torn over his nose and cheek. 

 

The scar was such an ugly, painful thing to look at, but Judal opened his mouth again. “I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” And with every word the scars felt less terrible. When Judal, all uncharacteristic tenderness, kissed the violet burn streaking across the bridge of his nose, he had to twist away from him to hide his expression.

 

“Why? Why do you like me so much?” Hakuryuu asked.

 

“You make me feel like a person. Plus, I can relate to you like no one I’ve ever met before. There’s such a stick up your ass sometimes, but that’s just part of the Hakuryuu charm! And uh, you can see ghosts! You’re a clairvoyant! Or something.”

 

Hakuryuu squirmed. “That’s… that’s gay.” He muttered, sounding a bit like Kouha. 

 

“Psh, that’s the point.” Judal sat up, brushing silt off his back. “Wanna look for frogs now?”

 

Judal made Hakuryuu equal parts excited child and sentimental adult. He was happy, he found. So much of the resentment built up like splinters inside him had turned soft; and while too much of it remained, it was almost too easy to nod his ‘yes’ and wade knees-deep into weeds and cloying mud. Running away, he reflected, was probably the best choice he ever made.


	19. Chapter 19

“Why didn’t you tell Hakuryuu anything about her?” Hakuei drifted over boggy soil, feet hardly gracing the surface of the marsh. “You told me. You were upset. And then it was our secret. Did Hakuryuu even know her name?”

Kougyoku shook her head. “You don’t get it. I liked Morgiana, but I didn’t have any right to be upset. I only knew her for a month, and by then I was just trying to stall for time before mom’s farm became my life and I had to accept my adulthood. Hakuryuu had his own problems. He didn’t need mine too.”

“I knew she was your friend.” Koumei added. “But if there was more to it, I didn’t know. I was buried in work from college by then. If I’d known why you really stopped talking about her, I…” He trailed off, focusing on a wilting tussock of ferns. 

Kougyoku swung her foot at a skunk cabbage. It connected, and the plant’s stem burst like an artery, stringy veins of vascular tissue tearing open. “I’m sorry, okay? I only told who I had to. It made her dying seem less real.”

“When Hakuryuu and I were just children, we lost everything.” Hakuei reminded her. “Your sadness would have been just as real to him as it was to me. And in the end, it didn’t change you. At least, I don’t think. You kept that romantic heart of yours. If Hakuryuu brings you two back together, you’ll have another shot.”

“Hakuryuu is a funny kid.” Koumei snorted. “He’s always been stepping up, trying to take on responsibilities. Our fears. Mom’s hate. He thinks he’s an adult. He’s always been carrying something on his shoulders, and since we died, it’s been all our corpses.”

That silenced his sisters, a fire-blanket smothering their conversation. Hakuei recovered first. “He has no privacy and too much responsibility.” Across a low stream, choked with string algae, the bank of a pond pressed against swampland. Hakuei drifted down, standing on its flowered surface. “He’s been telling us he’s grateful we’re still here, but it doesn’t matter. We should have been long gone by now.”

“It’s the way we died.” Kougyoku muttered. “Hakuryuu will always be halfway between life and death. Because of us.”

“You know what the worst part is?” Koumei let the question hang. “Is that it hurt for a while, but for me, dying was such a relief. When I was alive there was just too much. Now it’s calm. Simple. I just wish if it had to be this way, I felt worse about leaving my life behind.”

Kougyoku hugged her brother tightly from behind. “That’s not a bad thing! It just means you’ve accepted it more than the rest of us have! Sometimes I still think I’ve alive, and I’m about to wake up on Mom’s farm and go to work. I’m jealous of you, that you can make that peace with yourself!”

“Are you sure?”

Hakuei’s feet made ripples on the water as she turned back. “To be honest, I feel the same. It’s unfair, and I know it. There was so much I still had to do. So much we were all striving for. But time makes it hurt less… for Hakuryuu too, I know.”

“Is it strange I get the feeling he’s happy?” Koumei sighed, but did not shake his sister away. “Because we picked up that man?”

“They’re friends! Everyone needs a friend to recover. You can’t start feeling better alone. We make a poor excuse for friends.” Hakuei smiled, sadly. “Besides, Judal likes Hakuryuu, and vice-versa. I think they make a sweet pair.”

“Oh, they’re definitely more than just friends.” Kougyoku laughed. “We’re just going to have to try staying in our lane. This thing he has with Judal is just theirs. We’re not part of it.”

Koumei nodded. “I think they’re probably up to something right now, let’s be real. But we should leave them to it.”

***

Kouha laid back in the grass. “I’m like, less jealous now, but still jealous, you know what I mean? You’re the adult here Kouen, you’re the only one of us with a Master’s degree and an actual apartment. I mean, you used to have those things. If anybody to convince me not to be a total asshole, it’s you!”

Quirking his lips in a slight smile, Kouen shook his head. “The problem with that is you’re not an asshole. If we’re counting in friends and loved ones, you were actually the most successful sibling. You had a million people in your life. Hakuryuu has one… Judal.” He finished, unsure how to give Judal a fitting epithet. 

Snorting, Kouha concealed a grin. “I don’t really envy him in that department. At first it was kinda funny to watch Judal bother him. I just miss everyone. I feel like I failed by leaving them alone. But if Hakuryuu is running around with that guy, I’ll try to be happy for him.”

“They’re an odd couple, for sure. I thought Hakuryuu might like someone a little more upstanding. Judal did save you, though, when you became that thing. I think Hakuryuu might see something of himself in him. Who can say on what level they relate?” 

“It’s an edgy romance for the ages!” Kouha laughed. “They can go to lame concerts together and go on dates to Hot Topic. Definitely less jealous now.”

Kouen made a face, his jaw tensing. “What was that band you liked? Blood at the Party? Something about blood and dancing?”

“Nope! Stop talking! I’m not reliving that!” Kouha clapped his hands over his ears. “I was young! We all make mistakes!”

“No, it was Blood on the Dance Floor. For sure. I prefer what Hakuryuu listens to.”

Kouha rolled over in the grass, some blades flattening while others poked through him. “You’re such a jerk, but thanks for being here, I guess. I was so used to being other people's’ constant, I forgot how to be there for myself. You’re my family. I know it would be better if I asked you guys for help.”

“Exactly.” Kouen placed a hand on Kouha’s shoulder. “It’s okay to rely on us sometimes.”

***

Judal fell down spectacularly in the mud, but his popped back up with a grin on his dirty face and a fat bullfrog in his hands. “Look at this motherfucker! He tried to run, but he couldn’t escape!” Judal pranced out of the mire. The frog’s eyes bulged in confusion, long legs kicking in the air. Hakuryuu wobbled, off-balance, trying to brush hair out of his face without smearing mud all over it. The way Judal had sprung for the creature had been impressive. The bullfrog was his Moby Dick; they’d spent twenty minutes chasing it through the shallows.

“I’m looking alright. We already have a pet, we’re not taking him with us too.” Hakuryuu slogged closer, feeling his sandals stick in the muck. “But we can carry him around for a little while.” Judal was probably only half-listening as he held the frog up, presenting it to Hakuryuu like a cat giving its owner a dead mouse. There was something in his lazy grin that signalled he wanted Hakuryuu to be proud of him.

The look faded swiftly. “Wait, Ryuu, weren’t you telling me a story or something?” Judal frowned. 

Hakuryuu noted the frog was staring at him in roughly the same trajectory Judal was. Now that he had an audience, he sighed. “I kind of was, but don’t feel bad, okay? Catching this little shit was worth holding off.” 

Judal pursed his lips, thinking. “So, re-cap, your sister had a girlfriend for like a month and then she died? And now she wants to get back together? And you can make that happen?”

“I mean, it’s only been two years, give or take. Morgiana sure seems to think I can. But all I know is that I can see ghosts. You’re the one with all the extra talent!” When faced with a befuddled look from Judal, Hakuryuu plowed on. “You piloted a motorcycle perfectly after reading one Wikihow page. You won a skill crane on the first try! And that’s not even touching all the supernatural stuff you can do! When you’re near me, my siblings get stronger. Whatever those little insects are, you can communicate with them! You saved my brother from what he was becoming. Any little thing you want comes to you. Being around you is… it’s like a dream sometimes. A good dream, don’t get me wrong!” He could feel his face glowing. 

By the time he finished, Judal and the frog wore the same bug-eyed, dazed expression. “Hakuryuu, I don’t know how I do those things.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s not like I’m really special. I… I don’t know what to say. Except, how can you not see yourself in the same way? You’re all the things I’ve wanted to be since I got out of my mom’s house. I’m shit with words, so I can’t give you justice, but you should really see yourself. You make me feel like someone’s finally listening. I know I’m not the easiest guy to get along with, I expected you to get sick of me right off the bat, but you saw right through it way too quickly.

“You’re generous, you’re steadfast, you’re caring and real.” Judal, acutely distressed, gave Hakuryuu a pleading glance. “I want to be honest.”

Hakuryuu knew what to say. “You know what I think? You’re perfect the way you are. We can be perfect together too.” He spoke without weighing the words, letting their connotation drop into his heart only after he spoke them. “You hurt, and so do I. The kind of pain we know doesn’t ever leave completely. I think you’re the only other person in the world who understands me. I think I understand you too.”

The boy holding the bullfrog, his bare feet sinking in the mud, wearing a crop top he’d stolen from a strip-mall, lowered his head, tears streaking in thin lines down his cheeks. The boy standing across from him, face and hair spattered in murky silt, skin torn up in a topography of past agony, had only one arm to embrace him with. 

There was a moment of perfect clarity, Hakuryuu watching his life as an impartial juror would accept the evidence of a trial. They were two open wounds, raw and stinging, Judal crying softly, Hakuryuu’s eyes welling until he could hold his own tears back no longer. Still, he tried to wipe the teardrops from Judal’s face, only succeeding in smearing his mascara. Too many emotions, too long unacknowledged. Overcome, Hakuryuu wept, holding Judal up, Judal keeping him on earth. 

No, he wasn’t just imagining watching from outside his body; he was in two places at once. He floated, weightless, at the same time as he and Judal embraced. He was untethered, like he had been in the dream world of Kouha’s attempted escape. Judal’s insects floated around him, working themselves into a storm. “Judal,” he made his body speak, voice watery from crying, “what are they saying?”

“Fuck if I know.” Judal murmured, resting his head against Hakuryuu’s, closing his eyes.

The cloud of insects hummed. “Excuse me… I have a favor to ask.” Hakuryuu spoke quietly, from his other, vaporous body. “Take me to Morgiana Fanalis. And free her. Please.” He saw Judal, suddenly, a long-limbed child with tangled hair, curled on a couch covered in plastic sheeting. The insects perched on him, wings and thorax twitching ever so slightly with his breath. A feeling of loneliness consumed Hakuryuu, so complete he felt he was drowning in it, before he stood in Morgiana’s meadow.

He didn’t see so many chains before, but suddenly they were everywhere, looping from Morgiana’s ankles to the trunks of trees and down into the ground. In hardly a second, the insects devoured them. In another, he was taking Morgiana’s hand, at the same time that Judal released the frog, cradling Hakuryuu’s body. They were running, and she was so much faster, following a ribbon of black insects miles and miles through space. Judal was frighteningly delicate in his arms, and he had to support his body with all the strength he could muster. 

Dizzied and gasping, Hakuryuu snapped back from duplicity, his head pounding like he’d driven a nail through it. Judal yelped, steadying his shoulders. “Ryuu, what’s wrong?”

Hakuryuu reeled, leaning into him. “N-nothing’s wrong I just- Need a minute.” He shook his head, trying to dispel the spots parading across his vision. “Morgiana? Are you here?”

She didn’t answer him, instead twirling around and around on the surface of the pond, her face turned up towards the swirling blackbirds. “I’m free!” She laughed, spreading her arms wide. “Hakuryuu, thank you!” Her voice was still soft, but her words carried triple the emotion they had last time they’d talked. 

“Is she here? What did you do?” Judal’s perfect eyebrows cinched together. He quickly wiped the last of the tears from his cheeks, rubbing the mascara lines with his thumb. “Dammit, no one was supposed to see me all ugly and crying but you, Ryuu!”

“I did. Don’t worry, she’s not looking at you. She’s so happy to be free from the place where she died.” Hakuryuu lent a hand, fixing the last of his makeup smudges. “I don’t know what I did, to be honest. It was like I was two places at once. I talked to the insects, just like you did, and they actually listened to me!”

Judal kissed his cheek. “Maybe I told them to listen to you without knowing it? They take commands in a super literal way… wait, dammit, my frog got away!” He cried, backing out of Hakuryuu’s embrace, but it was too late; the bullfrog had already hopped off into the reeds. 

Hakuryuu snorted, laughing weakly. “Ju, it’s gone, don’t bother.” 

Morgiana froze, squinting at something on the other side of the pond. “It’s her!” She murmured, her face lighting up like a Fourth of July sparkler. Kougyoku burst from the trees on the other bank, her feet skimming along the pond water like a skipping stone. They met in the middle; there was no hesitation, Morgiana lifting Kougyoku and spinning her in the air. Hakuryuu’s sister squealed audibly, embracing Morgiana so tight it would have choked a living girl. Their red hair shone like firelight in the Summer glow, and even from his distance, Hakuryuu could sense their joy like a physical thing.

Waving a hand in front of Hakuryuu’s eyes, Judal cleared his throat. “You look like you’re gonna cry again, tell me what’s going on!”

“They just look so happy is all.” He smiled, grabbing Judal’s hand and holding it tight. “Morgiana’s been alone for god knows how long. They really missed each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought this chapter was sappy and gay, let me tell you, that's exactly what I wanted :^)


	20. Chapter 20

Hakuryuu wiped his phone screen liberally against his leg, clearing it off completely, only to find that he still had no bars, and only ten percent battery. He slumped down, breathing out through his nose. “I totally forgot why we went out there. I got so caught up…” He needed a shower, and possibly a long nap. Pond muck clung to his skin and in his hair, pockets of sand lying dormant in his clothes. Judal seemed none the worse for it, his impossibly clean feet perched back on the dashboard. The only thing altered was his makeup, leaving his eyes softer and brighter. 

“What? That’s why we pulled over?” Judal laughed. “Shit, we were lost, right? It doesn’t matter, let’s just go somewhere. You’re a mess, Ryuu. You’ve got leaves in your hair!” 

Yanking down the mirror, Hakuryuu raked at his hair. Bits of dried leaves broke up into smaller pieces, but remained stubbornly trapped. He huffed in frustration, slumping back. “They won’t come out!” Judal laughed again, but hardly lifted a hand to help. 

Single-file, four ghosts piled into the back, Hakuei and Kouha taking the first row, Kouen and Koumei the second. Hakuryuu shifted. “Where’s Gyoku and Morgiana?”

“In the trunk!” Kougyoku piped from behind the last row of seats. Sure enough, if Hakuryuu boosted himself up on his knees, enough to see over them, he could spot two heads of red hair. 

He sighed, slipping down. “That’s fair.” They deserved some time to themselves. After all, they hadn’t talked for two years, give or take a few months. If he just kept driving, he’d end up somewhere. Hopefully somewhere had a motel with vacancy.

Judal fiddled with the radio, switching quickly between stations. “Why is it all country?” He grumbled.

“Believe it or not, most of America listens to country music. It’s the American way. For some people, this kind of repetitive, twangy song is their idea of a Top 40 hit.”

“But it’s so bad! There’s no effort in it! The hook of this song is literally ‘She thinks my tractor’s sexy’!”

“There are a ton of hypothetical women who get turned on by tractors. Tractors are a power stance in the midwest. Some towns have tractor parades. Bring your tractor to school day.”

Judal shook his head. “I won’t believe you. I’m not even listening. These are evil, mythical places.” He shuddered dramatically, pulling his legs back to his chest. “I don’t wanna hear another word.”

“It’s too late Judal, now I get to tell you all about tailgating and what a wonderful tradition it is.”

“You’re so cruel!” Judal pretended to faint, throwing one arm over his eyes like a victorian damsel. 

Not five minutes later, Hakuryuu, completely by chance, came upon a traditional L-shaped motor hotel. Judal recovered, peering through the windshield at the place. “Not to burst your bubble or anything, but this looks like a place where gang members hang out… It gives me the creeps. This better not be a Super 8, I have very bad experiences with Super 8.” 

Hakuryuu opened the door, shaking out his sandals into the gravel parking lot. “Talk about spoiled. You were living in a shower stall a week ago. This place has color tv.” He shot a look at the sign, which was flickering sadly in the orange light. “It’s not a Super 8 though. Fireside Inn. Can you get the stuff? And the bird?” Why had he ever agreed to purchase an animal was beyond him. Judal seemed perfectly happy to stick his arms right through Koumei and grab the cage from the middle seat. 

Whether Kougyoku and Morgiana joined the rest of the group in a room was up to them, he thought, checking for his wallet before crossing the lot to the rental office. They needed space, and he was more than willing to give it to them. He’d have to skirt around the pair for a while. 

Inside, it was cold, and a little dry. There was probably a dehumidifier somewhere. Unsurprisingly, Hakuryuu could see a bar and pool table through a double door; though, for the moment, the space was uninhabited. Walking quickly through the slight darkness (there was only one working lamp, standing next to the check-in desk) Hakuryuu felt a sense of unease creep over him. It was subtle, the feeling he’d forgotten something, like a toothbrush or a pair of shoes. 

An ice machine rumbled cantankerously beside the desk, which was unmanned. Hakuryuu tried not to startle at the sound, peering over the scratched wooden surface. “Hello?” He asked softly, before wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. This was the sort of place people got killed in in horror movies. He could’ve wandered onto the set of The Twilight Zone by accident, he briefly considered. Had they shot the show on location? 

After an eternity of anxious waiting, there was sound behind the counter. A door Hakuryuu hadn’t quite spotted before in the darkness creaked open, a girl about his age stepping up to the counter. “Hey, sorry to keep you waiting, we usually don’t get people coming in until way later.” She smiled, opening a laptop on the desk. Seeing her put Hakuryuu at ease; if someone tougher-looking had come to greet him, he might have gone into cardiac arrest. But her face was cheery enough to settle his nerves. 

He pulled out his wallet, fingers resting tentatively on his debit card. She typed something into the computer before looking back up. “I’m Mariam, if you need anything while you’re here, you can come down and ask for me. What’s your name? Do you want a room with one bed or two?”

“One,” he said, on impulse, “and I’m Hakuryuu Ren.” 

“Can you put your pin in the system?” She turned the laptop to face him, and he complied. “I don’t wanna be too nosy, but what are you doing in this area? Usually people are just passing through, but it’s interesting to know.”

He shrugged. “This and that, y’know? It’s safe to say I don’t have a plan.”

She stopped him, frowning at the screen. “I don’t think the information on this card matches the name you gave me. Can you tell me again?”

A flash of panic went through him. Right. “Uh, okay, so. I don’t really use the name that’s on there. This probably sounds really weird, but I don’t even like to hear it. Or say it. Or see it.” Her arms, he realized, were as well-muscled as Morgiana’s legs. She could probably put him through a wall if he caused trouble, or acted any more suspicious than he already was. 

Mariam sighed. “You’re lucky I came to check you in, and not my brother. He doesn’t like foul play around here. Shady people get the boot sometimes. Can you at least give your date of birth?”

“June 14th, 1998.” He let himself breathe. “Do you two own this place?”

“Yup. I mostly handle money and reservations, but my brother takes the bar at night. It gets crazy in there sometimes, it’s not a simple job.” She straightened up, tucking an escaped dreadlock behind her ear. “You’re all good. Are you on vacation? I would say a business trip, but you’re not really dressed for that type of thing.” She chuckled.

Hakuryuu flushed, trying to wipe a little more mud off his face. “You’d be right. I’m on a road trip. There’s just so much to see out here.”

“I think I know what you mean. Once me and my brother and his best friend went to New York City. There were so many small things I saw along the way that were so beautiful, and now whenever I think about it the memories are this perfect mix of surreal and nostalgic.” She slid his card back across the counter as the ice machine rumbled again. “Well, good luck, Hakuryuu. Your rooms are on the second floor, third door from the left.” 

He took the key she offered him, along with the card, and nodding gratefully, backed out of the lobby. Not so bad. He found Judal on the sidewalk, tapping quickly into the Speak and Spell before handing it over to Hakuei, whose brow was furrowed with the effort of holding such a large physical object. “Ryuu, your sister is so nice.” Judal leaned back, watching the device float in midair. “I can’t believe you guys are related!” Hakuei blushed a little at this, waving a hand. 

“That’s mean even for you. I’ll have you know she can be very cunning when she wants to be.” Hakuryuu lifted Judal’s backpack and his own, jimmying them up onto his shoulder. “Our room’s up on that balcony. Third from the left side, I think.” He resigned himself to carrying the first batch of luggage by himself, but at the last second, Judal abandoned the Speak and Spell, lifting Dandelion’s cage and an armload of carry-ons. The stairs were metal, and a tad rickety, wobbling under Hakuryuu’s feet as he climbed, but the room itself was welcoming, if simple. 

Judal appraised the small space, nodding appreciatively, before setting down his things and scrambling up onto the bed, where he began to poke at the plaster ceiling. Hakuryuu couldn’t hold back his laughter. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Making sure we don’t have another Super 8 incident.” He huffed, prodding in systematic rows. 

“I’m not gonna ask. I’m taking a shower now, and it’s gonna be a long one. Can you take the rest of the stuff up?” He tossed Judal his keys, which he caught with ease. 

“Sure, sure, take as long as you need, Ryuu. I’ll just be out here, hanging out with ghosts. Which is awesome.” 

Hakuryuu smiled, shaking his head, dragging his backpack into the small bathroom. He’d only been wearing his new binder for a few hours, but it felt insanely freeing to peel it off and just breathe. The water wasn’t as hot as he’d have liked it to be, but it did the job, and before long, a grossly large amount of pond muck and leaves clung to the bottom of the shallow basin. He did his best to wash it all down the drain, but some of it was very steadfast, and he had to settle for wiping it out with a wad of toilet paper. 

He stretched on the bath mat, trying to look at himself in the full-length mirror without cringing. He would be in this body potentially forever. He had to at least try to get used to it. If he somehow got the 65 thousand dollars the internet estimated full transition would cost, he would still be scarred, still be just a part of a whole. He was starting to miss his arm less, but the involuntary ache remained. Maybe he would never fully accept that it was gone, or that it hurt, but he would have to adjust, to acclimate to living a full life with only one hand. 

At least it hadn’t been his dominant hand, he thought, gratefully. Left hands were useless anyway, in all respects. He towelled off and, sliding his muddy clothes into the front pocket of his backpack, retrieved a fresh pair of shorts and his sleeveless hoodie. Wiggling back into the binder was somewhat easier the second time around. 

There was a sudden pop, Judal cursing loudly. Pulling his head through the hole of his hoodie, Hakuryuu burst through the door stumbling back into the room, where he found Judal dumping the complementary water into the microwave. “I forgot you can’t put forks in the microwave.” He explained, looking sheepish. “It only sparked a little! No fire, I swear.” He fished a microwavable TV dinner out of the apparatus, dumping it in the trash, but slipping the fork into his backpack. “It was in the mini-fridge, and I got really hungry!”

Judal looked so genuinely remorseful that Hakuryuu had to let it slide. “It’s fine, it was an accident after all. Nothing we haven’t all done once.” Gingerly, he shut the microwave door, before lying back on the bed. “What should we get for dinner?”

“Raccoons.” Judal said, abruptly, but before Hakuryuu could object, he held up a finger to stop him. “There was a raccoon in the ceiling at Super 8. It fell on me in the middle of the night.”

“Ew, what did you even do?”

“He was surprisingly chill. I herded him into the bathroom until someone could come get him. Also, none of the TV channels came in, so…”

“Did you at least get your money back?”

“I don’t remember!” He laughed. “Okay, but seriously, I want ice cream.”

“For dinner?”

“Why not? It’s fine, we ate a ton of healthy shit yesterday.”

“Jell-O isn’t healthy, but fine, let’s go get some ice cream.” He sat back up, flattening his hair. “Are my siblings around?”

Judal played with the end of his braid, thinking. “Hakuei talked to me for a while before. But if you can’t see them, they’re not in here anymore. We aren’t going far, right?”

“I thought we could check the bar, so no, not far at all. They’ll probably have some.” He reached over, picking a strand of grass out of Judal’s bangs. “Now we’re read-” Judal closed the distance, kissing his nose. Hakuryuu, still completely unused to casual affection, blushed, averting his eyes. He wanted to return it, though… before Judal could reach the door, he grabbed his hand, holding it close, gracing the back side with his lips. For the moment, it didn’t matter how awkward he was. Only that he was doing what felt right. 

Judal blushed, keeping his eyes facing front, as though that would hide the pretty shade of red that tinted his cheeks. A few days ago, Hakuryuu wouldn’t have thought it was possible to make Judal blush, but maybe he just liked Hakuryuu that much. The thought was at once perplexing and heartwarming.

He wanted more of whatever they had. He wanted to give it a name. 

***

Kougyoku had started to think it would take a little time before she and Morgiana could act like the old days again, but as it turned out, being with her felt natural almost instantly. It was a new world. A fresh chance. Strangely enough, she’d never felt more alive than when she’d first spotted Morgiana across the pond. 

“How does it feel to be untethered?” Kougyoku asked, holding out her arms as she walked along the edge of the slightly angled roof, weaving between patches of thick tar and crooked shingles. 

Morgiana walked the spine of the roof, not even bothering to use her arms for balance. “I feel so much lighter. I can do what I want, make my body obey me. You’re bound to a person, but it would probably be the same for you if he broke the bond between you too. While it’s there, he’ll always have some form of control over you.” She looked up, frowning. “Not that it’s a bad thing to want to stay connected to him, just, you know-”

Kougyoku wobbled, nearly stepping in the gutter. “No, it’s okay! I think I’d like to be free too. And if I can still see him and be near him, even if I have the option to go far from him, I’m content doing it. Just not now, not yet. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

At the end of the roof, Morgiana stopped, legs together like the prow of a ship. “Being able to move again… it almost feels like I could fly right now.” Though she was facing away from Kougyoku, the smile she wore was plain in her voice. Feeling daring, Kougyoku hopped up the roof, embracing Morgiana from behind. Unlike tangible objects, unlike Hakuryuu, Morgiana’s body felt perfectly solid, and Kougyoku knew if her heart still beat, it would be racing.

“I don’t want you to go flying off anywhere just yet.” She murmured. “I h-haven’t gotten to see enough of you.” 

Morgiana stiffened sharply, before easing in her arms, giggling. “You surprised me there…” She held Kougoku’s hands tightly in her own, strong, brown fingers tangling with long, smooth ones. “Now that you’re here again, I want to get to know you. What you’ve been doing for these past two years. And I want you to know me too. That way we can be together properly.” 

“Y-yes, of course! I want nothing more!” Kougyoku stammered, hiding her face. 

Twisting, Morgiana released Kougyoku’s hands, only to retake them, pulling her ever closer. Her face shone with a brilliance Kougyoku had never seen in it before, like she’d swallowed the moon and its light poured from her skin. “It’ll be like before. But better this time.” Her wide lips curved upwards.

“You’ll be my girlfriend, right?” Kougyoku blurted, the words geysering out of her. “I never got to ask you that when we were alive, but now do you think… it’s okay?”

Morgiana’s eyes gleamed, fever-bright. “...yes.” She replied softly, standing on tiptoe to kiss her cheek. 

It was exactly like Kougyoku had always imagined romance being. The sky was aflame with divine sunlight, and it was only too easy to wrap her arms around Morgiana’s waist, letting their lips meet. While neither of them were skilled, the sheer warmth of the kiss was more than satisfying. Morgiana was reserved, likely only out of shyness, and when they parted, she clung to Kougyoku, taking shelter in the crook of her neck. 

“You got so much taller than I last remember you…” Morgiana finally spoke again, peering up at her. “When we were eighteen, we were even. But you got to keep growing. Did you hit another growth spurt or something?”

Kougyoku flushed. “Maybe I am a little tall.” About a head taller, probably more, now that she considered it. “But you could still outrun me. I’m as tough as a toothpick, Morg.”

This made her flush with pride, reburying her face in Kougyoku’s embrace. “Can we stay like this for a while longer?”

The insects were back, whirling pink around them like flower petals. “For as long as you like.” Kougyoku beamed, feeling as though she, too, could fly. 

***

Hakuryuu had heard the phrase ‘toe-curling’ before, but hardly considered he’d experience pleasure so intense. After all, he was undesirable, as people went, and there was far too much else on his plate to give thoughts like that the time of day. But as it happened, Judal was ignorant of the first fact, and the second didn’t much matter anymore. Irreverent to the last; that was Judal.

Judal kissed him desperately, as if they only had a minute more together, and not potential thousands. His conscious mind dulled, Hakuryuu acted with one need; to have Judal as closely, as wholly as he could. In the backseat of the SUV, his back pressed to the leather, Judal’s kisses rousing a fierce ache just beneath his skin, Hakuryuu let his body speak for him. He tugged Judal onto him, tilting his head to adjust the kiss as they came crashing together, chest to chest, thighs against thighs. 

As Judal moved away, from his lips to his neck, Hakuryuu closed his eyes out of sheer embarrassment and let himself moan. In any other situation, he would’ve been mortified to make that kind of noise, but since only Judal could hear him, it would be alright. He shuddered, pushing Judal away, enough to look him in the eye, touching his lips (so red, they had to be painted), catching his own breath. What could he say? “Keep going.” He grabbed one of Judal’s hands, moving it to the hem of his shorts. 

Judal’s fingers brushed up to his navel, feeling every inch of his skin, hiking up his hoodie, triumphantly tearing it off him. Hakuryuu looked down, blinking in confusion. No, that couldn’t be right. He gently touched his flat chest. There was no breast tissue to be found. “Wait a second, Judal-”

In bed, still wearing his clothes from the day before, Judal curled around him from behind, Hakuryuu woke with a start. It came rushing back in an instant; they’d gone to the bar, bought four tubs of ice cream from Mariam’s brother, Cassim, watched Jeopardy re-runs until two am and somewhere along the lines, passed out amid the empty ice cream containers. Humiliated, he grabbed a pillow, sighing heavily into it. Of course that had been lurking in his subconscious. 

Did he, personally, want to sleep with Judal? The lingering arousal the dream had left in his system told him yes, as did Judal’s arm, wrapped around his waist, fingertips dipping below the hoodie. But at the same time he felt so afraid, more so than in the dream. He wouldn’t be a good partner, that much was certain. He would undoubtedly mess something up, or make it a bad experience. Maybe Judal wouldn’t even like what he saw. Hakuryuu was a virgin. What if Judal wasn’t? He considered. What if he made such an idiot of himself, Judal wouldn’t even want to finish? He had to breath. He would just repress it all. 

Succeeding in calming himself, Hakuryuu tried to relax. If it was bound to happen, rather later than sooner. They still had so much to figure out. He decided not to bring it up. If Judal himself did, that was another story. Matching his breathing with Judal’s, Hakuryuu sank back into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this fic is only going to get exponentially gayer and sappier from here
> 
> ALSO happy Hanukkah/ merry Christmas for everybody who's celebrating right now!! :)


	21. Chapter 21

There had been a bright white light on Judal’s face. Well, he explained, it probably wasn’t that bright, but his memories were fucked all to hell anyway, and since he was going to open up about it, it might as well be now, when everything seemed sort of correct. 

There had been a bright light on his face, and a crinkly white sheet of paper on the table where he sat. His mother stood next to him, keeping a strong, youthful grip on his shoulder. “She’s been experiencing this delusion,” she explained in broad tones to the doctor, who scribbled on a notepad, “that when I married my new husband, we left her alone on my estate. It’s… it’s very confusing for me. I’m sure it is for her too. It’s more clear to hear her explain it.”

Judal sat up a little straighter, knowing it was his time to convince them; if the doctor believed him, everyone else would have to. “I woke up and she was gone! And there was nobody there at all! I couldn’t leave because I didn’t know when they’d come back! But I wasn’t all alone, there were bugs and things I could talk to! Just… no people.”

His adoptive mother pursed her lips. “That’s just the problem. We left her with a team of nannies, and regular deliveries to the house. I didn’t expect to be gone for years, but I had faith she’d be well taken care of.”

“You forgot me.” Judal accused, bunching his hand in the paper, his long fingernails tearing it.

He was positive she had, and all the therapy was just her way of covering it up. By labeling the truth as a delusion, she directed pity towards him and blame from herself. There had been no nannies, and whatever he had, the black insects helped him find. He was just learning to be uncomfortable in his own skin, just enough that his own name made him flinch. “Also, you guys aren’t using my real name. It’s Judal.”

The doctor, who was probably only trying to help, took a seat near the table. “That’s an interesting name. Why would you think it’s yours?”

“That’s what the bugs told me! They would crawl all up and over my skin, and they’d tell me where the tastiest food was left and what time the Oxiclean commercial comes on!”

In the present, Hakuryuu couldn’t help but laugh. “Judal, the Oxiclean commercial was so boring.”

Judal huffed, slumping down. “I liked watching the stains go away! Now are you gonna let me tell the story or not?”

The doctor nodded, sympathetically. “Right, of course. Now, how big were the bugs?”

“You’re only encouraging it.” His mother hissed, but Judal responded anyway, gesturing with his thumb and forefinger to indicate the wingspan. 

“And they could talk to you? Did they have mouths?”

“No, they were all black, like shadows. I could hear them in here.” He tapped the side of his head. “They really loved me.”

The doctor nodded again, standing up to address his mother. “I think it would be best if we took her to inpatient for a little bit. Just to see if we can figure out where she’s getting these ideas from, or if it’s a sign of mental illness. You know how imaginative kids can be sometimes. If things get worse, we can always prescribe medication.”

“I don’t think any of that will be necessary, but thank you. I’m sure I can knock her out of this on my own.” Judal felt himself snatched up. “Perhaps regular appointments will do. Thank you.”

For a few months after that, mentioning his experience was forbidden. He was even punished for doing the things he’d gotten used to during his mother’s absence, like drinking directly from the sink and sleeping underneath the bed. The black insects had deserted him, and he was at her mercy. The new husband was bland as men went, and Judal was sure there a million men on earth with that same crew cut and lukewarm smile. 

It was almost a blessing to be forgotten about again. Once he was forgotten, he could leave the house and its thousand rooms and strange faces behind. Nothing ever seemed real there, Judal felt, once he’d tasted the real world. 

***

“I think it was brave of you to tell me that. Really, I don’t know how I would.” Hakuryuu shook his head slowly. “But it wasn’t lonely?”

Judal shrugged. “Nah, I always had the bugs. For a while I felt like there might even be other people in the house watching over me. It was a huge place, for all I know there was someone else there, sneaking around just under my nose.”

Hakuryuu shuddered. “That’s too weird. Are you sure you’re okay with having said all that? My siblings were listening too.” Well, all except Kougyoku and her new girlfriend, who were hunkered down in the trunk.   
“Eh, I don’t really care anymore,” Judal mumbled, trying to appear nonchalant, “it’s not that big of a deal. Just good old childhood memories.” He trailed off, staring out his window, his expression muted. It was pouring rain outside, and they drove along golden fields, sunflowers and grain buffeted by the storm. The clouds were cartoonishly dark, tumbling over and under each other, and Judal fixed his eyes on them. 

Hakuei made a face. “Now Hakuryuu, I know you don’t want relationship advice from me, but I believe this would be the time you comfort him, maybe?”

Of course he wanted to comfort him, but what could he say that would make an experience like that look any brighter? “Ju, it’s okay.” He settled for saying, pulling over. Now that his hand was free, he reached for Judal’s shoulder, trying for some physical reassurance, but his hand closed on nothing; Judal had already leapt from the vehicle into the downpour, plunging into the field. Hakuryuu had no choice but to wriggle out of his seat belt and follow him, doing his best to shield himself from the rain. 

Was it just him, or was Judal laughing? He could hear the sound echoing back at him through whipping plant stems. At first he thought maybe Judal was too upset to face him, but now he was unsure. 

His questions were answered shortly. As Hakuryuu emerged from the taller grasses into a plot of waist-high grain, he struggled to take in what had to be a Coca-Cola vending machine, standing alone and lit as brightly as a fallen star. Judal was laughing, his arms raised to the storm, his braid dancing in the gale. “I knew it! See Ryuu, I told you these damn things are everywhere!” 

Just a tad shaken, Hakuryuu went to him, hugging him tightly around the middle. “You worried me,” he managed, above the rush of wind, “I didn’t know what to think. I know it’s difficult to dwell on it all, but promise me you’ll try to be honest about it?”

Judal only laughed again. “Hakuryuu, I’ve been more honest with you than any other person in my life. Now do you have any change? I’m in the mood for a cherry coke.”

Turning out his pockets, Hakuryuu passed Judal a dollar and twenty five cents. He wouldn’t bother himself with trivialities like ‘where is it plugged in?’ or ‘who collects the money?’ or ‘who restocks the soda?’. Thinking about it would make it less real. He didn’t need that. 

“Do we have bingo yet? In our game?” He asked as Judal took the first long sip of his drink.

Judal thought, swirling his coke like a wine-taster about to sip a stately aged white. “Nope. We’re close, though.” He slung one arm over Hakuryuu’s shoulders, starting a meandering path back through the plants. 

“What else do we need?” Hakuryuu stole the can out of his hand, taking a sip. It was ice cold, with just the right amount of bubbles. 

“An amusement park and/or carnival. Oh, and a surprise. I’ll take care of the surprise though, don’t worry your pretty head.” Judal cooed. 

“Hm. Maybe I should drink all of this.” Hakuryuu threatened, raising the can back to his lips. 

Judal huffed, snatching it back. “Oh no you won’t, I paid good money for that!” 

***

“Maybe we should turn around.” Hakuryuu sighed as they drove on through the rain. “Think about it. We don’t have to run that far away, just… far enough. Plus, all my registrations are only good in Pennsylvania.” He turned to Judal in the semi-darkness. “What do you think? This is just as much your journey as it is mine.”

Judal chewed thoughtfully on the last of his lollipops. “This is gonna sound so cheesy, but I’m okay with whatever you choose. As long as you’re there.”

Kouen made a noise of malcontent in the backseat, making an attempt to fade into nothingness. Koumei scrunched his nose, simply shaking his head. Hakuei and Kouha had no such common courtesy; they leaned forward as far as they could go, hanging on to Judal’s words.

“You’re being watched, you know. I think whatever we’ve got is my siblings’ new entertainment. It’s their version of a soap opera.” He said loudly, trying to be sure they heard him. Whatever happened to leaving well enough alone? “Anyway. You’re sure that’s what you want? To follow me?”

Judal crunched the candy with his back molars, nodding. “If that’s fine with you, or whatever. Is it?”

“It’s totally fine with me, I’ve just never had anybody say something like that to me. It’s nice.” 

Leaning over, Judal rested his still-damp head on Hakuryuu’s shoulder. “Mm. When are we gonna finish the Princess Bride? I was really getting into it!”

“I think we’ll make one last stop tonight. One last hotel, and we’ll finish it there. But tomorrow I think it would be best to try and get as far back to Pennsylvania as we can. We’ll take a different route, of course.”  
“We can drive through the night, right? We’ve never tried before. I kinda wanna see the sunrise on the road.”

Hakuryuu measured the pros and cons, only to find that the only real con was staying up all night, and that’s what coffee was for. “That sounds perfect to me.” He smiled, letting his breathing and Judal’s fall once again into sync.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was so short!! I lost my laptop charger and had to wait for another one to come in the mail before I could write again! Regardless, the next chapter is gonna be Really something, I can't wait for next week! 
> 
> Also.... if I haven't already mentioned, the story is almost over! There are about four chapters left! It's crazy to think I've been working on this for over 6 months. Another serious thank you to everyone who reads it, just seeing the number of hits tic up is really encouraging :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up.. This chapter has smut in it! It's towards the end, just so anyone who may feel like skipping it knows! I feel like I've improved at least a little :)  
> Any feedback anybody has for me would be Greatly appreciated!!!

The storm did not let up. As the afternoon grew long, the lightning reached feverishly for the earth, time and time again clawing for purchase on the hills and in the valleys. 

“This is just my two cents, but you should get off the road, Hakuryuu.” Hakuei looked anxiously back at the spray of water thrown by the tires. “It’s really not safe. Your headlights really aren’t too bright either. I bet there’s a hotel close-by, you could stop off early.”

“We’re calling it quits already today.” Hakuryuu had been nervous on the road before, but this new downpour felt particularly inauspicious. “I want a nice hotel this time, something fancy, maybe with a restaurant inside.”

Judal cocked his head. “Why an actual restaurant? We can always get room service again.”

“Because I’m taking you on a date, that’s why. A real, stereotypical date. We can make it an early dinner, and then go for a walk around the place.” Some part of Hakuryuu was afraid Judal would turn him down. What if a real date wasn’t his speed? 

He only snickered, the teasing quality sneaking back into his voice. “When will you pick me up? You better bring flowers and chocolate, I have very high standards. If my corsage isn’t fresh I’m gonna have to turn you down, you know how many men I’ve got on retainer.”

“Oh, shut up. Is that a yes?” Hakuryuu took the next exit, a thin pass lined by the ever-present billboards of the American roadside. A coming attractions sign pointed him along. Hopefully his good luck with hotels would hold up.

“Yes, it’s a yes!” Judal rolled his eyes heavily. “I’d have to really be losing it to turn down a date with you.”

Hakuryuu blushed, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. He could think of no response that wouldn’t be thoroughly humiliating on his part. He refocused his attention on the road, making a sharp turn beneath an underpass.

Out of the fog burst two mountains, one peak sheltering the other, a pitch black ribbon of water spouting from between them. It took all of Hakuryuu’s concentration not to slow the car for a better look. There was too much to take in, from the lush green island rising from the center of the river, to the low stone bridge spanning it all. A hundred streetlights glowed the orange of a sunset as Hakuryuu crossed, momentarily transfixed by the view. Judal found himself similarly distracted, pressing his face against his window to stare up the twin slopes. 

“Ryuu, do you think other colors mean things too? There’s more than just black and white. Like orange, what about that?”

“I think…” Hakuryuu looked up at the lights, a vanguard of will-o'-the-wisps fending off the storm. “Orange is divinity. Just the feeling that there’s something powerful out in the world, some supernatural force.”

“What about blue?”

“It kinda depends. Some blue is nostalgia, but in a good way. Some blue is memories of being lonely. It’s a cold color, but it can be very loving. If you get what I mean.”

“Yeah, I think I see. And green?”

“Summer, warmth, family, togetherness. Green is a good color, for me. How about pink?”

Judal had to consider this one. “Soft stuff. In nature. Like flowers and clouds and butterflies. It’s about love. And safety.”

They left the river behind, following a slick paved track up another hill. Up above, Hakuryuu could spot a row of buildings. “It’s a Holiday Inn Express, I saw it on the sign back there.” Hakuryuu pointed up to a many storied building, signature green H a brilliant beacon in the rain. “Oh, yeah, I agree though. Pink is safety. And love.”

***

Judal had taken both key cards and locked himself in the room the moment Hakuryuu had let his guard down. His siblings were nowhere to be found, and all of his things were in the last set of bags Judal had ferried up to the third floor. He had no choice but to haunt the doorway, knocking intermittently. Whatever he was up to, it had better be good, because he wasn’t answering for anything. 

Eventually, Hakuryuu gave up, sinking down on the wall near the door. Maybe Judal didn’t want a real date, after all. Mulling over his words, he got back to his feet, knocking once more on the door. “I’m sorry, if this is awkward for you or something it doesn’t have to be a real date, I mean I only-”

Judal flung the door open, leaning on the frame. “What? Keep your pants on, I wasn’t gonna show up for our date looking mediocre. I had to get ready! Some people have no patience.” He sighed, shaking his head. He definitely did not look mediocre; in the ten minute time span he’d been locked in, Judal had redone his makeup in shades of soft red, somehow made his hair shine like it had been freshly washed, and changed into high waisted shorts and a worn t-shirt that had probably been adjusted with scissors to bare his midriff.

“You’d be breaking a thousand high school dress codes right now, you know. I love it.” Hakuryuu said, once he’d stopped gaping. 

Taking Hakuryuu’s hand, Judal led the way to the elevator. “It’s called high fashion, Ryuu, and no one appreciates it anymore!” He hit the button for the lobby, and Hakuryuu noted that his fingernails were cut and painted. How quickly had he managed that?

The restaurant was just off the lobby, and blessedly, Hakuryuu had no interruptions from any prying family members as he secured a table near the back windows. There was a spotless view of the river down below, and the mountains spread like a priceless tapestry, watching over it all. He gazed out at the scene, the mountains thrown by the thunderhead into a shadow so deep, Hakuryuu had to squint a little to discern their outlines. “Great place to build a hotel. I wonder how much it cost to build it here. There must be a ski resort or something nearby.”

“Can you draw? Paint? Even just a picture of all this would be cool.” Judal suggested. 

Retrieving his phone, Hakuryuu snapped a few pictures, before going back to look at his gallery. “Oh, look at this, it’s that picture we took at the waterfall! My siblings showed up in it… that’s the real reason I didn’t want to show it to you. But it’s okay for you to see now.” He leaned over the table, offering his phone to Judal, who examined it closely.

“I bet the girl with red hair is Kougyoku, and the tired looking guy is Koumei.” He tapped his lips, thoughtfully. “That girl’s definitely Hakuei, she’s got your beauty mark and everything. The one giving you bunny ears is Kouha, and that sourpuss in the back there is Kouen. Did I get 'em all right?”

Hakuryuu cracked a smile, nodding. “Sure did. Now you know what they look like too.” 

The server, a slim blond boy in an apron, interrupted his next remark. “Excuse me, are you two ready to order? I’m Titus, I’ll be taking care of you this evening.” He gave a clearly practiced smile. “If you’re interested, our soups are half-price today.”

A mischievous smile bloomed on Judal’s lips. “I don’t know, I think I’m in the mood for escargot or some fried tarantulas. They’re so crunchy this season.”

Hakuryuu waved a hand at the waiter’s shocked expression. “He’s… he’s joking, he knows you don’t serve that. Right?”

“Nah.” Judal said, lazily, leaning on one elbow. “I want the tarantulas or nothing. With scorpion wine.”

Titus looked frozen between barely contained amusement and disgust. “I-I don’t think we carry those here. I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”

“I am Legion, the Father of Lies, the Scion of Darkness-”

Hakuryuu cut him off, pretending to scan the menu. “He’s my boyfriend. And I’m sorry, he misspoke, we’ll actually both be having the raw blood soup.” He tried to keep his voice in a serious pitch, nearly cracking towards the end.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t think we have that either… again, the soup is half price?” Titus looked halfway to giggling now, his face flushed. 

“Then I guess soup will have to do.” Hakuryuu flashed a quick smile. “Thank you for your time.”

Titus scribbled the order on his notepad, nodding. “Got it! You two make a real cute couple, by the way.” He said, before walking back off through a maze of tables towards the kitchen.

“... Boyfriend?” Judal pushed out, the word landing heavily on the linen tablecloth between them. 

“Oh. I’m sorry, is that too much? It just kind of came out.” Hakuryuu bit his lip, nervously. 

“No I just never imagined I’d be so close with another person.” Judal quirked the corner of his lips. “I’ll be your boyfriend, but only if you’ll be mine.”

Hakuryuu didn’t have to think long before giving an enthusiastic yes.

***

“How do you think their date is going?” Kougyoku wondered aloud, drifting down a fourth floor hallway. “Now that they can be alone, I wonder if anything interesting’s happened? It’s taking literally all my restraint not to pop down there and check in on them!” 

Morgiana twisted a strand of her hair. “I’m sure they’re doing just fine. They’re both very suited for each other, I think. Your brother seems very upstanding and respectful, but I get this feeling he’s just as bad as Judal. And bad as in… not bad, but just, different.”

“You’re so right there.” Kougyoku giggled. “They’re both so messy. It’s perfect.” At the end of the hall, a diaphanous curtain hung limply, blocking a window. Curious, Kougyoku lifted up the curtain, so that passersby might assume a breeze was wafting through the obliviously closed window. “Wow, come look at this!”

Morgiana joined her, looking out at the hills from a slightly different angle, a flat-topped, pine covered mountain now visible behind the first two. At its crown glowed three radio towers, thin spires blinking an eerie red behind swirling lilac mist. Raising her hand, Morgiana placed three fingers against the rain spattered glass, covering the distant lights. “I wish I could touch them.” She murmured. 

Leaning into Morgiana’s side, Kougyoku spoke again. “We will. I’m going to ask Hakuryuu to sever my connection to him. Probably by the end of our trip, whenever that is. Then I can do what I please.”

Morgiana turned slightly, the hint of a hopeful grin just visible. “Are you sure? Will you be happier that way?”

“I will be. For sure.” Kougyoku replied, happily wrapping her arm around Morgiana’s waist. “Hey, want me to do your hair? You can do mine too!”

“Gosh, that would feel so normal. Yes, of course!” Morgiana removed her fingers from the pane, and together they drew away, letting the curtain fall.

***

Having paid their bill, Hakuryuu and Judal invested in a self-guided walking tour of the hotel. They browsed the guest library, which mostly had ‘old people books’ according to Judal, when Hakuryuu told him the titles and summaries. They took a peek in the gym, which was empty, where Judal attempted to impress Hakuryuu by lifting a twenty-five pound barbel (he could barely get it off the ground, but it was the effort that counted). Some of the conference rooms were unused and unlocked, and Judal took great joy in drawing cartoon phalluses on the first page of every complimentary notebook. He really wasn’t a bad artist; his shading was truly down to a science. 

Back in the hall, Judal nearly walked right past a closed door, the glass on the other side faintly slick with condensation, but he doubled back just in time to catch the paper sign taped over the door. “Apparently the pool is closed today… doesn’t say why.” He jiggled the lock, the door opening easily. “What do you say Hakuryuu? Wanna go for a swim? There won’t be any other people in there, so no one will look at you. We don’t have to wear bathing suits either, we can just layer up on shirts and shorts! No pressure though, I swear.”

“I don’t know.” Hakuryuu sighed. Swimming might actually be nice. With Judal it wouldn’t be so bad. He’d be all covered, and with no one to see him… “Well. Okay. But only if we do it right now, before I change my mind.” 

Judal beamed, eyeteeth winking out at him. “I’d ask if you were sure but I don’t wanna risk it. Personally, I hate the idea of going swimming with people around, it just makes me feel weird. Let’s go get dressed!”

Once upstairs, Judal piled on three tee-shirts, and Hakuryuu four, both of them donning a double layer of shorts. “This isn’t so bad.” Hakuryuu chuckled, looking at himself in the mirror on the back of the door. “You should probably take your makeup off, it’ll run in the water.”

“Oh shit, you’re right! Thanks Ryuu.” Judal dove into the bathroom, wetting a ball of toilet paper and dabbing at his face until it was clean. Hakuryuu wasn’t sure which side of Judal he preferred; the painted face, black-rimmed eyes and purple shadows, or the softer, brighter person beneath, more human, more fragile. Once again completely moonstruck by Judal’s natural beauty, Hakuryuu turned to step back into the hall, almost slamming into the door, which he’d been too distracted to open. How stereotypical could he get? Luckily for him, Judal didn’t notice. 

The pool was still unlocked when they got back, Judal waltzing in like he had full rights to the place. It was somehow less fancy than the rest of the hotel, a square pool dominating a medium sized square room. On the tiled deck sat a handful of white plastic deck chairs looking lonely. Most impressively, two of the four walls, wholly glass panes forming one corner of the space, gave a panoramic of the storm and the ultraviolet shadows only Summer could bring. 

Judal seemed equally awed. “Damn, look at that!” He pointed, his mouth falling open, and Hakuryuu was just twisting his head when Judal crowed with laughter, pushing him sidelong into the pool, the impact too sudden for any thoughts but pure shock. Stunned, he sank a few feet, his mind scrambling to process where he was. 

When he did regain a little rational thought, it was only to consider how strange it felt to be fully submerged in so many layers of clothing. Unnatural, almost, the bottom-most shirt sticking to Hakuryuu's skin like cling wrap. Thankfully, the other three were enough to smooth out the contour of his body. He let himself drift back to the surface, spitting out water, rubbing the chlorine out of his eyes. "... j-just you fucking try that again!" He threatened, but his words were weak compared to the thunder outside.

Judal tossed his head back, laughing uproariously. "You should've seen it! Your face when I pushed you, your mouth made this perfect little 'o,' you were so surprised!"

The pool was only five feet deep, just shallow enough for Hakuryuu to push at the chalky bottom with one foot. Not giving Judal a second to flee, he propelled himself up, managing to snatch Judal's hand and yank him into the water. The ensuing splashes echoed off the walls, bouncing around and around again like whispers in a chapel. Water lapped against the side of the pool, tidal wave and aftershock, before Judal resurfaced, giggling, pushing his damp bangs back. "I didn't think you would actually do it!"

Hakuryuu pushed off, floating on his back. "Neither did I, for a minute there." Violet lightning arced in the distance beyond the expanse of glass, touching the peak of a dusky mountain. It was peaceful just to lie there and let the storm rage, he found himself thinking, sheltered by see-through walls. The thunder quieted, and for just a moment, Hakuryuu thought he could make out a sound just under its cacophony. "Hold on, can you hear that? I think the radio's on." He pointed to a circular speaker in the ceiling, directly above the cluster of beach chairs.

Something brushed Hakuryuu's stump; only Judal, floating with him on the surface. "Yeah, it's on. Only, that's kind of a waste, why would they leave it on if no one's supposed to be in here?"

If he strained, Hakuryuu could make out the words, just barely audible.

they don't love me... I can tell... but you do so, they can go to hell...

The song was made warbled, passed through a sieve of echoes and static until all that was left was the woman's voice and a strain of violin. Judal smiled. "I can hear it. The words. The tune. It's nice." He brushed against Hakuryuu a second time. It was probably by accident, but the sudden warmth, even just a sliver, put new breath in Hakuryuu's lungs.

"You know what's kind of funny?" Hakuryuu turned his head, hair fanning out in the water. "A week ago, we were total strangers. I didn't even know you existed. But here we are now."

I've been loved, but I didn't know how to feel it... And I've been adored, but I don't know if I ever believed it...

"Here we are." Judal hummed in reply, his contented expression saying everything he couldn't in words.

"When I was a kid, we always played these games in the pool, like trying to hold a handstand underwater... or cross our legs and sink to the bottom and have a pretend tea party or whatever. I figure you missed out on that." Hakuryuu flushed, trying to change the subject before he said something he might regret. Not that he wouldn't mean it. Just that it wasn't the time.

"I can do a handstand on dry land! I can sure as hell do one in water." Judal dove, and true to his word, easily lifted his feet back to break the surface.

The score was even; now to take the lead. Hakuryuu righted himself, pushing Judal ever-so-slightly off balance. This time, Judal popped back up with a pout. "That was just rude, I was trying to show off for you and everything!"

"You're always showing off." Hakuryuu shrugged. "While I appreciate it, it's not like I can rival you."

The song was on loop, the same chords and phrases over and over and over again. In the middle of the night, I hold on too tight... so both of us can feel protected...

With the next arc of thunder, a regal, electric purple setting over the sky, a change came about Judal. He winced, outwardly, reaching out for Hakuryuu. Just like that first day, his fingers closed over his stump, but Hakuryuu didn't flinch, letting him hold it like a holy relic.

We are just kids, Hakuryuu thought. So lost. Aimless. But the look in Judal's eyes made him feel found. A house built on rocks instead of sand.

I'm so ugly, he wanted to say. Stop looking at me like that.

"I'm so awful." Judal spoke up, his index finger resting at a fissure in his scar. "You're the one who shows off too much, walking around with this body." He laughed, in that fragile way he did when a hairline fracture lingered just past his brittle smile.

"So that's established. I feel trapped in my body, you feel trapped in yours." Hakuryuu willed himself to drift closer, taking Judal by the hand. "I think I can convince you otherwise."

Judal sighed; a sound like a breath released after a thousand, thousand years, like a sepulcher door falling open on judgment day. He looked unmistakably reverent, as though Hakuryuu were something greater than he was.

The kisses started softly, on Hakuryuu's stump, treading a corkscrew path up to his shoulder. Not wanting to impede him, Hakuryuu leaned back. There were scars on his neck, scars at his jaw, and Judal touched every mark on his flesh until they felt almost natural.

"I don't think there are any on my mouth, but it doesn't hurt to be thorough." Hakuryuu suggested.

Judal groaned. "Ew, you're so bad at flirting sometimes..." That didn't stop him from kissing Hakuryuu, the chemicals on his lips bitter, but the intention far too pure. They drifted together as one body, Judal's legs tangling ever so slightly with Hakuryuu's, sending a ripple of warmth over his skin.

When Judal moved, stroking down Hakuryuu's side, he felt desirable. Touches don't lie, he thought. With their other kisses there had been a breaking point, a place Hakuryuu knew it was proper to end it, but this time there wasn't one. He found he didn't want it to stop. Judal’s hand paused at his hip, rubbing a slow circle just under the corner of his top shirt, and gradual realization dawned on him. This was really happening, wasn’t it? It was taking its time, but Hakuryuu could feel the first miniscule prickles of arousal spread through him. 

It was really happening, and he had no clue what to do. He reluctantly broke the kiss, his lips vaguely swollen. “Judal, I have no idea what I’m doing, if you want to keep going with this, I’ll probably embarrass myself, or do something wrong and mess it all up.” He admitted, very quickly, trying to catch his breath.

Judal gave a strained giggle. “Aw it’s okay Ryuu, I’ve never done this either. Not with another person. So look at it this way, we both don’t know what the fuck we’re doing! And that’s okay! I’ll tell you if something doesn’t feel right. I mean, if you want to keep going.”

“Do you? Want to?”

“Let’s answer at the same time.” 

Hakuryuu barely got out his affirmation before Judal’s lips crushed back against his own, somehow twice as needy as before. Now that he’d gotten the okay, he wasn’t holding back. As he pulled at the top layer of clothing, Hakuryuu raised his arms, letting him toss the soaking shirt onto the pool deck. “Wait, wait… we should make rules.” He panted, lifting his arms for the second shirt. “Is there any...” He trailed off, working the words over. “Like, I don’t know, is there any place you, um. Is anything off-limits?” He hoped that came out right. 

“I know you see me as a guy, Ryuu… there’s nowhere I’d be uncool with you touching. It’s you, after all. I’m not nervous.” The second shirt landed, a few feet away from the first. “What about you? Anything I should steer clear of?”

Hakuryuu considered it. “No. If it was anyone else it would be totally different, but I know you feel the same way about me. Just, can we go slow?”

“I was gonna ask the same thing… Normally, being touched kinda scares me a lot.” Judal flushed, letting his eyes meet Hakuryuu’s. “But you’re always gonna be an exception for me, I can tell.”

“Same here.” Hakuryuu just barely held his voice steady. No, he wasn’t just ready and willing, but excited. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted it. 

But how to get there? Hakuryuu tried to remember how things usually happened on TV. Moving carefully, he pressed his lips to Judal’s neck, purposely dragging them from one place to the next. Judal seemed to like this, leaning further against Hakuryuu, his eyelids fluttering closed. “You can experiment, y’know. I’m not some treasure you’ll break with one wrong touch.” Judal placed a hand on the back of Hakuryuu’s head, holding him in place. 

No, he wasn’t going to break. Hakuryuu parted his lips, nipping at Judal’s neck. When at last he worked up the courage to go further, sucking hard at the tender skin, he received Judal’s labored breath as a reward. “That. I like that.” He hissed, his fingers threading into damp strands of Hakuryuu’s hair. It was oddly satisfying to find the blotchy red mark left behind, once he pulled away to look. He dipped lower, repeating the motions, this time Judal arching wonderfully into his arms. 

He allowed himself to entertain thoughts he definitely wouldn’t have experienced at home. He wanted Judal closer, wanted to feel more, and he jumped to work, leaving a third hickey half-finished as he tugged two shirts off him. One of which, he noted with great amusement, was the ‘I Heart Intercourse’ tee. “You sure?” He asked a final time, hands bunched in the final shirt. 

Judal flushed. “I… how many times do I have to say yes? I meant it the first time, I want this.” He lifted both arms, wiggling partially out of the shirt before Hakuryuu slid it all the way off.

“You can look. Look.” Judal huffed softly, cupping Hakuryuu’s chin when he looked away, his cheeks hot and eyes determined to land anywhere but his naked chest. “It’s okay. I want you to look.”

Hakuryuu vowed to forget modesty. That wasn’t what this was about. Judal’s breasts sat just above the water line, and as he stared, dumbly, Judal took his wrist, guiding his hand to touch. He was so soft there, dusky areola making a harsh contrast to his pale skin, and Hakuryuu brushed his fingers over it. “I-I’m looking.” He murmured, giving the handful a gentle squeeze.

“You’re such a gentleman.” Judal sighed, before tangling himself around Hakuryuu, his breasts fully pressed to him. “I mean that. Now kiss me.”

“Not just yet.” Hakuryuu stopped him, arousal tearing down what remained of his inhibitions. Scooting back to rest against the edge of the pool, he wriggled out of the last two shirts, tossing them back just as Judal lost his patience, engulfing him in a kiss completely unlike the others before; it was desperate, so much skinship, so much want. Never before had he truly loved his body, but Judal clearly appreciated it.  
Hakuryuu was first to break away, gasping weakly for air. “Do something to me, do whatever you want.” He pled, his voice low. Judal kissed down his neck, over his collarbone, lifting one breast. Hakuryuu could’ve sworn he saw the hint of smirk before Judal’s lips closed over the pink, scar tissued bud. 

Normally, thinking too long about having breasts to begin with made Hakuryuu’s stomach churn, a pitiless void inflicting relentless nausea taking the place of his organs. But this was somehow different. Judal’s mouth was so warm and wet, his tongue circling lightly. The sensation doubled, tripled, from tingling heat to a sharp sting of pleasure, settling heavily in his hips as Judal let his teeth graze the rapidly hardening bud. Just when he forgot about Judal’s hands, there was one creeping down over his navel, running up and down under the water. The touch was too gentle. The other hand squeezed, tenderly, a thumb caressing the edge of his scars where they tore through his breast. 

He tried to keep his mouth closed tightly, but he couldn’t. What started as a choked hum rose into a soft moan, the sound echoing spectacularly through the room. At this, Judal looked up, hopeful. “I’m doing good, right?”

Hakuryuu nodded shakily, bracing himself for whatever would happen next. “Really good. I’m sorry, I can’t not make noise, it probably sounds so ugly, I couldn’t stop it from coming out…”

Judal looked horrified. “That was definitely the cutest noise I’ve ever heard, plus I kinda need you to be loud, cause like, how else am I gonna tell if I’m doing this correctly?”

Hakuryuu kissed him quickly, the water rippling around them. “I’ll let them happen then. If we can keep going.” Judal’s lips pressed back to his, warm and light, and Hakuryuu moved too, fingers exploring every dip and curve. He would just have to make Judal give up noises of his own.

There was a leg in between Hakuryuu’s, and though he couldn’t recall when it had gotten there, he sank down against it. He ached, for this, for Judal. His kisses burned, hungry, branding Judal’s mouth. He could feel Judal’s moans buzzing against his lips. There was no fear in it then, he realized. This was safety. This was Judal’s feelings for him made solid, in a way he might never be able to articulate them verbally.

“Ryuu?”

 

“W-what?” Hakuryuu replied, his breath tripping up his words.

“Want me to give you head?” Judal lifted his knee ever so slightly. “I think I’d be good at it.”

Hakuryuu didn’t hesitate to answer. “I think so too. So… yes.” He couldn’t help laughing at how quickly Judal scooped him up, toting him to the stairs. Setting him down on the pool deck, Judal knelt two stairs below, leaning his cheek against Hakuryuu’s knee before scooting closer in.

“Wait.” Hakuryuu leaned down, fishing in the water for the end of Judal’s braid. Sliding off the band, he combed his fingers through Judal’s hair, until it spread through the water like an oil spill. “Better…”

Judal flushed. “I look better with it up, y’know.”

“You’re just as handsome with it down. Plus I was curious.” Hakuryuu trailed his fingers through it, shifting so his legs could admit Judal. 

One pair of shorts, then two, and Judal couldn’t take his eyes off him, kissing up his legs until they shook, holding his hips with fingers splayed perfectly over his hip bones. He whispered against his skin, and Hakuryuu had to bite his cheek to keep from making noise too soon. There was such a loving feeling in the way Judal finally brushed his lips to where Hakuryuu needed them worst, like a petal falling into a stream. Hakuryuu’s stomach tightened gradually as the brushes turned long, his legs hooking around Judal to keep him where he was, so when his tongue made the first white-hot pass over his slit, his knees jerked, pressing his mouth down hard.

Everything was crashing together, the seconds blurring, until Hakuryuu could hardly keep his vision straight. Judal wasn’t stopping, wasn’t letting up, going from thin strokes to the entire width of his tongue. When Judal reached his clit, drawing it between his lips, a wave of powerful, euphoric heat crashed through him. He could feel his mouth moving, words falling, but what was he even saying? He shuddered, bending over forwards, his legs shaking. 

Judal pulled away, and suddenly he could breathe deep again, his heart beating to rival the thunder outside. “Ryuu, just breathe. Like that.” Judal fumbled for Hakuryuu’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “It’ll happen if you let it.”

If he let it, it would happen. As Judal returned to his ministrations, Hakuryuu focused on breathing, keeping the rhythm steady. In and out, pulling deeply. He gripped Judal’s hand tightly, vice-like, his voice hitting pitches he would’ve hated to hear otherwise. Orgasm wasn’t a surprise; it rose like an electric shock until it burst, flashing brilliantly behind his eyes. Judal moved upright, and he fell into his arms, melting like cheap candle wax. 

He wasn’t aware Judal was speaking to him until a few words had gone right over his head. “-okay? That was perfect.”

The dizziness clearing, Hakuryuu looked up, resting his forehead against Judal’s. “It was. You were.” He said, quietly. “I want more. But… in a bed? Please? Someone’s gonna find us here.”

Judal chuckled, and Hakuryuu couldn’t stop himself from joining him. “Yeah, of course! Of course we can. I think I have a plan too.”

They ran up to the third floor through the emergency stairwell, their drenched clothes dripping puddles on every step, Judal’s wet hair and the scent of chlorine and the overwhelming sense of satisfaction equating to happiness.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYway I hope you'll forgive me for more of the same mediocre nonsense, but practice makes perfect :^)  
> Next week we'll be back to more plot oriented things! And we'll see just what Hakuryuu's siblings have been up to!  
> Once again, any feedback would go a long, long way :)

Of course there were brief moments of pain, of awkwardness, of fear, but when all was said and done, Hakuryuu wouldn’t take it back for anything.

***

With a peal of giddy laughter, Judal bowled Hakuryuu onto the white, downy comforter. Now that they weren’t engulfed in water, it was a lot easier to feel Judal’s body; the warmth and softness of his skin, the simply arousing presence of his breasts, and his soaked-through shorts, which he was still wearing, dripping profusely onto Hakuryuu’s thighs and drenching the blankets. Snorting, Hakuryuu pushed him back by the shoulders. “Hey, I had the sense to get all the way naked again. Take those off and you can get back up here, you’re making a puddle on the bed.”

“What’s wrong? The water wasn’t bad in the pool, but it’s bad here?” Judal brushed him off, dotting kisses up his neck. When Hakuryuu didn’t answer, he sat back, shoulders slumping, wet hair clinging to his shoulders and upper arms like ink strokes to paper. 

Hakuryuu followed him up, instinctively shielding his chest with his forearm. “Ju? We don’t have to, you know. We can stop now.”

Judal looked panicked. “No! I don’t wanna stop. I think it would help if you took them off for me…” He trailed off, picking at one waistband. There was a bashful pleading in the glance he flashed towards Hakuryuu. Nervous, but still wanting.

His heart beating so hard he felt it might burst against his ribs, Hakuryuu flipped them over. There was a new kind of pleasure in looking down at Judal, a hazy feeling of desire coupled with a new longing. Resting his hand on Judal’s hip, Hakuryuu slowly worked both pairs of shorts off his body. “I want you to feel how you made me feel.” Judal shifted, his shoulders stiffening and relaxing, a soft noise of affirmation leaving him. He could give him that feeling, Hakuryuu thought, entertaining confidence. Was it insensitive that he wanted as much to make Judal feel good as to watch him get there?

“Come on.” Judal mumbled, a flush setting over most of his exposed skin. “Don’t make me wait all night.”

Instantly disposing of the shorts, Hakuryuu was careful in lowering his gaze. There was a certain respect due to a moment like this, he felt. Not only was Judal a sight to behold, his naked form beautiful in a way that Hakuryuu couldn’t put words to, beneath the shorts he was aroused in a way that made Hakuryuu ache again with empathy. Judal squirmed at Hakuryuu’s stare, visibly biting his cheek. “There’s not much to look at, b-”

Burying his hand in Judal’s hair, Hakuryuu pressed him into the mountain of pillows. Judal’s thick moans stuck against his lips like prehistoric dragonflies in amber, every single one of his movements begging for touch. 

No, for Hakuryuu. Hakuryuu’s scarred, fragmented body, and no other. Without even saying a word, Judal told him this, and Hakuryuu gave in, slipping his hand down between them. 

Judal drew back, giving Hakuryuu a pleased smirk. “Oh, so all I had to do was get you started… go easy on me, damn.” 

“Really, I don’t know where this is coming from.” Hakuryuu sat back, trailing his fingers lightly over Judal’s folds. “It’s probably you. I’m bewitched, or something.”

Judal huffed as Hakuryuu’s fingers circled his clit. “O-or something.” His voice tapered off into a quiet hiss, air pulled back through his teeth as Hakuryuu eased his finger inside. It was almost unbelievably easy, slick walls opening around him. Experimenting, and to a lesser extent, delighting in the feeling, Hakuryuu thrust gently, searching within him. 

“More, Ryuu.” Judal’s voice was losing its reedy hum, growing breathy, drawn-out syllables running together. When he got a second finger, he shuddered, shaking his head. “More, Hakuryuu, like this.” Judal held his wrist, tilting his hand until his fingers curled and Judal made a sound that was half sigh, half moan. 

Flushed, Hakuryuu thrust his fingers upwards, eliciting another beautiful sound. “Have you done this before? Like, to yourself?”

“W-when I get the ch-chance and I feel like it.” Judal shrugged. “Occasionally.”

“I normally can’t, like, ever. It makes me sick to do stuff like that. Or even think about touching myself, the way I am down there.” Hakuryuu mumbled, feeling ever so slightly jealous. 

Judal arched, forcing himself on Hakuryuu’s fingers. “Then we c-can make the most of this, Ryuu, I’ll touch you as much as you like, cause clearly you’re…” He faltered, drawn up in a spike of pleasure. “Y-you just have a lot to catch up on.” Judal, squeezed his eyes shut, gasping. “O-oh. Less talking, more… that.”

Pride washing over him, Hakuryuu added a third finger, curling them tightly. Judal’s cries burst unstifled into the room, one leg giving a stuttering jerk. Hakuryuu wanted to engulf him, to kiss him again, but now that he had a mission, he felt he had to stay on task. Judal sensed the same. “V-very goal oriented, are we?” He managed, his thighs twitching and tightening. 

“It would help if you tell me what more you want, since you’ve done it to yourself. You know what you like.” 

Judal wordlessly grabbed at Hakuryuu’s wrist again, moving his thumb and the side of his hand against his own clit. It cramped Hakuryuu’s hand just a bit, but eventually he found a rhythm, moving his fingers and thumb in turn. Sucking in ragged breaths, Judal practically writhed against the comforter, nearly crumpling onto his side. Awkwardly using his stump, Hakuryuu held him against the pillows, keeping him mostly still. 

He was calling Hakuryuu’s name in the sweetest way. He only got it out three full times, each less recognizable than the last, but by the third, he broke, clenching around Hakuryuu’s fingers, hot liquid pooling at Hakuryuu’s knuckles. 

Hakuryuu hadn’t realized he was still fighting a battle with modesty, but when Judal’s splintered cry of pleasure struck him, it was clear which side was winning. Running more on instinct than anything, he bent fully over Judal to kiss him, and in the process, he lost himself to the embrace. Judal wasn’t done. Neither of them were done, not by a long shot. 

Flailing his arm, Hakuryuu managed to hit the bedside light, sending the room into a soft and total darkness. 

***

It wasn’t cold and it wasn’t hot either. The breeze against Hakuryuu’s bare shoulder was comfortably neutral, passing from the air conditioner across the room and over the mattress. He shifted slightly, cracking one eye. Wasn’t there something he should be remembering? His memory was being temporarily uncooperative. For the moment, he was strangely sore, naked, and…

He opened both eyes, nearly jumping out from under the covers. That’s right; neither of them were virgins anymore. There went all his hope at ever meeting a unicorn, Hakuryuu considered, illogically, before pulling the covers up above his head and wiggling closer into Judal’s arms. Judal was fast asleep, half-tangled around Hakuryuu, his chest and neck marked so heavily with burst blood vessels Hakuryuu wouldn’t have believed it had been his work if he didn’t remember doing it himself. There was a nameless comfort in the way they curled together, skin against skin, the shade under the covers protecting them from anything out in the world. It was peaceful. Peaceful and very right.

Hakuryuu felt his cheeks prickle as he remembered more and more of what they’d done together. He considered never leaving Judal’s side, basking in the calm joy of the moment for all time. In the end, he had to rouse himself. Despite not feeling dirty, instinct told him he needed a shower; his hair was probably full of chlorine, after all. He kissed Judal’s cheek, watching his face shift into an unconscious pout before disentangling himself from long limbs and shuffling to the bathroom.

The yellow bathroom light was shocking, blinding Hakuryuu the moment he turned it on. Rubbing his eyes, he focused on the mirror, once again startled. It was almost like looking at another person. The first word that came to mind was messy, his hair all kinds of mussed, his lips strangely puffy, thimble-sized bite marks peppering one side of his neck, and a handful of long red scratches over one shoulder and around his side. They were light, and didn’t sting much when he tested them with one finger. The second word was loved. When a toy is well-loved, it begins to fray. When a person is well-loved, he thought, running his hand over the museum of hickeys leading up to his ear, they come out like this. 

He wasn’t so ugly to look at. He felt the ache of losing his arm grow a little softer. In his subconscious, he felt the injustice of his body a little less fatally. Someday things will change. There was hope. He would get money, and then…

Another thought struck him just as he turned to step into the shower. What would his siblings say if they found out about this? It wasn’t like he could hide anything very well just then, and he didn’t exactly have a collection of scarves to shelter beneath. He wouldn’t feel comfortable addressing it either. If he had to, he might tell Kougyoku, but truthfully, he didn’t want a soul to know. His and Judal’s secret. He turned on the shower, water rushing over his shoulders, a buzz of contentment rising in his chest the longer he thought about it. Sex had been their moment, and no one else’s.

After dumping most of the complimentary shampoo and conditioner directly onto his head, Hakuryuu was certain at least his hair was clean. Wrapping himself in a towel, he left the bathroom, finding Judal had just woken. Sitting up in bed, the blanket draped around his shoulders, Judal, for once, looked well rested. He brightened upon spotting Hakuryuu. “Hey, you’re still here! For a minute I thought you left.”

Left? But where would he go? And why? Puzzled, Hakuryuu frowned. “What do you mean?”

Judal shrugged, looking down at the carpet. “Some part of me thought I maybe imagined you. All the best things in my life are usually in my head. And then I started thinking, what if you just didn’t like me anymore? And those two combined, so I thought you were probably made up and you didn’t like me anymore.” 

“Never.” Hakuryuu answered, plainly, turning Judal’s head to kiss him. “I’m real, and I definitely like you. You’re my boyfriend, so I have to be honest. It’s in the rules.”   
This got a smile out of him. “Ugh, fine. I trust you. Hey, wanna do me a favor?”

The light from the window was blue, like linen and ocean scented wax and eggshells. The air conditioner current still played its fingers over Hakuryuu’s back as he worked, gathering all of Judal’s hair and, beginning at the tips, cleared out the knots with a black plastic comb. He found he didn’t mind when Judal migrated from the bed to sit in his lap, making feline noises of satisfaction while Hakuryuu turned his hair back to a fine silk. It was a challenge with only five fingers, but when he was done, Hakuryuu gave Judal a simple braid. 

“You gonna read the rest to me now?” Judal nodded towards Hakuryuu’s bag. “I think we should get dressed first though.”

Hakuryuu flushed. “It’s nice, but I agree. Clothes on. For now.”

Once more, Hakuryuu wondered where his siblings were, but ended up just grateful for his time alone with Judal. He’d collect them later, from wherever they might be. For the moment, the second half of The Princess Bride needed attending to, and room service had to be ordered. 

Just as they were settling back into bed, both dressed in Judal’s sweatpants, Hakuryuu in a tanktop, Judal in a crop top, a tray of belgian waffles and blueberries between them, Dandelion began to chirp in his cage on the desk, near the TV stand. Hakuryuu winced, paling. “Oh, god Judal. The bird watched us. We had an audience. The bird saw everything.”

Judal snickered, unable to control his laughter. “Relax Ryuu, I’m sure he didn’t understand a damn thing! He’s just a parakeet, it’s not like he knew what he was looking at.”

“I knew getting a pet was a mistake.” Hakuryuu grumbled.

“If I was that bird, I’d count myself lucky to have seen it at all.” Judal stole a bite of Hakuryuu’s waffle, grinning. “Seriously, that was amazing. I’m down with doing it again basically whenever. If it’s okay with you, obviously. Besides… you’re the only person I could possibly trust with touching me, to be honest. Cause boyfriends are honest, right?” Judal peered up at him, the grin replaced by a hopeful expression.

Hakuryuu cracked a small smile of his own. “I know how you feel. Believe me, I never really thought about it happening until we met, and then suddenly it was possible. That was probably the best first time anybody has ever had, I’m not even exaggerating, and if I know one thing it’s that our second time is gonna be the best too.”


	24. Chapter 24

“She’s way too good at this game, I give up!” Kouha grouched, hopping off the Dance Dance Revolution pad, the arrows still blinking pink and orange. “She’s been trained for this!” The hotel game room had been locked for the night, but that wasn’t a problem for those who could walk through walls. 

Morgiana, meanwhile, finished the game with a near-perfect score, and though her voice was still soft, there was a smug look of victory in her eyes, one hand on her hip. “Anyone else want to play?” 

Hakuei stepped up to the game. “I’ll give it a try. I know I can’t beat you, but I’ll give it my best shot. I’m no sore loser like Kouha.” Morgiana was Kougyoku’s girlfriend now, and as good as family. Hakuei knew they’d have to get better acquainted sometime. 

“I’m sorry Hakuei, this is really a conflict of interest for me, but I’m gonna have to cheer for Morg again!” Kougyoku rocked on her heels, poised as though she were about to burst into a cheerleading routine. 

“This is probably rude, but I think I’m having way more fun without Hakuryuu around...” Koumei hit the buttons of a pacman machine on the other side of the room. He lost frequently, but didn’t seem bothered. 

From her position, her feet at the ready, Hakuei took the last few seconds before the game started to think. There was something to be said about separation. Where before, Hakuryuu was the only living one among them, now that he was absent, there was a sense of community. All present had experienced death. Hakuei could hardly imagine being 18 and having no breathing room. She could safely say that letting him be was, for the most part, an improvement. 

As long as she could still see him when it was the right time. The pop of electronica tore her out of her reverie. “Come on Hakuei, don’t let me beat you so easily.” Morgiana shot her a grin. 

“Never.” Hakuei assured her. As a ghost, she had never felt fatigued or over-exerted; it was the coordination that was the hard part, plus the focus it took to make her feet solid enough to register on the censors. 

The only person not playing a game was Kouen. He’d picked up a book from the small library, and once they infiltrated the arcade, he had sat down in the chair of a broken racing game to read. It pleased Hakuei deeply to see him so content. It was almost like before, watching him study or simply lose himself in the written word. He probably hadn’t read a good book in months; not even air hockey could break the focus of a real scholar. 

Kougyoku wolf-whistled, sharply. “Yes! Get her babe! Sorry sis!” Hakuei couldn’t hold in her laughter, gentle though it was. Everything was going to be just fine. She had a funny premonition that Hakuryuu was enjoying himself too, just then. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, he was happy. 

The final score was Morgiana’s A to Hakuei’s B. Morgiana turned, offering her hand. “Real sportsmen shake after a match. Sportswomen too.” 

Hakuei accepted, giving her hand a single, firm shake. “It was fun, I have to admit.”

“Now let me go! Please?” Kougyoku poked her head between them. “I haven’t gotten a chance yet at all, I want Morg to beat me next!”

“Oh?” Morgiana’s lips gave a sly twist. “What makes you so sure I’ll beat you?”

“Because you’re the best at this. Duh.” 

Hakuei cleared off, content to watch from the sidelines once again. 

***

By four in the afternoon, Hakuryuu had finished The Princess Bride, shooed Judal into the shower, and attempted to find something to wear that didn’t completely reveal the results of a night very well-spent. Unfortunately, he came away with nothing. How had he packed a stuffed animal, and yet, so little clothing? Maybe he could’ve used some extra time when he was packing. Whatever his fault was, there was no way to hide it, and he really didn’t feel like paying for a whole extra night. Someone would have to notice, the moment he left the room to check out. 

Judal, clad in a different pair of sweatpants and a shirt with letters so faded it could have been blank, left the bathroom with a spring in his step. Once he saw Hakuryuu, he paused, looking about quickly. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you lost something.”

“No, no, I didn’t lose anything. Just…” He gestured to his clavicle. “I was looking for a way to cover this up.”

Judal patted the edge of the bed, grabbing his makeup. “Don’t worry Ryuu, I’ve gotcha covered.” Once Hakuryuu sat, he plastered his neck and collarbone in concealer, smearing on three or four layers before growing satisfied. “Now you can barely tell anything’s there, but just in case, I’ve got a scarf in here somewhere.” 

The scarf wasn’t so bad; it was a lightweight lavender material, and covered the spot perfectly. Hakuryuu snorted, posing in the mirror on the back of the door. “I look very flamboyant in this. I hate to steal your look.”

“It’s not stealing my look if I gave it to you!” Judal slung an arm around his shoulders, leaning into him, giving them both a once-over in the reflection. “Are we good to go? We’re gonna need to pick up some serious caffeine if we want to see the sun rise.”

Hakuryuu liked the way they looked together; a hundred things contrasted, and a hundred more matched. In a sense, Judal was only a fun-house version of himself. “I’m ready to drive all night long and then some. I just… I wonder where my siblings are. I hope nothing happened to them.”

His question was shortly answered. They were all there in the lobby, and from a distance, they looked like a family. All talking, even Koumei. For a strange moment, Hakuryuu felt like an outsider, only to remember that he was. He might be their family, but he wasn’t really one of them any more. Before he could feel actually left out, Kougyoku rushed him, giving him a tight hug around the middle. “Hakuryuu! We missed you!” She pulled back, clipping a potentially bizarre scene in the bud. “But it didn’t seem right to go looking for you, it was date night for you guys after all!” 

Hakuryuu swallowed, trying not to let on that anything else occurred. “Yeah, that was really great. Did you have fun?”

“Actually, yes.” Morgiana drifted up beside them. “A lot. Thank you again for releasing me, I don’t know how I could repay you, Hakuryuu.”

“Then…” He smiled, in an attempt to be reassuring. “You don’t owe me a thing. It’s worth it to see Kougyoku happy, too.”

“Aw, I’m not really sure what that was about, but you sound like you just said something sappy!” Judal interjected. Hakuryuu flushed, pushing past him. He had no time to get flustered; there were only ten minutes until checkout. 

As they filed out, Kouha appraised Hakuryuu’s fashion statement. “Nice scarf, that’s totally something I would wear.” Kouha made as if to touch it before simply flashing Hakuryuu a genuine smile and heading on his way.

It was a very overcast afternoon, but no rain fell, which Hakuryuu was already grateful for. He didn’t need to drive all night long in the rain. Hakuryuu filled up on gas at a nearby gas station, while Judal tossed together an all-nighter playlist, holding CDs on his fingers like over-sized rings. Just before they really got things underway, he darted behind the pumps and into the mini mart, purchasing a jack-in-the-box coffee, paper cups, and two 5-hour energy drinks. He ought to be covered, he thought, for at least fifteen hours of alertness. 

Kougyoku materialized beside him as he walked back through the aisles. “This is kind of, I don’t know, rude… but I feel like there’s something different about you right now, Hakuryuu.”

Feeling as though someone had taped a large neon sign to his back reading ‘Not A Virgin’ in all caps, Hakuryuu froze, eyes widening. “No, you’re wrong, there’s nothing different about me at all!”

His sister laughed. “It’s not bad. It’s just this feeling. Since we left home, it’s almost like I’m watching you grow up. And you don’t seem so sad all the time now. Am I wrong?”

“O-oh, yeah, well… I owe Judal that now. Being on the road is nice, but without him, I’m not sure where I would be.” No one could just know, he reminded himself, unless he told them outright. 

“See? You have changed! It’s gonna be kind of weird to watch you get all old and stuff and we’re just stuck the same ages forever. You’ll catch up to me in no time!” She beamed, and for a moment, she looked so solid she could have been alive. 

Judal had gotten quite busy lining up CDs on the dashboard, a few spilling over to march across his lap. It was a simple thing really, but when he caught sight of Hakuryuu, the way his face shifted from concentration to adoration could’ve made Hakuryuu weak at the knees all over again. “I’m almost done, will you check it over? If there’s anything shitty I’ll switch it out.” He sat back, gesturing to the discs.

Setting his caffeine down between them, Hakuryuu leaned up to examine the selection. “Besides that I haven’t heard of most of this, it looks perfect to me.”

Judal scooped the CDs up layering them in one ordered stack. “I picked a real banger first, a real classic.” Hakuryuu clearly hadn’t looked closely enough; Judal snickered, sticking a Rick Astley single into the stereo.   
“I’ll listen to this, but only because it’s making you so happy.” Hakuryuu snorted. “If it were anyone else the volume would be on 2 right now.”

Judal rifled through the discs, making something of a human jukebox. “Oh! Not sure how this reminded me, but I actually had a question for you. It’s a real question, it’s about our lives and shit.”

“Wha- Really? Go on, don’t leave me hanging.” 

“We’re going to transition, right? Someday? I’m not 100% on how it all works. Or how to start.” He fidgeted, eyebrows drawing together anxiously.

Hakuryuu relaxed, knowing that this was a question he could answer. “I look it up online all the time, just to read it and daydream. Bottom surgery is a lot, and I mean a lot of money, and right now technology isn’t the greatest when it comes to that, but hormone therapy isn’t so costly and top surgery is still a lot, but it’s a goal I can see myself reaching.”

“So how much is that? I don’t know about you, but the most money I’ve ever had on my own was fifty dollars.”

“Uh. Somewhere in the range of ten thousand. But with an insurance that covers transition it would be a lot less. Afterwards it’s a lot of work too, you have to go back to the hospital to get the stitches drained and you can get kind of numb while it’s healing. Plus, the scars. Some people get tattoos to cover them up.”

Judal wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “Ugh, no. I wouldn’t hide mine. I love tattoos, I want like a million, but if I get that far, I wouldn’t totally ink over them! I’d wanna show it off… that I got that far, y’know?”

“I feel the same way… although, I’m not sure what kind of tattoos I would ever want, but I do think they look nice. Maybe something with a flower or a quote on it.”

“Hm…” Judal nodded, appreciatively. “That would look nice on you. Maybe on your shoulder blade? We could get our first tattoos done together, it’ll be a thing! Just don’t get a white lady quote. And we’re gonna have to break up if you get anything with a ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ or whatever.”

“What if I got a tramp stamp? Would you break up with me then?”

“Eh, those are cute in my opinion. What would it be, a heart? Or like, the Taco Bell logo?”

“Maybe I will get one then, let’s see how you feel once we leave the tattoo parlor.”

Hakuei squirmed. “It’s your body, I know… sorry for interrupting, but I don’t think I could live with knowing my little brother has a tramp stamp.”

“I-I’m only joking! No one here thinks I actually would, right?”

“No offense, but you’ve been a little unpredictable as of late.” Kouen added. “I’d hate to see you do something irreversible like that without thinking.”

Grumbling, Hakuryuu ignored him. “Anyway, where do you want dinner?”

Judal grinned. “Oh, that was my surprise! We can get dinner really late someplace, it’ll be spooky and shit.”

“I’ll set my alarm for a one am appointment with a late-night meal then.” Feeling affectionate, he leaned over the pile of supplies on the divider, giving Judal a kiss on the cheek.

***

Six cups of coffee, eight hours, and two awkward rest stop bathroom breaks later, Hakuryuu’s stomach set in with a menacing growl. Judal, who was wide awake and taking great joy in selecting the next midnight highway tune, perked up at the sound. “Are you hungry? About time.”

“I did eat all the snacks…” Hakuryuu sighed, checking the time. “Alright, it’s almost one am. I need another break anyway, I’m starting to feel like we’re going in circles, which probably isn’t true, but still.” The darkness was complete and disorienting, only the occasional street lamp throwing its hoop of light over the road. Hakuryuu found himself frequently losing track of time, and his caffeine hoard was growing meager, with only one 5 hour energy bottle left. “What do you think we could find around here, anyway?”

Judal tried to catch sight of a road sign. “Depends where ‘here’ is, because right now we could literally be anywhere. We could be in South Dakota and have no idea. Just go with your instinct, I guess?”

“Weren’t we following the map?” Hakuryuu rubbed his eye with his stump. “I kinda lost track of things. I’ll get reoriented once we stop.” Going with his instinct had worked before, why shouldn’t it now? He let a few exits blur past in the headlights before making his choice, hanging right. Just barely visible, lurking behind a chained gate, a massive building sat dark near the horizon on the left of the exit ramp. Eons of empty parking lot stretched towards it. Hakuryuu barely caught the sign, faint green lettering still struggling to shout ‘mall’ to any passersby. The thing reminded Hakuryuu of a bleached whale bones, or downed alien ship. Hollow and strange, undead. 

Out of space, out of time, a yellow light like the harvest moon came into view, warm and comforting, a porch light in the empty expanse of road beyond the dead mall. WAFFLE HOUSE, read the sign. Hakuryuu had to press his foot on the brake, idling the car in the middle of the road to stare at it, the glow seeping past his pupils and filling his head. “Well. That place is open.” He managed after some time, putting the car in reverse. “I know we had waffles today already, but… anyone for french toast?”

“I’d love some, and your siblings can’t eat, so who cares! I love these places.” Judal grinned, equally as transfixed by the soft light. “I used to hang out in one all the time when I first ran away. The staff in the kitchen gave me free shit all the time.”

In the backseat, there was a general murmur of agreement. “Wonderful.” Hakuryuu parked, leaping out into a fine misty rain. The drops were practically invisible, but clung to his skin anyhow, cool humidity wrapping around him. Taken by surprise, he took a few jittery steps into the next empty parking space, holding out his arms to let the mist fall, the waffle house reaching with fingers of holy light to rest upon his open hand and cheek. 

Judal’s door closed with a thump, and faintly, Hakuryuu heard him sigh. “Ryuu, you asshole, stop doing that.”

Frowning, Hakuryuu twisted to meet Judal’s gaze. “Stop doing what?”

Judal flushed darkly, pressing a hand to the back of his neck. “Taking me off guard. How am I ever supposed to get used to how you look? I mean-” He dissolved from there into increasingly awkward mumbles. 

“Are you trying to flirt?” Hakuryuu laughed, turning fully to face him. “I actually don’t think I’ve heard you seriously flirt before.” He was no master of words, but it was sincere enough to strike deep. 

“No! I wasn’t doing anything.” Judal shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, looking petulant, until Hakuryuu wrapped an arm around him, herding him towards the glass doors. There was some nostalgia about it, too, the way his siblings and Morgiana straggled behind him. It was almost how to remembered family dinners to be when everyone was alive. 

“We should all get a table together. Even if it looks weird, I want us all to sit together. The people who work here are bound to see a lot of weird things this late at night, two guys at a table with six empty chairs has gotta be the least of their problems.” His life was bizarre enough; he might as well relish in it.   
Inside, the air was heavy with the smell of cooking batter, round yellow lamps hanging in perfect rows from the ceiling over the long bar. If Hakuryuu didn’t think too hard, his arm around Judal’s waist, his family behind him, the comforting, storm-weathering glow all around, he found he was perfectly content. 

He waved to the girl behind the bar top. “Hey, can we get a table for eight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go! But they're gonna be really great ones, so stay tuned!!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been doing pretty good with my schedule so far, but I'm sorry to say the final chapter might be a bit late.. not by long though! Due to changes in my living situation I'm going to be pretty busy for a little while, and Boy do I have a lot of things planned for the last chapter. Anyhow.. I hope you enjoy and if you're cool with the wait then stay tuned!! :)

Sunrise could be so loud, a rush of light and noise to wipe out the comforts of obscurity. That morning, the clouds fled in respectful silence from the brilliant sun, which was just creeping over the horizon, quietly filling every corner of Hakuryuu’s world. It was a shame Judal didn’t actually see it; ten or so minutes before the sky began to lighten, Judal fell fast asleep, the CDs clutched in his hands, his face pressed into his seat belt. Every once in awhile, he would let out a soft snore, barely audible. Meanwhile, Hakuryuu’s own mind was short-circuiting, fried by caffeine and hours on the road. The sun rose, and he turned off the road, driving as far into the trees as he could. He kicked off his shoes, pulling the lever to shift Judal’s seat back, and climbed into his side of the car.

It was so quiet. Feeling removed from the world, his family, everything but Judal and wordless, tuneless dawn, Hakuryuu settled into his arms, closing his eyes, joining Judal in sleep. 

He wasn’t sure how long they slept, but he had another dream. He and Judal walked together, hand and hand, through a glorious deep forest. Hakuryuu had a feeling, looking at the trees, that they were the oldest things he’d ever seen. Judal was right at home there with the black soil sticking to the bottoms of his bare feet, the calls of a mourning dove somewhere in the canopy curling around his skin and hanging there. It was a lucid dream, Hakuryuu realized. This Judal lived in his mind, a trial run of the real thing.

“Judal, I have something to tell you,” he said, softly, “if you’ll listen. It’s a foolish thing to say.”

Judal laughed, his head tilting back, the shadows rushing over his cheekbone. “Hah, try me! I bet you I won’t think so. Plus, this is a dream, right? What could go wrong? I’m not the guy sleeping up there. I’m the part of him that’s gotten into you.”

“We’ve only known each other for a short time, and… well, forget it. I’m not here to prove myself wrong, I’m going to tell you how I feel.” Hakuryuu swallowed his doubt, his resolve strengthening. 

“I think we both know how you feel. And you would be out of your mind to think I didn’t feel the same way the moment I saw who you really were.” Judal spoke without meanness, his words honest and precise. “I-”

Hakuryuu shook his head, interrupting. “Don’t say it then. I want to be the one to say it.”

“I don’t think you understand, Hakuryuu.” Judal stopped walking, placing his other hand on top of Hakuryuu’s. “When you weren’t here, I don’t know who I was, or if there was even a single moment where all the pieces of my life were whole. You’re the only person in the world who could love someone like me… and change me too.”

“But you were the one who’s been changing me all along,” Hakuryuu protested, “I’m more free now, more conscious of myself, then I ever have been. Having you to rely on, to work out my pain alongside yours? I can never be who I was before I left home. He’s gone.”

His lips burned, a tidal wave rising inside him. To tell someone he loved them, and mean it; did he know what love really was, outside of Hollywood and novels? The thought that he didn’t frightened him. But it didn’t take much contemplation to know for certain that the complex list of emotions he’d affixed to Judal over the course of their trip was really love. 

As soon as he worked up the nerve to let it out, the dream changed under his feet. The trees shifted in fragments, turning to plain white walls, the soil to dusty red carpet, the comforting shade to eerie light. It smelled like cheap hand soap, and all along the walls stood closed doors. He was alone. Feeling as hollow as a sunken ship, Hakuryuu jiggled a knob, stepping quietly into one room. It was empty, except for Kouha, who floated dreamily halfway off one of the beds. 

“Hello, Kouha.” Hakuryuu sat on the other mattress, feeling it creak under him. This version of his brother had the same zeitgeist as the false Judal; once again, the person he spoke to was not the real thing. 

Giving a familiar smile, Kouha rolled over in the air. “Hey Hakuryuu, I was just thinking. If I wasn’t tied to you, I could go see my girlfriends. Just to check in on them, you know? I’d like that.”

Hakuryuu sighed. “See… I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can free you from myself. I mean, you might just disappear. I don’t know if-” With another Cheshire cat grin, the false Kouha faded away in a blur. Across the hall, another door swung open, hitting the wall. Drawn onwards, Hakuryuu crossed, finding Koumei sitting at the desk. 

“How do you know we’ll disappear?” Koumei asked. “Would that be such a bad thing for us? Maybe we’re tired. Plus, you let Morgiana go, and she’s stronger than ever.”

“I don’t know.” Hakuryuu shook his head, only knowing the pressure was on. “I don’t think you’d like that, though. If it’s a choice between nothingness, whatever’s on the other side… and I’m the only thing keeping you in this world…” Koumei made a satisfied little huff, fading in the same manner as Kouha. 

Now driven, Hakuryuu didn’t wait for the next door to open before returning to the hall. Kouen waited for him, leaning on the wall just inside the following room, arms firmly crossed. “You don’t know what it’s actually like to be without the five of us. Your sisters, Koumei and I, Kouha too. You haven’t experienced this loss head-on.”

“And maybe I’m not ready to.” Hakuryuu admitted. “I need you here.” 

“I am proud of you, but we can’t watch over you forever. Regardless of whether we fade away, you have a life of your own, and you don’t need one foot in the grave all the time. You will have to let us go someday, and if you’re smart, you’ll do it now.” Kouen held his gaze for a moment more before blurring into nothingness.

A leaden ball of dread forming in his stomach, Hakuryuu nearly fell right into Hakuei’s arms, so was the speed he charged into the next room. “But what if you don’t go away?” He asked quickly. “What if you stay, like Morgiana did?”

“Then of course we’ll be here for you. When you need it.” Hakuei placed a hand on his shoulder. “But not all the time. You won’t know until you try.”

In the final room, Kougyoku awaited, holding Morgiana’s hand. They stood, looking out the window into an endless night sky. “And,” Hakuryuu ventured, “what about you? If you disappear, if I release you and you don’t stay…”

“Staying is a choice.” Morgiana answered, her eyes betraying a kind of lucidity that left Hakuryuu wondering whether she was real or not. “I chose, when you released me, to keep my soul here on this earth. And if Kougyoku is powerless against that choice, if that’s not something she can define for herself before she gets swept away, then I will follow her.”

If it was a choice, then how many of his siblings would let themselves pass away? He tried to imagine them giving up on the world for good, and found he couldn’t. 

He woke with a start, grabbing Judal’s hand. “I have to let them go, I have to set them free.” He whispered, hoping it would be too quiet for his family to hear. Judal stirred, half asleep and listless, murmuring a noise that could have meant anything. 

Eventually, he opened his eyes. “Wait, are you sure? Wouldn’t you like, never see them again?” 

“I think that’s their choice, and they deserve to make it.” Hakuryuu whispered, lower this time. 

Judal nodded, thoughtfully, before catching sight of the sun high above. “Aw fuck, I missed the sunrise! Why didn’t you wake me up!”

Hakuryuu disentangled himself, pulling his shoes back on and wiping the sleep from his eyes. “You looked so peaceful, and god knows you need to sleep properly. I probably wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I woke you up.”

“Well it’s almost noon now!” Judal made a face. “And I’m hungry. Drive through?”

“I’m hungry too, that french toast was like twelve hours ago now.” 

“Anyway, good morning I guess.” Judal sighed, pecking Hakuryuu’s cheek as he slid back into the driver’s seat. “I had some weird fucking dreams, let me tell you. In one of them, you turned into a goat, and then you ate all the trash in my backpack.”

“His backpack is disgusting.” Koumei murmured. “I’m sorry, but it’s… bad. I’ve seen him going through it.”

Hakuryuu snorted, “Koumei thinks it’s gross. I agree. I’ve been meaning to ask you… is that really weed in there? Do you, I don’t know, actually use it? When I threw out your duct tape I kind of stumbled on it.”

“Oh, fuck no. I make a lot of bad decisions, but I’ve just been too scared to even try the stuff, you feel me? I found it under a bench at a rest stop, I thought maybe I could sell it if I ever got the chance. Anything can turn into money, you know?” Judal lightly kicked his backpack. “But for the most part you’re right, I don’t need anything in here. I could throw the whole thing out and not face any consequences.”

“That’s a relief.” Hakuei smiled, reaching up to pat Hakuryuu’s shoulder. “I would’ve been kind of worried if my brother was dating a drug addict.”

He had to tell them, somehow, about releasing them from his tether. Was there a right way to say it? He decided to shove it back down his throat, along with every confession he’d been storing up for Judal. “Yeah, I can see that. Also, is now a bad time to say I still have no clue where we are? It might be good to figure that out… first.”

“Or not.” Judal shrugged, grinning lopsidedly. “If you really think about it, it doesn’t matter.” 

“What are you, some kind of nihilist?” Hakuryuu chuckled. “It probably doesn’t but I would feel better knowing. Just… more secure. How are we going to find a carnival if we don’t know where we are?”

“Dammit you’re right.” Judal picked up Hakuryuu’s phone, opening the map. “Well, we’re in Pennsylvania! Near someplace called ‘Reading’. There’s a whole herd of rest stops over there, oh, and one of them has Burger King!”

Kouha lit up with a grin, poking the back of Hakuryuu’s seat. “Didn’t you used to be in love with vegetables or something? Cause it seems to me like all you’ve eaten since we got out here is shit. Fast food and candy… Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not against that, but that’s one helluva 180 bro.” 

Hakuryuu cleared his throat, pointedly. “Yes, that’s perfect. I sure love being able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it.”

“Um, okay,” Judal gave him a bemused look, “but same.”

“I’m going to have a triple whopper, a large fries, and Mountain Dew. With a sundae.” 

“That’s the spirit. Do they still have bacon flavored ice cream?”

“It was limited time only, but we’ll see.”

***

Out of the midday haze emerged the first skeletal hoops, colossus sea monsters struck dead and arranged like flowers to reach up for the heavens. Hakuryuu caught them on the horizon half a mile away, graphite sketches of former glory rising above a sea of pines. 

“That’s it,” Judal breathed, visibly enraptured, “that’s fucking perfect.”


	26. Chapter 26

Hakuryuu sighed through his nose, breaking his gaze with the locked gates. “Ju, I think the words you used were ‘carnival or theme park,’ not ‘abandoned death trap.’ Even from far away something looked weird. I should’ve known.”

“Okay but, pros of going in; we get to see what a theme park looks like once it shuts down. We have ghosts with us, so if any spooky shit happens we’ll be neutralized or something. We’re both not normal. Oh, and I have a feeling nothing bad will happen! Please?” Judal wheedled, preemptively letting his hand wander to the clip of his seatbelt. 

“Let’s take a vote. How many say we go in?” From a distance, the roller coasters did look a bit dingy, but Hakuryuu tried being optimistic for once and assumed the park was open, if a little quiet. After five more minutes of driving, Judal bouncing out of his seat, the truth was revealed. The signs leading up to the park itself, reading Arabian Nights Theme Park, were unmistakably weathered and faded, most of them bearing graffiti. The last brick of finality dropped into place the moment they pulled up in front of the deadlocked expanse of parking lots. 

“I’m in,” Kouha peeped up over the driver’s seat, “like, sue me if I’m not curious.”

“Me too. It seems fun, and you seem responsible enough to handle yourself in there, Hakuryuu.” Morgiana phased partially through the last row of seats, adding her vote. 

Kougyoku followed. “That goes for me too!”

“I don’t really mind. I guess I’m impartial… It’s probably not something I would’ve done when I was alive, but I’ll give it a shot.” Koumei shrugged. 

“What’s the vote? What are they saying?” Judal’s fingers danced eagerly against the clip. “Can we go?”

“Fair is fair, they’ve already won. But let’s try not to do anything insane this time.” Hakuryuu surrendered, knowing he was already outnumbered. Judal tore out of the car, scrambling up the side of the fence with an unforeseen agility. 

Half-way to the top, he paused, looking over his shoulder. “What’s wrong Hakuryuu? Haven’t you ever climbed a fence before? It’s so easy!”

“Maybe for you.” Hakuryuu securely locked the doors before turning to face the chain-link menace. “I’ve never done anything like this, really. Is there a strategy?” 

Judal made a face as he reached the top, swinging one leg over, the metal clanking ominously. “Nah. At least, I don’t have one. I wouldn’t look down though if I were you.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Hakuryuu muttered, gripping the sun-warmed metal, his bicep already aching from the strain of supporting his whole weight. “I’d feel a lot better about this if someone waited to catch me if I fell.” He continued, pointedly. 

“I can try.” Morgiana stepped behind him, holding her arms up. “If I’m not strong enough, I can at least give you a strong breeze to cushion the fall.”

Hakuryuu resisted the urge to turn around and thank her properly, remembering Judal’s warning not to look down just in time. “Thanks Morgiana, at least someone cares whether I fall and die.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t die! Also I just didn’t think about it that hard.” Judal grumbled, touching down on the cracked asphalt on the other side, wiping his hands against his legs. “I can cheer for you though! Don’t take this the wrong way, but I was just assuming you could do anything, and whatever help I could give you would be unnecessary.”

“That is kind of flattering.” Hakuryuu pulled himself up over the top, gritting his teeth with the effort. Was he sweating already? He definitely was, he realized too late, his damp palm slipping off the bar. Faintly, he heard someone shout for him as he fell, his surroundings blurring, vertigo punching him in the stomach. 

Before he could collide with the ground, Judal miraculously caught him, stumbling under his weight. “Shit, okay,” Judal panted, leaning back against the wall, “that could’ve been really bad.”

His heart thundering back to life, Hakuryuu clung to his shoulders, the shock wearing away. “Well, thank you for catching me when I needed it,” he mumbled, “that could’ve gone very badly.”

“Just returning a favor.” Judal chuckled, his voice taking a cryptic tone, 

“Thank god you’re okay.” Hakuei phased in over Judal’s shoulder. “When I saw you fall, I was really scared, I… will you thank Judal for me?”

“And for the rest of us. That was a nice save.” Kouen added. 

Hakuryuu found himself smiling. “Hey, my family says thank you.”

Judal flushed, making a strange noise. “It’s. It was whatever. The least I could do. Did they get that?”

“I’m sure they did. Now… will you put me down? I think I’m okay.”

Judal set him down, dusting him off. “Good as new. I’m extra trustworthy now, we’ll be safe in there now that we know I’ll be able to catch you if you fall! Not that we’ll climb anything else.” He added hastily, after a well-placed glare by Hakuryuu. 

“Good to hear.” The sun drawing out an endless shadow behind him, Hakuryuu ventured across the cracked lot. It felt like a whole other world compared to the other side of the fence, silence, dead air and heat pressing the asphalt into a single sedimentary slab. In the heat rising thickly from the baking earth, the ghosts that surrounded him shimmered and blurred like a mirage. The feeling of displacement settled in him once again, his soul lagging slightly behind the motions of his body. Judal seemed to relish in the newfound open space. He performed a clumsy but functional cartwheel, part of his leg going through Hakuei before he landed in a crouch, sighing about how out of practice he was. 

It was easy to get past the closed turnstiles; they were a little creaky, but not rusted enough to provide a real obstacle. Judal cackled, dashing down a crumbling brick pathway lined with boarded up gift shops. “Look how close all the rides are! I wish we could ride em…”

Hakuryuu fanned himself, the heat already getting to him. “If you wanted to actually go on the rides, we should’ve gone to a place that was open.” They rounded a corner, coming up on a small square. The smaller, carnival-esque rides there were appropriately themed, including a Magic Carpet tilt-a-whirl and bumper cars. In the middle of the square, roped off by yards of caution tape, squatted a carousel, rows of chipping black stallions still rearing their heads for a charge. 

Slipping under the caution tape, Judal vaulted onto a horse, the wood creaking under his weight. “Quick, take a picture of me!” He posed against the pole, making an admittedly ridiculous facial expression. 

“I am not taking a picture of you like that.” Hakuryuu snorted. “Think of all the kids that have been on there! You’re desecrating it, find something else to pose sexy on.”

“Fine. I will.” Judal slunk off, darting through the midway. Hakuryuu’s siblings had already scattered, like billiards hit by the cue ball. He would have to go after Judal alone. Wiping sweat off the back of his neck, he tried to stay in the shade, tailing Judal past a dozen abject fairway games. A nearby coaster, a black metal python lurching towards the sky, provided a nice shadow, respite from the furious sun. 

Judal skipped to higher ground, easily clambering on top of an ice cream cart to examine the terrain. “Hakuryuu! Look, that part’s a water park! And over there’s a wood coaster!” He spun like a weather vane, pointing out attractions in all directions. “What do you think’s the most spooky shit?” 

“I guess I have to get up there too…” Hakuryuu joined him, balancing precariously on the other end. The view was far superior than from the ground. “Maybe the wooden coasters. We could walk on the track… probably not to the top. No, I take that back, I have no doubt you would find a way up there.” 

Judal leapt down, a determined look about him. “To the top then! If we get distracted on our way there it’s fine, we have all day anyway. It’s not like there’s a time limit.”

Hakuryuu followed, taking his hand. “Just don’t leave me behind anymore, I’m getting sweaty and I don’t want to chase you around a second time.” 

“Hah, aw you are! You’re all shiny!” Judal pretended to lick his finger, poking Hakuryuu’s cheek and making a hissing sound. “You are really burning up. I’d say your blood is about to boil.”

“I don’t think it’s that bad. Yet. But I would like a break. Preferably in the shade.” He tugged Judal to the que of a roller coaster, the tattered awning sheltering them from the blistering light. There was a bench turned on its side, which Hakuryuu levered back onto its legs, sitting down heavily. For a moment or two it was quiet, Judal taking a place by his side, an airplane droning overhead; the dim buzz of the universe itself. 

A grin creeping onto his lips, Judal shifted on the bench. “It really looks like we’ve got this whole place to ourselves, huh?”

“Oh, no.” Hakuryuu had a sneaking feeling he knew what Judal was implying. “Any second now one of my siblings could show up. If I’m thinking what you’re thinking, it’s no. And I feel like I know you well enough to guess correctly.”

“What if we find somewhere quieter? A little more removed?” 

“Hm…” He flushed. “Maybe.”

Judal split open with laughter, lightly shoving Hakuryuu’s arm. “Ryuu, you’re fucking nasty! I was just messing with you! I can’t believe… you were actually into that, weren’t you?!”

“No! I wasn’t, I was joking too!” He sputtered, scuttling to the other end of the bench. 

“Oh like hell you were.” Judal rolled his eyes, getting back to his feet. “Are we good to go? That coaster isn’t gonna climb itself!” 

Grumbling, his face probably hotter than the tarmac, Hakuryuu acquiesced. “That was a dick move…”

Judal turned, walking backwards. “For the record, I’m not judging you! It’s kinda cute.”

“Whatever, can we just risk our lives already?” Hakuryuu pushed ahead of him, walking briskly. It would take him at least a few minutes to recover from that brand of embarrassment. Regardless, he still allowed Judal to catch up with him, re-taking his hand. In relative silence they forged a path towards the coaster, pushing through empty rows of queue ribbon before making it to the boarding platform. 

Eying the track, Hakuryuu frowned. “Are you sure it’s okay to walk on this? It won’t electrocute us?”

“Only one way to find out!” Stepping further into the shade, Judal made the short leap from platform to wooden track. “See? Perfectly safe.” He put his hands on his hips, in an ‘I told you so’ sort of way.

Readying himself, Hakuryuu skipped over the gap, nearly grabbing onto Judal for balance once he landed. “Perfectly safe.” He mumbled, casting a backward glance to the sliver of ground visible down below. Judal was already walking along, looking as carefree as if he were walking along the boardwalk, not multi-story wooden scaffolding. There was such a peculiar expression on his face; peace, maybe?

Once he’d secured packed his fears away in an airtight envelope, Hakuryuu willed his legs to move. They were travelling backwards around the track; the first hills were much slighter than he thought they might be. Obviously, some handrails would have been ideal. Hakuryuu settled his anxiety by grabbing tightly to Judal’s shoulder. “You better not let me fall this time.” 

“I won’t.” Judal smiled, genuine but still crooked. “I’m sorry about the teasing.”

“Oh, it’s okay, I know you’re still rude as hell. But you’re sweet too. Makes up for it. Why would I fall in love with someone one-dimensional?”

“In… in love?!” Judal didn’t pretend to hide his shock, the whites of his eyes standing out clearly. 

Hakuryuu flushed, shaking his head quickly. “I’m sorry that wasn’t the way I wanted to say that at all, if you don’t feel the same there’s no need for you to say anything back, I know it’s probably silly of me and I don’t need- I mean, it would be nice- But if it’s too soon or you don’t- Oh, just forget I said anything.”

“Ryuu, you’re rambling.” Judal snorted, reaching up to trace his scar. “I’d have to be a real moron not to feel the same way. I was just surprised you would love me. Of all the people in the world.”

They were so high up off the ground. They were part of the sky, and Hakuryuu was inhaling the blue stratosphere, clouds forming in his lungs. “Are you telling the truth?” He asked, afraid of the moment the ground would rush up to end him. 

“I love you, too. Does that sound like a lie?” 

Steadying himself, Hakuryuu placed his hand on the back of Judal’s neck, closing what meager distance remained between them. He could feel those words still on his lips, love in every movement. Love in the hands that kept him from stumbling backwards into the open air. Judal’s breath was alive against his cheek, and as they came together, his heartbeat was live too, and wild as a bird just learning to fly. 

There was a power settling in him, sluicing down under his skin like water from the bottom of the ocean. For now, it was their moment, but Hakuryuu had an inkling of what he was meant to do next. Reluctantly, slowly, he drew away, stretching the kiss to last like cheap gum. 

“More. Later.” He promised, supporting himself against Judal’s body. “There’s something I really need to do right now.”

Judal laughed. “Okay, what’s that important?”

“Setting my siblings free. I told you I had to… and right now, I think, is the time for it.” 

Nodding, Judal held him close. “I gotcha. I won’t let anything happen in the meantime.”

Hakuryuu sucked himself out of body, his consciousness launching like a bullet into the air. There he was, Judal holding him steady on the track of the wooden coaster. And there was his family; Kouen and Hakuei and Koumei sitting in the bottom of the empty wave pool. Morgiana, levitating twenty feet up in the air, Kougyoku watching from the ground in awe. Kouha was the loftiest of all, sitting on the metal loop-de-loop of the tallest ride, feet swinging without car, his hair caught in the high altitude breeze. 

He could see them all, and so too could he see the line binding them to him. Bloodred, and thick, like yarn. Kouen was the first to be severed; like pulling a root from the earth, Hakuryuu eased his tether from his diaphanous body. There was a moment of fear when, down below, Kouen’s form shimmered rapidly. 

Kouen chose to stay. He didn’t fade or dim; in fact, he burned brighter, the fuzzy static outline of his shoulders becoming something solid and nearly real. Hakuryuu saw his brother and sister turn to him, baffled, before pulling their tethers as well. Hakuei hardly blurred before joining Kouen in his new state. Koumei took longer, flickering vibrantly for half a minute before finally lighting up with the others.

It was a little painful to pull the tethers, but once they were out, Hakuryuu felt somehow lighter. Kougyoku’s went easier than the others; when she was free, brilliant light at her back, Morgiana leapt to pull her into her arms. Hakuryuu looked on as she embraced. His sister and the girl she loved were dead to the world, but alive to each other. They, too, had a future. 

Hesitantly, Hakuryuu gripped the final string, leading into Kouha’s torso. Where it dug into Hakuryuu, it was scabbed something awful, the remnant of when Kouha had tried to pull it out by force. Hakuryuu had to move slowly, taking it from his skin like a splinter. Kouha sat bolt upright, his mouth falling open in gleeful surprise as he condensed, made whole and light. 

None of them had chosen to go. It was relieving. More than that, a burden was lifted from Hakuryuu. As he fell back into his body, his breath came with sweet ease. He hadn’t known what kind of toll the five of them were taking on him. 

Judal shook him, and if he was trying to be gentle he was failing. “Ryuu? You in there? Blink if you can hear me!” 

Laughing weakly, Hakuryuu stopped him. “Hey, it’s alright, I’m okay! I can hear you. I did it.”

“Fuck, so what… what happened? Are they… y’know…”

“None of them. They’re all fine. Probably more than fine.” Hakuryuu leaned into him. “So am I, actually. I feel less tired. Dragging them around was draining me. Right now I feel like I weigh nothing.”

“Don’t float away or anything! You won’t, right?” Judal frowned.

“Never.” Hakuryuu mumbled, closing his eyes happily. 

The air was rushing in his ears, a tempest rising on some unseen spectrum. Stiffening, he jerked up, scanning the scenery. “Ju, do you… is that water? If I didn’t know any better I’d say we’re about to get hit with a tsunami.” 

Judal listened too, perking his ears to the wind. “Yeah.” He squinted, suspiciously. “The fuck is that?”

“Holy shit.” Hakuryuu, at a loss for more sophisticated words, raised a finger to the wave pool, which was rapidly filling with clear, clean water. The water slides too, which stood dry moments ago, flowed with water like blood flowing back into veins. On the other side of the park, metal coasters lurched back to life, reanimated by an unknowable spark. 

The wind rushed directly past Hakuryuu, lifting his clothing and hair. Kougyoku materialized beside him, her face flushed. “You let us go!” She exclaimed, blatantly ecstatic.

“It was the right thing to do… you can fly now?” 

“Yeah! Just like Morg. And now we can go wherever we want!”

Judal looked around, blinking. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Just Kougyoku.” Hakuryuu patted his shoulder. “Gyoku, um, are you gonna go now?”

She blanched. “No, no, I’m your sister above everything! I mean, the others might go do whatever, but I’m sticking with you. At least for now. If I do up and leave, I promise to always come back and find you two! Since I’m sure you and this guy will be together wherever you go.” She finished, giving him a sly look.

“... Probably, yeah.” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “He grew on me.”

“I’ll say! Grew on you… understatement of the century.” She scoffed. “Have you seen what everybody’s doing? They’re bringing the park back to its former glory! That way we can use it like people would’ve before it closed! I think they got one of the huge loopy ones working already.”

When Hakuryuu winced, Judal gasped, smirking. “Hakuryuu, are you scared of roller coasters!? You are, right?”

“I’ll tell you if you take that shit-eating grin off your face.” Hakuryuu muttered darkly. 

“Nah, too late, hunch confirmed! Now we have to ride one.”

“Yeah Hakuryuu, you’ve never even been on one!” Kougyoku nudged him. “They’re fun I promise!”

“Fine. Fine!” Hakuryuu scowled. “I will ride one ride, and then we’re going. Judal, you can do the honor of choosing which terror machine we patronize.”

Judal made a dismissive noise. “Aw Hakuryuu, you are being such a stick in the mud. I promise you it’ll be fun! I pick that one.” He nodded to the tallest coaster, a metal demi-god among the wooden and carnival rides. 

“Oh god, does it have to be?” 

“You said I could pick!” 

“I did… ugh.” Hakuryuu stomped back down the rail. “Let’s go, before I totally change my mind.”

Judal whooped, slinging his arm around Hakuryuu’s waist. “We don’t even have to wait in line! We can just get right on!”

“Yeah, when have you ever been to a theme park?”

“I get around.” Judal said, like it was common knowledge. 

The ride he had chosen was called The Lightning Dragon, and a sign out front boasted how quickly it could accelerate, and at almost a ninety degree incline, which made Hakuryuu’s stomach turn. Judal, who seemed unfazed, if not more excited by this prospect, practically dragged Hakuryuu up the stairs and onto the platform, where a cart was waiting for them. 

“I didn’t know ghosts could do shit like this.” Judal commented, lowering the restraint with a click. 

Hakuryuu, shaking a little, sat next to him, doing the same. “I don’t think they can… my siblings are just special now. Can we hold hands maybe? I might throw up, just warning you.”

“Is it the heights thing?”

Hakuryuu shook his head. “The upside down thing.”

Judal securely grasped his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Okay, well, I was a little nervous when I rode one the first time, but I swear when it goes upside down it’s not as scary as it seems.” 

Taking a long breath in through his mouth, letting it out through his nose. “Okay, I’m ready. You hear that guys? I’m ready.”

He didn’t think he would scream, but the instant their cart blasted up the first insanely steep loop, he did exactly that. It was so high-pitched that if his mouth hadn’t been open, he would’ve doubted it was his voice at all. His eyelids were blasted open by the ascent, the earth spiraling and receding beneath him like he’d tossed it down a cliff. He held so brutally tight to Judal’s hand that he could feel his bones shifting beneath his touch. 

It wasn’t so terrible, he realized by the second loop. Judal was laughing hysterically, and while he was enjoying the ride far more than Hakuryuu ever would, the zero-gravity feeling was starting to get to him, and by the time the car finally slowed, he was smiling himself. 

“Well it looks like my favorite wet blanket actually enjoyed himself, hm?” Judal kissing Hakuryuu’s cheek, pulling him to his wobbly legs. 

Hakuryuu sighed. “Yeah, but I think that took like five years off my life.”

“Wanna win me some stuffed animals like a good boyfriend? That’ll make up for how lame you were.”

“You realize there’s no one working here, and I can just take them?” Hakuryuu made a bemused expression. 

“Yeah, but it’ll be more fun if you pretend!”

***

In the end, Hakuryuu won Judal the largest stuffed toy any of them had ever seen; a life-sized shark, which it had taken him fifty plays at a ring toss game to earn, despite there being no one running the game and no security tags on the toy. 

“How the fuck are we getting this in the car?” Hakuryuu mumbled, lugging the shark over his shoulder by its tail. “It’s bigger than either of us. There sure as hell isn’t any room inside. And it would block the rearview mirror.”

Sighing, Judal patted Hakuryuu’s head. “Now that’s quitter talk. Maybe your sibs could levitate it!”

“We could what now?” Kouha strode around the corner, a real look of contentment on his face. “... Damn that’s big.”

“That’s what he said.” Hakuryuu interjected, quickly. 

Judal cackled. “Okay, no idea what just happened, but I think I’m rubbing off on you!”

“But like, seriously, how are we getting this in the car?” Hakuryuu chuckled. 

“If we have bungee cords,” Kouen said, joining them, “I would tie it to the roof.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw a few in the trunk!” Kougyoku touched down on the pavement, still beaming. 

“Hakuryuu, you set us free! We didn’t tell you to do that.” Hakuei materialized in front of him, engulfing him in a hug. “But thank you. Thank you so much, I…”

Hakuryuu put his stump against her back, clumsily returning the embrace. “I knew I would have to do it eventually, and it just felt like the correct time. There’s no need to be thankful to me for doing something that I was meant to.”

“But certain people might not have been able to. You were willing to take the chance that we would disappear.” She stepped back, giving him a warm smile. “You’re growing into a wonderful man. I’m happy I get to be here for that.”

Flushing, unsure how to reply, Hakuryuu hoisted the shark higher on his shoulder. “I um… well, I appreciate that.” He mumbled, muscling onwards. He felt Judal hustle behind him to carry the shark’s head, lifting some of the tension. Upon reaching the foot of the fence, they tossed it over together, fixing it securely to the roof with the bungee cords from the trunk. 

Judal stepped back to admire their work, unable to suppress a giggle. “This is the coolest car I’ve ever seen!”

“That’s only because he’s never seen my car.” Kouha rolled his eyes, floating up to sit on the shark. “This one can be second best.”

“Kouha doesn’t agree with that one.” Hakuryuu climbed back into the familiar driver’s seat, starting the engine. “Have I told you about his car?”

Hopping in, Judal shook his head. “Nope, but I have a feeling it’s iconic.”

“It’s this… flamingo pink hatchback type deal? It looks like if they scaled up a Barbie car and gave it bass booster in the trunk.”

“What the fuck, why did you take this boring ass SUV when you could’ve had that?” Judal gaped in disbelief.

Hakuryuu snorted. “Just hearing you say that tells me I made the right choice.”

“No! We need to go back to your house right now and switch out!” Judal protested.

In the rearview, Kouha stuck his tongue out at Hakuryuu. “Hm. Looks like your boyfriend agrees with me. How does it feel?”

Refusing to dignify his brother with a reply, Hakuryuu floored the gas, screeching back down the rural parkway under the lengthening shadows of trees. He felt like going fast, and who was he to deny himself that absolution? 

He thought back to Judal’s wish, at the pond. Judal wanted the journey to last forever. But what if Judal himself was the journey? As long as he was there, Hakuryuu thought, nothing would ever be the same as it was before they met. Winding deeper into the countryside, further from the main roads, it became apparent to Hakuryuu that he couldn’t imagine a life without him there. How strange, and yet, how easy it was to let his destiny and that of another slip together. 

There was a sudden zeitgeist in the air; the feeling of returning home after a long vacation. The feelers of dark insects guiding him, Hakuryuu began to turn the wheel purposefully, guiding the car headlong into a labyrinth of hills and valleys. “Where are we going?” Judal ventured, peering out the windshield. 

“I don’t know.” Hakuryuu answered, truthfully. “But I’m taking us there.”

He found he could close his eyes and let the insects do most of the work. It would be more of a surprise that way, when he got to wherever it was they were going. 

Judal shuddered, and Hakuryuu could hear him pull his legs to his chest. “I remember this…” He murmured. 

Hakuryuu eased his foot down on the break, drawing the car to a stop. There was silence. Then he opened his eyes. 

A four-story house, if one could call a building of that size a house, loomed over them from the side of a sloping black hill. The leaves, dark and whispering, rose about the courtyard Hakuryuu had driven into, branches swaying all at once like kelp on the seafloor. A bone-dry fountain crouched feet away from his bumper, a moss-covered nymph bursting from its basin. 

Judal stared, wide-eyed, at the dark and shadowed windows. “This is where I grew up.” He said, quietly. “This is the…” He trailed off. 

“We can turn around.” Hakuryuu tried to soothe, putting his hand on Judal’s knee. “Let’s just go, okay?”

“We can’t! We got brought here for a reason, we can’t ignore that.” Judal pulled his legs closer, pressing his cheek into his thigh.

“Do you think-”

“Of course they’re still here! This is her house, Ryuu, it’s her house, I…”

For the second time that day, Hakuryuu pulled himself into the passenger’s side. “But look, all the lights are off. No cars. Nothing. It doesn’t seem like anything’s been here in a long, long time.” He wrapped his arms around Judal, rubbing his back. “I’ll go in first, give it a look.”

Judal sighed, nodding. “I’m okay with that. Can your sibs stay here with me maybe?” He fumbled for his Speak and Spell. 

“Of course we will.” Hakuei confirmed, phasing up into the driver’s seat. 

“They’re gonna stick around. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” After a quick kiss, Hakuryuu squeezed around Judal, hopping onto the lichen-spotted cobbles. 

The door was unlocked. The foyer gaping and cavernous, but without a trace of human life. Hakuryuu darted up stairwells, peered down halls, flung open every door in sight, but found nothing. Not even a sign, a note, anything belonging to a human being. The insects swirled in the high corners of rooms, darting about chandeliers and streaming between Hakuryuu’s legs as he walked. It felt like a place that time forgot. It felt like a home no one could inhabit but the homeless. 

In an upstairs bedroom, Hakuryuu laid down on the hardwood floor, again closing his eyes. Their bed could be right here, and-

No, what on earth was he thinking? He opened his eyes, flushed down to his neck. Judal wasn’t a settling type of person, he felt. Or was he? Or was this too soon? What would they do for a living? How would Judal react to a proposal of that sort? 

He blinded himself again, laying his stump over his eyelids to prevent them from opening. There were too many questions, and perhaps the dark would answer them. 

Judal would want that. Judal saw a future remarkably similar to the one Hakuryuu was imagining, and though the insects, Hakuryuu could look at it all laid out before him in a quilt of thoughts and dreams. As for a living, they did potentially own a huge dwelling… what better to do with a hundred rooms than to install identical beds and TV sets and cable in them all? Hotels had been their stepping stones. What if they never had to leave one? 

Would they be happy? Well, the darkness answered, happy was what they made of it. 

And his family? Of course, if they were willing… he was already forming a plan. 

He burst from the house, dashing across the courtyard to where the car idled.

Judal was reluctant at first to enter the house, but even he knew something was different within its walls. Ghosts filled the empty halls as well; a tourist attraction to be, Hakuryuu explained. People loved the paranormal, and Hakuryuu could provide them a legitimate brush with the other side. Once they had their hotel, once they had it all, would it be alright to stay there together?

“Hakuryuu,” Judal took his hand in both of his, drawing closer in the empty living room, golden sunlight streaking across the floor from the windows before hitting them head-on, “are you sure? Me? I can be a real piece of shit. Probably a pain to live with. And run a fucking business with me, I mean-”

Making sure none of his family members were eavesdropping, Hakuryuu kissed him into silence. “I’m sure. Like I’ve said before, you are so fucking rude, but that’s just part of why… why I love you. Before long, you can get a GED or something, and we can take turns running the place.”

“Then yes. I’ve never wanted anything more.” Judal sniffed, quickly wiping the corner of his eye with his shoulder before the tear could spill. 

“It’s not too soon? Not too sudden?”

This time, Judal couldn’t catch the tears, allowing them them to run over his cheeks as he let his forehead come to rest against Hakuryuu’s. “Never. I think I’m home now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well..........  
> This is it!! The last chapter! I am really happy and sad at the same time to end it.. and I hope you, the readers who made it to the end, enjoyed the story as much as I loved to write it!   
> (Pst stay tuned for an epilogue maybe aha..... who knows??)  
> Feedback is SUPER appreciated! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the reads and kudos and time you've given to this work :D


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